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64fleet (original poster member #18710) posted at 3:08 PM on Monday, January 28th, 2019
Told my spouse today. Feel like shit. 20 yrs in March, feel like I wasted the last 11. She told me nothing inappropriate happened. So I guess it is normal to send pics to folks who arent your spouse. Maybe it is me.
Curious9 ( member #48433) posted at 3:43 PM on Monday, January 28th, 2019
Did she think that talking to another man would be acceptable after what you went through with her on the first go around? How did she act when you told her you wanted a divorce? Did you express to her it doesn't matter if nothing inappropriate happened in her mind in yours to still no acceptable?
Is she asking to stay together or is she like its ok lets divorce?
64fleet (original poster member #18710) posted at 5:44 PM on Monday, January 28th, 2019
She seemed sad, we will discuss it more this evening. I dug thru her phone today, at some point she told 3 male friends she was meeting in a text she "my apologies if I should too much appreciation-Im no lesbian". Claims it was abouta hug and kiss on the cheek. Texted a male friend when she heard a song on the radio, told him she thought of him when Mr Jones came on and wanted him to know.
I am nearly positive she is bi-polar, and self medicates with alcohol/weed and a precsribed AD.
[This message edited by 64fleet at 7:39 AM, January 29th (Tuesday)]
WornDown ( member #37977) posted at 5:50 PM on Monday, January 28th, 2019
Oh, man...So sorry to hear that.
That's too bad she threw away the opportunity you gave her. You offered your heart and trusted her, but she showed her true stripes. 
Grieve, get through the D, pick up the pieces and then start living again. That's all you can do.
Hang in there.
Me: BH (50); exW (49): Way too many guys to count. Three kids (D, D, S, all >20)Together 25 years, married 18; Divorced (July 2015)
I divorced a narc. Separate everything. NC as much as humanly possible and absolutely no phone calls. - Ch
WornDown ( member #37977) posted at 5:52 PM on Monday, January 28th, 2019
I am nearly positive she is bi-polar, and self medicates with alcohol/weed and a precsribed AD.
I've been down that road - many times.
If she didn't get help, or realized she needed help, in the last 11 years, it doesn't bode well that she'll seek help now.
I'm not saying she can't/won't, just that the odds are not good. Tread carefully.
Me: BH (50); exW (49): Way too many guys to count. Three kids (D, D, S, all >20)Together 25 years, married 18; Divorced (July 2015)
I divorced a narc. Separate everything. NC as much as humanly possible and absolutely no phone calls. - Ch
Curious9 ( member #48433) posted at 7:11 PM on Monday, January 28th, 2019
That had to hurt to read. I would just get a lawyer and move forward with the divorce. If you have money saved I would get the accounts separated as soon as possible without her knowing. There is no way I would give her a chance to bleed things dry. She knows what she is doing is wrong and she knew this day would come if she didn't stop or get serious help. Its a clear choice in her mind.
I would show her my clear choice about divorce.
If she asked why I would show her the text and tell her good luck with them.
[This message edited by Curious9 at 3:25 PM, January 28th (Monday)]
HalfTime2017 ( member #64366) posted at 7:37 PM on Monday, January 28th, 2019
youve wasted 11 yrs. Don't waste one more day. Its hard, you have 5000 post. You've seen it all, and should follow your own advice that you would give to a newbie on this site. Fleet, good luck and stay strong. You're halfway there already once you've made up your mind.
Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 8:02 PM on Monday, January 28th, 2019
I'm so sorry, 64fleet, truly.
Please be good to yourself.
How are the kids?
Grieve, get through the D, pick up the pieces and then start living again. That's all you can do.
Agreed.
Sending strength...
2025: Me-59 FWH-61 Married 41 years grown daughters- 41 & 37. 1 GS,11yo GD & 9yo GD (DD40); Five grands ages 15 to 8. D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant
Furious1 ( member #42970) posted at 1:26 AM on Tuesday, January 29th, 2019
I am so sorry that it has come to this for you.
F1
BW (me): 46
2 adult kids
D-day: 10/4/13.
Divorced
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 7:15 PM on Wednesday, January 30th, 2019
I'm so sorry (((64fleet))) reading something like that would catapult me out of limbo too.
fBS/fWS(me):52 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:55 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(22) DS(19)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Separated 9/2019; Divorced 8/2024
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