SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Telling her you forgive her if it went too far is the wrong strategy. Forgiving/denying is called rug sweeping and does not work.

If she went too far she has to Own it and the ugly behavior such as: selfish, entitled, deceit, and lack of empathy for you. There's no short cut.

She has to fix herself so you can feel safe going forward.

It's not intuitive but you have to be willing to risk your marriage in order to save it (and she needs to believe you mean it). Anything else from you (including tears) is viewed as you being weak ...and she will not stop her affair (EA or PA).

[This message edited by Robert22205https at 12:37 PM, February 7th (Thursday)]

Dr Fone

Download trial version to computer.

Make a backup copy of her phone.

Apple use iTunes.

Android use smartswitch.

Dr phone has option to use a phone backup.

Suggest practice with drfone on your phone to see how to find delete msg/email clue review "Unknowns".

It will also recover pix.

VAR

Buy 2. Use good batteries. Buy bigger men cards.

Use velcro under seat. Secure well. Replace daily or a soon as you can.

Don't confront early without proof, she will take the affair underground.

Never underestimate how fast an Affair can go physical, where there is opportunity there is a way.

Like others have said. Do act normal. Do not confront without solid proof. Two VAR’s, trail cams at home. Watch her parked car at work, grocery store or gym. It takes 10 minutes max, once a week alone, when he’s meeting her emotional needs through texting fifty+ times daily. When you get solid proof, tell his wife, she will have suspicions herself, confront at same time and out them to your little community. Let everyone know that this kind of behavior is not going to be tolerated anymore. People are going to learn to communicate their needs, have morals and integrity. Don’t think for a minute your smart, beautiful wife or your best bud would not do these things. Given the opportunity, most men would do a knothole in a tree if they thought nobody would see him.

I really appreciate all the comments. I probably needed this reality check... but please don’t post anything else. This all makes me very sick.

I hope it's ok to suggest getting her phone and looking for texts to a "Jennifer".

I bet she's loaded in his phone as Steve. Im thinking they keep the aboveboard stuff under their real names. And the NSFW stuff under the opposite sex pseudonicks.

Check in when you need us and let us know how you are doing.

You are not alone.

The truth if there is any will be in her deleted texts. The voice activated recorder in her car is another cheap easy method.

It would be a good idea to go online and see how much they are texting, calling by checking your phone bill.

This only takes a few minutes. You can download and sort the calls, texts. Don't be shocked at what you find.

I really appreciate all the comments. I probably needed this reality check... but please don’t post anything else. This all makes me very sick.

Right now you need to know what's going on. Don't back off and get this done ASAP. If you use a deleted text recovery system you'll need her password.

Keep your mouth shut, eyes and ears open.

All you've done so far is warn them. If there is anything going on and it will just go deeper underground and be harder to detect so stop confronting with nothing.

[This message edited by Marz at 4:05 PM, February 7th (Thursday)]

Isn't it just so horrible what they put us through? And they are not thinking about us, they are only thinking about the AP and their next encounter with them. So very cruel.

I agree with Marz in his last post and btw, expect the worst. Not the best. if it's the best, you may be relieved, it's it's the worst, you will be better prepared.

Also stop being self defeating. Your orininal post was loaded with a bunch of attacks against yourself.

She is the one dingling with another man, not you with another woman.

Let's say your business was a

success and you made tons while she was doing this ?? Would she complain and then why should she be worthy of your spoils when she was the one stepping out.

She deserves no querrter. Get to the truth asap and be prepared for decisive action

Don't use Dr. Fone to recover deleted texts + a whole lot more from her phone.

Dr. Fone is the best-known option, but it sucks, it's slow and often crashes after an hour of recovery.

Use Fonelab, it is much a better option, I have tested both extensively.

Duplicate post

[This message edited by faithfulman at 8:08 AM, February 8th (Friday)]

My take on this situation?

First: This is an infidelity-site. Everyone replying to you has been slammed in the face and had their heart and life crushed by infidelity. Not even one of us saw it coming. Our experience with infidelity probably always started like the old throw-them-in-the-deep-end version of learning to swim. And we swam, because the other option was to drown…

When someone comes along and posts something like you do we tend to see infidelity. No matter what. If this was a religious site, we would be seeing the Virgin Mary in pictures of toast.

So be careful… Take our advice – mine included – with a grain of salt.

OK – So after telling you to discard what we are sharing then let me tell you my take on your situation:

You have enough red flags for a North Korea military parade.

