SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

TheCalamity, thank you for sharing your story. Mine is similar. I found a screenshot of WS’s online chat early in December. Our sex life had been going downhill for years but this was a slap in the face. Finding out that he had been having cybersex with random people for more than a year and I had no clue was devastating. I struggled to make him understand that masturbating on webcam for a partner (whether it is a random person on the internet or whatever) was infidelity, no other way for me to see it. He knew I wouldn’t like it but felt like as far as being unfaithful, it was a gray area. Not to me. The lies, the secrets, how can I trust him again.

I have found everyone’s comments so helpful. I don’t know what our long term prospects are, trying to reconcile with a porn addict, but it helps to see that others are living through this too.

Thank you for posting this. I had no idea that porn was addicting, or even that a person could get addicted to it! On dday I even asked my WS why couldn't he just watch porn instead of having OEAs with women overseas? I guess I felt watching porn was "normal"?

I guess I felt watchI guess I felt watching porn was "normal"?

I think it can be if both parties are ok with it. In some marriages it’s even an activity that is enjoyed together. Anything can be detrimental if becomes unhealthy or a crutch. It especially becomes a huge problem if it becomes the primary sexual outlet in the marriage. I think the real problem in a marriage is secrecy no matter what the secret is. If it’s out in the open, before it’s started, porn or other sexual cyber stuff can be negotiated.

I think your husband needs some help that you might not be able to provide. Without judging his choices, if it is indeed an addiction and out of his control, he needs professional help or a support group. He needs to find out if it is an addiction and then deal with it.

After that, he will be able to work on his marriage that is at the breaking point. I don't think he can fix his part of the marriage while the addiction is in charge.

Just my 2 cents.

[This message edited by breatheme at 1:31 PM, January 3rd (Thursday)]

This all sounds so familiar. The best thing about finding this blog is seeing we are not the only ones going through this. We are not alone.I see you have a strong faith as do I.I do not know where my M is headed but what I can tell you is that I agree in when alot of people describe the initial stage as a roller coaster(I HATE REAL LiFE ROLLER COASTERS)and my faith has been helping me but also it wrecks me at the same time.I have started IC, as is my WS.If he wants help there still is hope. Keep reading here and keep writing. There is no easy handbook for broken hearts but I find reading and advising helps me remain strong.