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Additionally I’m pretty confident there isn’t any contact between AP and my H. If there was I’m sure he wouldn’t tell me that he now knows I told the other BS and out themselves. But I do anticipate she will reach out when she is appalled at what i did and that he’ll tell me when she does. Fingers crossed.

Her BS told her at work that I called and that they will talk about this tonight. She immediately emailed my H asking what she should be prepared for and he told me immediately. I told him now is the time for his NC letter.

He and she both work at the same place and I told him he is to have NO in person contact with her.

He’s drafting a NC now.

Way to go MomBroken3! I know how hard that was. You can hold your head high for doing the right thing by someone else.

I sure hope that NC letter is out the door and that NC stays in place. They will have to make their own decisions about their marriage with this information.

Do something nice for yourself today!

Mom,

He's to have NO contact of any kind with her. In person, text, email, or otherwise.

I've never been a big fan of NC letters, I preferred to tell the OM directly.

She immediately emailed my H asking what she should be prepared for

I would guess your WH should be wondering what to be prepared for himself.

The consequences just got real for both of them.

You are a brave lady, and are doing the right things.

I think your judgment is spot on.

Take care.

Looks like OBS had a change of heart and decided to confront her, make sure you tell him you're available if he has any more questions, that your WH will testify if she tries to deny/minimize the A, and to let you know if he(OBS) discovers further contact in the future. You may want to ask him about his/her plans to remain in the company or not.

My H NC letter said the following:

“I have told MomBroken3 everything. Let me be clear, the only thing that is important to me is her and my kids. I am 100% committed to my marriage. Never contact me via phone, email, social media ever again. If you see me in the halls don’t look in my direction. You are a toxic person and I want you no where near my life.”

She responded

“Trust me. Not a problem.”

Bitch, Please. It clearly was a freaking problem for 4 years. Ugh I have so much anger toward her.

I can’t believe (but also expected her to) she reached out to basically ask my H for help with her about to be confronted.

Her BS hasn’t contacted me. I know it’s likely she’s lying to him and he’s not verifying with me but still, their problem. Not mine.

I felt on top of the world yesterday knowing her lies were no longer a secret and that she was about to feel a shred of the pain I’ve felt since DDay. For once she can be the one shaking with anxiety. I hope she had the worst night ever.

Today, my happiness is much more limited and I’ve come off that adrenaline high but focusing back on us and our work to R.

Thank you all for your encouragement. I couldn’t do this without the help I’ve found here!

"He abused me, he struck me, he overpowered me, he robbed me." Those who harbor such thoughts do not still their hatred - dhammapada. Hatred is bad both physically and mentally

Please it it go, since it seems like your family life is getting better.

She is responding to the letter that blame her in a impersonal way. She may be having lot of problems even if her H is a rug sweeper. Do not think or contemplate what is happening at her house since it seems like you are regrouping. Make sure your WH does all things necessary to make you feel he is honest and remorseful

[This message edited by goalong at 9:44 AM, December 22nd (Saturday)]

Your strength in this is a wonderful example to others. I know you may not feel strong but to all of us, you are exhibiting great control.

Great job.

[This message edited by Stevesn at 1:45 PM, December 23rd (Sunday)]

Well, today, one week after I told the OP’s H, he texted my WH making threats about “if I ever run into you” and “I hope we meet one day” and “you’re setting great morals for your kids” & “F*ck you you’re an asshole don’t ever talk to my wife again.”

I’m guessing she placed a ton of blame on my H when she was confronted last week.

I never did tell her off when I found out. But this makes me want to. I’m angry that her H is threatening mine while we are trying to R. I feel like it just makes things harder for me by causing more anxiety.

I know my H can block his number and hopefully this will be it. Is there anything else he should be doing to handle this? Should he reply with an apology? Say nothing? Should I be contacting her telling her she’s a home wrecker and to leave my family alone too? I mean I’m sure I’d feel satisfied briefly but surely that won’t help?

Take the high road and don't talk to her. In the meantime, as to your WH, he made his bed and now he can lie in it. If he was "man" enough to fuck the OBS's wife, he can now be "man" enough to handle whatever the OBS brings.

