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My wh as been asked to go on a year long voluntary deployment. I obviously don't want him to go. I feel like it's a chance to be single for a year, he says it will set him up for retirement. I want to be supportive, but I don't trust him. Any advice?

You said offered, does he have a choice?

Since he cheated on you in the past...I'd say you have every right to be worried.

I was in the military. My first deployment, I made lots of new friends both male and female. One of the females sort of started to take interest in me even though she knew I was married. I made sure she knew I wasn't interested.

I seen several males risk their careers to have affairs. A few even took up emotional affairs. It made me sick and feel bad for their spouses because they were likely to never find out.

Sounds like he is towards the end of his career and it will make him look good for a promotion...which are harder to earn. I would think it's more difficult for individuals higher in rank to have affairs but that doesn't mean it won't happen. I don't know him or what kind of person he is now vs then. If it was 2 years ago when you registered your profile...I'd encourage him NOT to go. The promotion or whatever isn't worth the potential damage it could do to the marriage.

Trust your gut.

If he decides to go anyways and cheats again...you could be entitled to half his retirement pension so keep that in mind.

https://www.military.com/spouse/relationships/military-divorce/military-divorce-affects-children-pay-and-pension.html

[This message edited by TooOldforDrama at 3:27 AM, December 13th (Thursday)]

Is he a reservist? Deploying to a combat zone? If so, it does help to earn more retirement points, and if in a combat zone it moves up the day you can collect retirement.

Details of your story may help others offer advice. I will post my advice when I have more time later. Just wanted to let you know that I too am a betrayed military spouse and understand how you’re feeling.

I cannot reccommend it, since my husband just had an affair with a married woman he was deployed with last year. It sucks, since he has 18 years in, and I was loyal to him our entire 14 year marriage and through 8 deployments.

I’m not sure how one deployment would set him up for retirement? He gets no additional retirement benefits for deploying. He won’t pay federal or state tax while gone, and would possibly get additional imminent danger pay, family separation pay, etc. That would only be a few thousand though. My WS carried on multiple EA and PA while deployed and I can’t imagine how we will deal with the next deployment.

I seen several males risk their careers to have affairs. A few even took up emotional affairs. It made me sick and feel bad for their spouses because they were likely to never find out.

10 years of infidelity in the 80’s and early 90’s from my fWH while he was in the military. Every deployment! No cell phones, no computers and social media..... his secrets were safe for 20 years! Then 2011 one looked him up and then another and so on...

He is going to get his retirement, I don’t know how a one year deployment is going to help him.

[This message edited by TarnishedSilver at 6:05 AM, December 20th (Thursday)]

Thanks everyone! I was in the military myself and went on 2 deployments. I saw a lot of affairs, but I knew I had a good one...smh. He was active, now he's in the NG. If he goes on this deployment, he will be guaranteed to get promoted. My story is long and still hard to talk about. He had a one night stand with an 18yr old stripper and got her pregnant. He hid it from me for a couple of yrs until she told me. That was a dumb move, but whatever. Her husband knowingly signed the birth certificate, so my husband as no rights to the baby, and no child support obligations. She tried causing a lot of problems, but luckily I know a few dss workers in the area. They were kind enough to pay a help and welfare check on her 3rd child. (She's 21 with 3 kids). She gave up custody of my husband's alleged child. Since dss showed up at her house, I haven't heard a word. Somedays,I feel fine, and others I don't. We have 2 children together and I'm scared to tell them about their alleged sister. No DNA test has been done, but as much as I hate it, she does look like my daughter. We talked to 3 different lawyers and none would take our case. In my state, once the bc is signed, it's signed. I just hope she is being taken care of.