But you don’t have what you need to understand what you are dealing with…

The most important issue IMHO is to know what you are dealing with.

It could be EA, it could be PA, it could be more, it could be less, could be communications, could be she’s joining a cult, could be that she’s seeing someone completely different, could be depression, could be that you have bad breath… WHATEVER.

My most important suggestion would be to search for what’s going on – NOT to search for an affair.

Don’t give yourself the conclusion beforehand. Do that and you might focus on the wrong things or ignore major clues. Your goal is to find out what’s wrong – NOT to find infidelity. That search might lead you to discovering infidelity but allow your search to lead you there.

Another factor is to realize that you don’t need proof. You don’t need DNA, photo’s or a smoking gun with prints. All you need is that YOU are convinced on what you discover. This is quite important. If you are convinced you don’t have to let your wife know anything more than that you KNOW what she’s doing. You don’t have to share a recording, an e-mail or show her photos. Heck… you can even lie if you want to. If you KNOW you can tell her a friend told you, or you saw them or whatever.

You have already gotten good investigative advice. I’m not going to add more to that other than affairs need communications. Part of the excitement is the planning and preparing. Think how you can catch communications. Go buy a couple of VAR’s. Pay cash and throw away the receipt. Spend time learning how to mute sounds and their recording capabilities. Break or tape lights.

Another suggestion is to trace money. Look at debit and credit card charges. Something unusual? Dinner for 2? Places you/she don’t frequent (its common that people in affairs go to places they are less likely to be recognized). Cash withdrawals from ATM’s in strange locations?

One thing to do is talk to his wife. Only share what you know for a fact. You can even present it in an innocent way. “Hey. I noticed my wife and your husband are texting a lot. You think it’s all about the children’s activities? Any idea what your husband means when he talks about “their secret”?”

And then wait for the responses. You aren’t accusing them of anything, just asking what’s going on. If it’s all innocent, then they should be OK with all stakeholders being in the know.

Our experience with infidelity probably always started like the old throw-them-in-the-deep-end version of learning to swim. And we swam, because the other option was to drown…

This^^^^^

I want to respect your request to post no more, but you are going thru a tough time. I feel every bit of your discomfort. I can only speak for myself, but burying my head in the sand made it hurt worse. Make the turn and face the demon. Smite it.

Hello,

Just chiming in to say that I understand your pain. My FWH was in a very heavy "friendship" EA and the OW was a mutual friend. I get it. I know how painful it is to read the posts. Take your time. No decisions have to be made now.

I suggest you book an IC appointment so you can get some help to cope with this and to stop blaming yourself and your marital issues for her doing this.

And as another poster suggested, read "Not Just Friends" asap.

Sending strength....

I hope it's ok to suggest getting her phone and looking for texts to a "Jennifer".

Yeah, I know all about "Jennifer". My wife and I just went through the same shit. Listen to these guys, they are here to help you. I wouldn't of made it without them. Check your phone logs, get a VAR and if you find anything that makes you uncomfortable, share it with the OMs wife.

[This message edited by DaninOH at 10:08 AM, February 8th (Friday)]

Thanks again for the posts everybody. A lot to think about. One thing I need to clear up... they were not using fake names! 😃. I made those names up so as not to use the real ones. Well hopefully that removes at least one red flag...

Most betrayed who come here will live/stay in denial. This will not help you at all.

You need to know what you're up against ASAP.

Only then can you effectively deal with your situation.

Right now you don't know. Find out. That's your first step.

It's human nature to hope and just ignore thinking an issue will just go away. That will put you and keep you in limbo. Not a place you want to be.

Mouth shut, eyes and ears open.

You're misunderstanding. People here dont think you're using their real names in your posts. They're saying to check her contacts in her phone,and email.. all of them..because often a wayward will list the AP under a different name, because they think their spouse wont catch on. Women put their other man under a female friends name, but it's his number. So check and see if his number is under a female's name.

And then something strange ... he writes this in quotations (not their real names) ‘Steve’s Jennifer’ and something about ‘our secret.’

This is the biggest red flag. There is no reason for your wife and a married man to have "secrets". The online call log will tell you exactly how much contact they really are having. If for some reason you are not comfortable snooping, at the very least I would contact this guy and make it clear that he is to have ZERO contact with YOUR wife.

[This message edited by DaninOH at 12:45 PM, February 8th (Friday)]