In reality, the OBS will likely bring nothing. Some nasty talk, then it will die down.

I'd just leave it at that, it sounds that OBS is venting, he's going through a rollercoaster of emotions, if he was going to do something typically they just don't announce it, if you feel like you have to, then contact OBS again and just tell him that you'll take care of your WH and for him to handle his WW, it takes two to tango and they're both guilty as charged. If he continues then you may pursue other legal options.

She may have tried to blame your husband, and maybe she didn't. Regardless, the man has a right to be angry with the man who was fucking his wife. You need to stay NC with her. She doesn't care about anything you have to say. I don't think your husband should respond at all. Stay NC. Let the man vent at your husband for a bit,then block him.

This is the risk a man takes when he fucks another man's wife. A pissed off husband. Its common for the BS to contact the AP and give them Hell. Unless he starts making threats about killing,or coming to your house, then he deserves to say how he feels. He's telling him to stay away from his wife. Normal. Saying he was showing a horrible example for his kids. True. And of your husband ever does see him out in public, the respectful..and smart..thing to do would be to go the other way.

If you must contact anyone make it her husband. Ask him,out of respect for you since you respected him enough to give him the truth, if he will go NC and deal with his mess,and allow you to deal with yours.

[This message edited by HellFire at 9:30 PM, December 27th (Thursday)]

I’m angry that her H is threatening mine while we are trying to R.

You are angry at the wrong person. He is as much a victim of this as you are. Your husband knew the risks when he started this game. There are consequences.

And of your husband ever does see him out in public, the respectful..and smart..thing to do would be to go the other way.

I would strongly suggest that you husband understand that. Most likely, as HellFire said, he's probably blowing off steam and won't follow through, but an accidental meeting face to face, well,...all bets are off at that point.

MomBroken3

Note that in his NC letter he blames her for being a toxic person and you are OK with that.

As if he had an affair because of things she did – or continued the affair because of things she did.

When in reality the affair took place because he allowed it and it carried on because he decided to let it carry on.

No – he’s not the only person to blame. She too has to take her share. But her blame is that (a) she had an affair with a married man and (b) she cheated on her husband. Just like your husband had an affair with a married woman and he cheated on his wife.

The OWH is making the same mistake. He’s saying the affair was because of your husband. Maybe he might even claim your husband is toxic…

Lay ALL your blame on your husband. The OW is a non-entity. She has no room at all in your marriage any more.

Just as you needed someone to blame (OW and rightfully so) he needs to vent his anger on your WH. Right or wrong. You have held back and he isn't. It's no different than if you were to tell her off. I understand it's difficult but you did the right thing. He's got to live with his wife if they decide to reconcile just as you do your husband. It's natural for us all to want to pile on the OP.

Have your husband block him and ignore. You did the right thing by telling.

[This message edited by childofcheater at 10:00 AM, December 28th (Friday)]

I strongly concur with Hellfire and twisted. Tell your WH that if he sees the OBH, he needs to put his head down and go the other way. As a BH who still has to deal with the OM being around because my exWW married him, I've made it clear that he is to stay out of my sight and that if we have to be in the same place at the same time for my daughter, he is to give me a wide berth and not so much as look at me.

And if the OBH does encounter your WH and kick his teeth in, just tell your WH that he earned it when he decided it was his place to stick his dick in another man's wife.

One way to see if there is secret contact going on (thus breaking NC) is to expose to the other spouse and see if your WH gets mad or upset.

[This message edited by Decorum at 11:32 PM, December 28th (Friday)]

Yay on telling the Other BS. It is like a weight being lifted off your shoulders, right?

Keep us updated!

I certainly DO now feel like a weight was lifted. In the initial days and my anxiety over retaliation possibilities I didn’t feel better but as time has passed I do.

I keep wondering if I had a small misstep by not telling OPH that she immediately emailed my H when she was confronted. Maybe I should have sent him a pic of the email letting him know “hey, she’s trying to figure out how to prepare for your confrontation” as a courtesy to him or something. But in the moment I was wrapped up in initiating an official NC. After about a week I was like “oh I should’ve probably told him.” 😬

No more contact between her and him now. And her H hasn’t asked me for any more details.