Just my opinion, but betrayal seems to have the effect of emotionally stealing masculinity and femininity on both sides.
A word for the women? No idea.
But, years ago I told Mr. Uxor that when he said we were living like room-mates. That she was more feminine than I in her clothing, hair, and demeanor. I called him out. HE had created his own misery. In all he had expected of me, he stole away all that was feminine in me. And in the attention he gave her, he gave it away. And that he treated me in a way NO room mate would have ever tolerated.
I explained that when a wife becomes cheaufer, laundress, cook, maid, nurse, personally shopper, seamstress, master gardener, event coordinator and home decorator. And is told she didn't do it right or good enough....her feminitiy is crushed. She is devalued as a wife and mother.
When he isn't there, so she has to teach her son sports, give him "the talk" because dad doesn't have time, get the cars maintained, figure out the power tools and equipment to repair the home, do the bills...and he comes home to complain how she did this. She is now the husband, and a brow beaten one at that.
When she does everything asked for sexually, with love and enthusiasm, but is criticized for not having her hair in a pony tial the right way, or the right color of thong on (and didn't read her husband's mind well enough), or that her nails were not perfectly manicured for him to watch on his body (because she had been doing her household work AND his because he was not there) or that there was a gap due to illness or family demands that was never longer than two weeks - she was frigid - He steals her feminine sexuality by objectifying her.
That when he leaves her to take on the abuse of his family that he is avoiding - to become their new scapegoat in his absence, her femininity is mocked as being subservient and for the entertainment of others.
That when he takes on a mistress who imitates his wife in appearance, but he has tenderness and patience before he meets with her, for her to groom herself, dress, and smell pretty - gives her gifts to help enhance whatever she maintains (including her perfect fingernails), runs to her home to help her and her kids get things done as her "back hurts", and compliments her at every turn - constantly asking of her needs...but for his wife his sits in his car with impatience before they leave the home, as his own wife's minimal time to attend to her appearance is an inconvenience to him...when he does this.... HE MAKES HIS WIFE THE RAGGED WHORE and his mistress the FEMININE AND UPLIFTED WIFE.
And because the wife is lied to, she has no way to counter or defend. If she stands up for herself, she is seen as aggressive, controlling and MASCULINE.
My take? Do not ever compare yourself to the fake and false facades of the AP. They are just an "in and out" fantasy to the wayward.
Just as a man may feel his masculinity was stolen by what his wayward wife gave away, we betrayed wives also feel our femininity was either denied, supressed or give away to the AP too.
But the moment you realize you won't let that happen any longer, you can take every drop of who you were or were meant to be back.
Every drop.
Because who you are was never meant to be determined by a person who was lying to you. NEVER.
AS for if there needs to be just a BW place? Or just a BH place?
Others may disagree, but I don't live in a world of just women. I have fathers, brothers, sons, male cousins...I am most feminine if I also embrace who men are in the world, and expect them to be both masculine AND to treat me with the dignity that my femininity deserves.
So I have no problem with both on this sight, as long as conversation isn't going down the man bashing or woman bashing routes, nor minimizing or objectifying either gender, nor making assumptions about them.
[This message edited by uxorpatricius at 4:27 PM, July 24th (Tuesday)]
