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steadychevy (original poster member #42608) posted at 1:20 PM on Thursday, February 21st, 2019
I think that could well be it, Superesse. It was actually my sister-in-law not a sister involved. My brother appeared to be quite uncomfortable. They did leave the store without saying anything when leaving even though they would have had to walk right behind my WW's back while she was getting her phone worked on. She didn't see them leave.
Yes, I wonder if there is a difference between how my SIL views my WW as compared to my sisters' X's. I've heard this SIL say somewhat derogatory remarks about those men, one of whom she got on with reasonably well.
BH(me)72(now); XWW 64; M 42 yrsDDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW 4 years; "dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, liesSeparated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020
goalong ( member #57352) posted at 6:54 PM on Thursday, February 21st, 2019
For you to get hurt and your WW to complain to you that she did not get what she thought a proper welcome, it looks like you and WW are still very close. If you ask your brother about this he will think you value your relation with WW more than your relation with him.
[This message edited by goalong at 12:55 PM, February 21st (Thursday)]
steadychevy (original poster member #42608) posted at 7:15 PM on Thursday, February 21st, 2019
My WW did not complain that she thought she didn't get a proper welcome. I have no idea where you would have gotten an off base idea like that.
I got hurt because I thought she got more of a welcome than I thought she should have. More of a greeting than I would have given. If I ask my brother about this it won't be why she didn't get a warmer welcome. It will be why she got to warm of a greeting. I have a good relationship with my brother.
Where in the hell did that come from?
How often do we hear the BS told that blood is thicker than water? Don't be surprised that the family of the WS ends up siding with/supporting the WS. While my SIL is not my blood she is on my side of the family. We've been separated since September, 2017. There has not been any contact of any kind other than a different SIL phone call, once, with my WW. I thought perhaps, just perhaps, those married to my blood would be thicker than water with me.
BH(me)72(now); XWW 64; M 42 yrsDDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW 4 years; "dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, liesSeparated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020
Jorge ( member #61424) posted at 7:19 PM on Thursday, February 21st, 2019
My best friend was f'd over by his WW (now divorced). He is completely unimpacted being around her post divorce (so it seems). I on the other hand, cannot look her in the eye. I can only fake a half smile and then look away.
I understand where your brother is coming from. He hasn't reconciled. People who love you are hurt because you were/are in pain and THEIR reconciliation with her is contingent upon a completely different set of circumstances from yours. They too are in pain, but it's secondary to yours and never discussed as should be the case.
My best friend has yet to engage in a relationship since his divorce over 15 years ago. He needs IC to restore his faith in relationships. His x-wife needs IC to figure out why she's working on her 5th or 6th marriage. I may need IC simply because I can't stand to be in her company for even one second. I don't fake it well. Quite poor at it actually.
OwningItNow ( member #52288) posted at 1:09 AM on Friday, February 22nd, 2019
Steadychevy, I am in no way asking questions as a criticism. Yes, of course you have a right to be hurt, but I never want people to hurt. Any way of helping them to reframe what has happened so that they don't see the situation in a hurtful way is helpful, I think. That was why I was asking.
I do not think that feeling hurt is inevitable. In other words, I think that we can have certain realizations and people can point things out that allow us to see that we don't need to take things personally or don't need to react to what others say or do. That has been an important lesson for someone like me who had a mother pushing her buttons from an early age, just to get an emotional reaction from me--for kicks. I had to get a firm grip on the whole "feelings aren't facts" thing. I just thought maybe you could reframe the situation as that your SIL probably sees you as stronger than your ex, so she pities her. But pity is not like or support or believe.
I am sorry that you felt betrayed, but "feelings aren't facts." Lol. Not being a smart ass, just wanting you to not be angry. I do feel they were supporting you, especially your brother. I figure he said to your SIL, "Why did you hug that b@#%$?"
I also think it's great that you like your IC and can visit this topic with him/her and get their take. If you want to.
Best wishes.
me: BS/WS h: WS/BS
Reject the rejector. Do not reject yourself.
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