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Sanibelredfish ( member #56748) posted at 3:18 PM on Monday, July 2nd, 2018
Blackbear, is your BH in counseling? The reason I ask is that his response to you on D Day suggests that codependency might be an issue for him to look into. If the shoe were on the other foot and he just divulged a betrayal to you,would your first reaction be to say how much you love him? Somehow I doubt it.
I don’t mean to upset you with that hypothetical, but made it because I think his outlook could lead to rugsweeping on his part. That will not be successful in the long term, especially for him. He has to work through this so he doesn’t wind up numbing the pain in some other unhealthy way. Ask me how I know...
numb&dumb ( member #28542) posted at 7:12 PM on Monday, July 2nd, 2018
I think you should go to IC. That is where you have to learn to cope with these throughts.
Your H probably is still in shock or numbness or denial. It may change someday, but at this point you need to work through this stuff without him. IC is the perfect thing to do for this situation.
I think your are sabotaging this M and without some new coping skills and all the negative self talk it will become a self fulfilling prophecy. Or worse yet it may cause you to act out again.
IC, like today.
Dday 8/31/11. EA/PA. Lied to for 3 years.
Bring it, life. I am ready for you.
BrainFreeze ( member #61754) posted at 7:45 PM on Monday, July 2nd, 2018
I would love it if my wife told me that a song I was enjoying was triggering her to think about her AP.
Every single thing I can cut out of my life that is a connection to AP makes me feel empowered, stronger...
It also would be such a sign of trust, that my wife would share that with me. I know that sounds corny, but sharing something like that would also help me.
Best of luck to you!
I hope you both find serenity.
BH 49, WW 47
Married 24 years, DS16,DD17
You all know.
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