SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Sunday, the 6th of January 2019

I appreciate my SI ohana (family) and the advice/support I’ve received the past 4 or 5 years (can’t remembef the year I joined. It went by so fast. When I first joined SI I was in false reconciliation with my now XWH. I feel so stupid that I didn’t go through the first time I filed divorce in September 2014.

I had a little burning cleansing ceremony NYE. Helped a little. Still got more photos to burn. Found a few of his mother and him from his younger days as a rock n roll wanna be star. Ugh...she is a hyenna. I know hyenas are smart and great hunters but imagine one with dark pink lip liner and bright glossy lip gloss. That’s his mom. The woman who enabled my XWH to be a lazy ass inheritance seeking pos.

Through the process of smudging myself free of his energy in my home I’ve been putting pieces together I.e timelines and friends who knew about the woman he has been seeing while trying (he was) to stop the divorce. Fake friends. Fake friends who don’t want to be “involved “ yet were because they watched him,they friended her on fb, invited them to their parties while knowing I was clueless of her. One chick former fake friend knew all the bullshit I was put through by XWH yet would suck up to his ego when he posted videos of him on fb performing new songs he has written.

So, I deactivated and removed all social media apps from my readily handy iPhone X. Lol...I hope I can maintain and not go back on for a while. My good honest friend said I need FB rehab.

The last time I saw him was mid July when he came over to grab his belongings. He was about to embarked on a trip cross country to North Carolina. Before he left he asked if he could have a few coats (angora and faux fur coats) his mom gave me years ago. He flipped out when I said “no”. I found out why. His new gf was waiting in another town hanging out with my so called friends. Turns out she was moving to North Carolina with him. I looked her up. Twice in 2 years a missing person report was filed on her. She’s a meth head and supposedly recovering heroin addict. I also found out that while my X was gathering his things at my place his new gf was doing sexual favors on one of his friends. People in that little town have nothing better to do than gossip but I’m sure it happened because I heard this from a reliable source.

Right before Xmas XWH called me at work. Thought it was a random call because it had a FL area code. It was him. He tried to convince me that chick is just his friend. Hahaha. He didn’t know that another one of his “fake friends” told me she left him soon after she got to North Carolina. Yet still he was trying to convince me I am still the love of his life. That she knew he is still not over me. Fuck him. Fuck his mom too. I might be still hurting and a little foolish but I’m not that naive.

Karma: found out that his deceased step dad left him nothing in the will. That his cousin (by marriage only) somehow convinced his mother’s late husband to make her executor of his will and sole beneficiary in the event his mom dies before her (the cousin). That the 2011 Escalade my XH thought would be his is now being sold for money to his late step dads estate.

Backstory: the last few years during our fake reconciliation his hyena mother has been sending my XWH thousands of $$$$ to fuel his gambling and drug addictions. Probably hookers too. I also found out that the last few months before his step dad’s death at age 93 his hyena mom has been seeing an old flame of hers. I’m pretty sure his cousin revealed this to his step dad before his death which is why the will was changed to not have my XH and his hyena gold digging mom have any piece of his hard earned money.

Lastly, about forgiveness. In one of the last texts I got from him before I blocked him, he said that he has sought penance from God. That God forgives him of the sins he committed in our marriage and against me and my sons. That I need to forgive him too. Why do people do that? Such a cop out to say that “God forgives me”. Btw, his mom is supposedly an ordained Christian minister. All she did (and still do) every day was talk about the Lord. I think, like him, they are both silver tongued devils.

I don’t go to mass every Sunday but I sure try to be kind, honest, compassionate to people.

I’m trying hard to not gloke over his misfortunes. He and his mother did do this to themselves. In hindsight I think his mother was very jealous of me. I’m a exotic Hawaiian mixed ethnic woman who played music with her son in addition to being a professional hotelier. I graduated from college, studied in Japan and now supports myself without any help from no one. Unlike his mother ( 3 marriages to men with money) I didn’t fold and be sue happy when I divorced her son.

I was so glad to read your post. I'm sorry that he can't find his way to become a decent human being but since he can't, I'm glad that you're finally free of him and that Karma has come knocking on his door.

Continued joy and peace to you in the New Year!

I need to have a cleansing ceremony myself. I still have a few things that need burning for sure. I am glad that things are going well for you now. It's a shame that they never seem to change and think they can just waltz back into a life they destroyed. Keep on keeping on.

