SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hi all,

Some advice please!

Decree absolute is done. Decree absolute forms are waiting to be sent in two weeks, as soon as deadline comes about.

I wasn't going to bother with Financial Clean Break, but have been convinced otherwise in past few days.

a) is it truly worth it?

b) does anyone know if I have to get it all into place before decree absolute is issued?

c) does WH have to agree to it as well?

d) I have a telephone consultation with solicitor tomorrow morning, but does anyone know of a reputable company online that will soften the costs?

Thanks so much for your help!

I think only a solicitor can advise you on this. It will depend very much on your circumstances. Not something I can do BTW. Most large firms will have a family law department so a 1 hour meeting might be a good idea. I can recommend someone very good in the SW if you are down that way.

Thanks, Lawyerman.

I actually spoke to a solicitor at lunch and I'm going to go ahead with it. Unfortunately I will have to hold off from sending for the decree absolute for a few more weeks until the clean break comes into force, but it'll hopefully be worth it.

I had to get my WH's consent to use solicitors we've jointly used in the past (because he's on their books) and he came back to me with his permission, but also said:

"It's important to me that you know I would NEVER come after you like this"

I responded with:

"Yeah, but you also said you'd never hurt me so forgive me for using caution"

Had to laugh at his stupidity.

Well done. I expect he also stood at the altar / registry office and stared deep into your eyes and made very important promises. Etc. etc. etc. blah.

Hope it goes well for you and good luck for the future.

Hi WMEO

Sorry to hear what you're going through - I'm going through the same with my WW. As others have said, it depends on your personal circumstances. If there is a lot to play for financially then it is obvious that you need to protect yourself. A financial clean break/consent order means no side can make any financial claim against the other once the decree is absolute - or in future years. In other words, get what you want now, if that's the shape of your and your WH's finances.

My advice is get a good lawyer and I would always recommend finding a firm that specialises in family law, rather than a jack of all trades high street firm. They'll be cheaper and they know every trick in the book. They're also smaller so you'll probably get a more personal service. I spoke to the main partner with the one I'm using twice on the phone for free advice before I went with her.

In answer to your other questions:

a) Providing you get everything you're entitled to from WH - pension, property, savings etc, then yes. If you were married more than five years you have a good shot at 50/50 of everything.

b) Get all finances agreed (you both need to fill in a form e -declaring all assets) and a solicitor (from either side) will draft a 'consent order' once you've agreed the detail between you. Both sides sign off on this before it goes to court for a judge to sign off. Then the applicant (whoever is applying for divorce) applies for decree absolute. On Decree Absolute, the court orders pension company to divvy up what's been agreed etc. It costs around £1500 for a consent order. Personally I would advise you find someone you can speak with face to face. Google 'family law' and your city. Some offer fixed fee.

c) Yes - both sides have to agree. Otherwise, it goes to court which gets very expensive and you're at the mercy of a judge deciding the outcome which could go either way.

It's important that this is done BEFORE you apply for Decree Absolute. If Decree Absolute goes through before the consent order, you will lose anything you're entitled to as a spouse in terms of pensions. Decree Absolute is the final, legal ending of the marriage and it's very difficult and costly to sort finances after this.

I've just seen your other reply and it looks like you're sorted so apologies for waffling on! Hope something was helpful. And yes, go after him. He took the vows.

When you say clean break..(UK)

To me that means everything is finalised before the Decree Absolute. No future payments (maintenance etc), no gains in pension after divorce.

My Eww came after my pension, we eventually agreed a % payout at divorce. If we had not I would have either stopped paying into a pension fund or paid the minimum and pumped everything else into an ISA.

Between my company and I we pump the equivalent of 25% of my salary into my pension pot each year.

I also did not pursue her for child maintenance, as she did not for alimony, as our son staid with me. It's costing me quite a bit now he is at uni.. but I'm happy.

We have an amicable relationship...

Depends if you are a financially weaker or stronger party.

Until you have a court decision in the eyes of law your property is not split. Does not matter what sort of agreements you have.

If you expect you xwh to make a lot of money in next few years - no point for going for clean break - better to wait and initiate proceedings when he has made the money.

If nothing like that is on horizon- do the proceedings now and make sure he can not drag you to court when you have received money..

Btw - most of the time inheritance in the uk also will be seen as marital asset.:

Thanks so much for all of your responses.

Truth is, the only joint asset we have is the marital home which is being sold next week. We are splitting profit 50/50.

Everything else is our own.

The clean break is more for the future; I can't imagine he would ever come after me for any more money, but I can't trust that. Plus, my parents and new partner are pushing for it to be made official, so I'm doing it.

We've attempted to keep the whole process as amicable as possible and I can't foresee there being any issues. Fingers crossed...