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Hi FoenixRising

Unfortunately I have too much experience with those kinds of sites, and while there are people that use them in place of porn, it's much more likely to escalate to something physical, even if it hasn't yet, than just viewing porn in general. My WH once put it as 'the closer the explosion, the greater the thrill, when you're on a self-destructive or risky path', and I'd say that's how I feel about hookup sites, even if someone maintains that they aren't actually using them to meet up with anyone in real life. What's to stop them from doing so next week, or next month?

:(

Hi lucky. I don’t know about you tho... but when I think about AP anymore, it doesn’t hurt like it did. In fact I’m not sure it really hurts at all. It’s just there? Like I somehow have to believe that there has to be good that comes from this ordeal. The good is right this moment that i am excited for my future. Whether it’s in this marriage or if we part ways. I know I can do it on my own if I chose too. This time last year I was certainly not this strong. So, I’m still here... working on me, building confidence, establishing myself and my identity outside of mom/house wife. I’m out of that rut. Maybe that’s why I feel indifferent now to AP. What I miss was the escape from reality, the attention, the intense feelings, the poetry and sweet messages. Thing is tho... now that I know it’s just to feed my own selfish wants, i get irritated with myself for missing it. I’d rather not be selfish than wayward. I don’t know if that even makes sense.

Hey pink piggy! I hope you’re well. Please feel free to message me anytime. I understand where you are. Xoxoxo.

Thanks joy- I really appreciate your input. I think In letting go of the outcome, I’m ok to risk that though. If he cheats, he cheats. I can’t worry about it. It’s too exhausting. And I wouldn’t blame him if he did. I’m ok with accepting however this goes... at least for now. If it’s going to work I can’t always be worrying. I just have to continue to establish my independence to ensure that I can be ready to leave within a week if I need to. We rarely fight but when we do, it can get bad. Letting go of the outcome has also relieved so much internal stress on me. It somehow helps me roll with the tides so even our big fights are fewer and far in between.

Hi FoenixRising - You're right, sometimes letting go of the outcome is really all we can do. I wish you the best on this up and down journey.