Wednesday the 9th of January.

So far so good. No contact with WXH since Friday the 4th. That is really a good thing for me because I tell you losing the love of my life hasn’t been easy.

But, when I think of what I am missing I’ll go through this again because he definitely is a jerk. A crazy lazy ass narcissistic jerk.

Cutting ties with fake friends has been easier than I thought.

One female friend in particular said “I didn’t want to get involved”. Well, missy by keeping your mouth shut with the knowledge he was cheating on me you made yourself involved. This particular “friend” knew Of all the shit I went through with him. She has seen me cry.

Found a bag of shoes he left in a spare room closet. My son threw it in the trash last night.

Sunday the 13th of January.

I failed. I took 5 huge steps forward only to fall 20 steps back,

I’m ashamed to admit that about 2 hours after I posted a feel good post that I went 5 days with no contact my WXH called me at work. I knew I should’ve hung up when I heard his voice on the other end. But Nooooo dumbass me felt butterflies 🦋. He was crying. That he really misses me. That I was cruel to burn photos of him, us in the metal case his dad gave him. That he wants to see me in the spring/summer to do gigs. That his “friend” knows I am and will always be the love of his life. That she thinks our love story is beautiful but sad because two people in love are going through what he and I are going through. WTF

He begged me to unblock him on my phone and social media sites. That he wants to Skype...practice music and write songs together like we used to.

Couple days later I checked his Instagram. He posted a video of his “ friend” riding a skateboard gushing how hot she is. He then commented that’s really his gf.

Fuck me!!! Why the fuck did I not hang up when I heard his voice. Why the heck did I look at his Instagram?

Why is he torturing me like this?

Why do I keep torturing myself?

He is not a good person. He put me through hell the last 4 years we were married.

Before I blocked him on my phone (for the 1ooth time) I texted him I don’t forgive him for cheating and doing other things a married man should not have done. That I do not forgive his not so Christian like mom who meddled in our marriage and enabled him to cheat, gamble and do drugs. That I do not wish them well. That one day his “friend” will burn him. By the way, his “ friend” is a 43 year old mother who has had two missing person report filled on her the last two years. She is currently (supposedly) free from using meth and heroin.

I know. I know. Contact with him is not good. I’m starting over again. I’m not giving up on me.

Don’t be so hard on yourself for picking up the phone. We’re human and will falter sometimes. Good for you for recognizing his games and standing up for yourself. I wish you lots of love. Stay strong.

It's hard, just do hour by hour, day by day, soon you will realize a week, month and a year have passed.

You can do this!!

I threw a newspaper article at my WS, showing him an article about OW 1st H flipping out and murdering her OM (who was her H’s fire chief boss... then killing himself. I screamed at him her daughter is growing up w/o her daddy bc of OW slut. That he’s stupid for f*****g his friends wife (OW in article).

He said, “oh those people have nothing to do with me”.

WTH? Same scenario, screwing her new H friend after the previous H murdered the OM and killed himself?

There’s really no way to communicate with these people.

Best to close the door, protect ourselves, and have a better future. Don’t take any phone calls, just vent here!!!

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 10:10 PM, January 20th (Sunday)]

YOU feel stupid? I stayed with a lying cheat for THIRTY YEARS. I gave up my chance to have children for him. I'm going to die poor and alone because of it. Haven't seen many who come close to my kind of stupid even on this site.

And looking back, I can see so many signs that he never loved me and didn't care anything at all about me. How could I not see all that for so long?

Don't feel bad that you didn't go through the divorce in 2014. They are master manipulators of emotions. That's how they get away with it for so long.

I know I must sometimes come across as not caring about how hard it can be for people to walk away. The truth is that I do care very much, but I also know that no matter how hard it is to walk away now, it is virtually guaranteed to be even worse for those who don't.

It's sad that you lost more time and energy because you didn't go through with the divorce in 2014, but that's no reason to blame yourself. So it took you a little longer. Did it take you THIRTY YEARS? And I didn't even file. He did.

Anyway, however long it took, you're here now on the side of recovery where you belong, and that's what matters.

I would ask that you try not to refer to him as the love of your life though. Clearly, he didn't love you, and you loved who you thought he was, not who he really was. You didn't lose the love of your life, you only lost an illusion.

Best of luck.