SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

FYI, if she uses gmail for email and you can get to her mailbox you will find that most if not all of her email is still there even if she deleted it. Gmail keeps way more stuff than you know.

Go to her page, on the left side scroll down to "all mail" it is below mail, sent mail, spam, etc.

Google also tracks the phone too.

if you are logged into her gmail on chrome and type "google timeline" into the browser, if she has location services enabled on her phone so she can use maps while driving, it will bring you to a page where you can view all the places her phone went day by day. This is pretty coarse and full of random errors due to the way cell towers give false readings, but if she is in one place with a good cell signal for a while the points will be really close to accurate.

Neither of us have used social media until about a year ago when she finally signed up on facebook, to keep up with her family (we live on one coast, they live on the other).

Super common for facebook to suggest new friends and for people to hook up with old flames, and start chatting using the facebook messenger app. So these convos might be hidden in messenger instead of as texts on her phone.

I discovered the A by opening my WS facebook page from his work computer where he saved his login. We worked together (had a business). Sometimes we would travel to work in different cars so we could have a different schedule. He went home early and I stayed late to work on the books. I had been suspecting something due to the same sort of behavior (plus he was picking fights with me and being mean for no good reason). So I was looking on his work computer and going through his browser history, opened up facebook, and the chat window popped up and THEY WERE CHATTING while he was on the home computer, and I could read their convo in real time.

I still have PTSD from that moment, thinking about it makes my heart pound and I start sweating. Their whole love affair right there in front of me, I could scroll way back and read the entire thread, and then watch them add to it.

This also works if she is chatting on her phone using the facebook messenger app and her computer at home is logged into her facebook page.

If she logs out and you don't know her password, installing a keylogger on the computer can reveal her password. If she is using a game or other app that has a chat function then a keylogger can show you that as well.

I knew her (but not him) at that time, and I sure had eyes for her, but I respected her comittment to her fiance.

Bizarre no one has mentioned this.

So she was engaged to this guy but you guys were sort of friends but it was obvious through time there was something more...so ahem..she was emotionally cheating and even though "you respected her commitment", which you really didn't because there was an attraction, you both kind of acted on it (not physically but emotionally) and not long after giving her come kind of ultimatum she went to where the grass was greener for her.

So you're surprised she's now turned the tables and is doing it to you?

Relationships that start like this never end well because one party sees themselves as knights in shining armour or damsels finding another love they never saw coming.

It sounds to me like she discovered FB, then it either proposed the EX as potential friend or she wondered what he was up to and found him and they started chatting on messenger.

Then she organized this trip back home to either just talked about the old days, or maybe more. This is just speculation at this point. I disagree that her mother is necessary complicit, her mother won’t be keeping tabs on her daughters whereabouts minutes by minutes. Usually parents like to see their children happy, not destroying their lives.

So now you have to investigate. Do you know if the EX fiancé is married? The OBS can be a good source of information but it’s a bit soon because you don’t have much proof at this point.

I was able to see deleted texts last night on my phone using fonelab. I'll do the same with hers tonight. I have limited time for responses today. I'll be back tomorrow hopefully to report the text messages were innocuous, but I doubt they are. Im not Facebook savvy, so maybe keylogger is the way to go.

My brother got great help here a couple years ago. Hes now remarried to a great woman who would never cheat on him. He is happier than ever, and he gives this place a lot of credit for helping him get where he is. I just never thought I'd be in the same place he was. This not knowing is killing me, but I'm prepared for the worst. It certainly doesn't look good

And like my brother, I'd never take a Chester back. I just couldn't.

Good job. Mouth shut, eyes and ears open.

Be strong. And know you are not alone.

I'll be back tomorrow hopefully to report the text messages were innocuous

I'm hoping they are innocuous as well. If it's bad news, we're here for you. Hang in there.

Does your wife go home to visit mom every year?

In addition to the texts, she should tell you who the old friends were (and their numbers) the night she disappeared.

Do you have her facebook password?

The timing of her joining FB and then connecting with the X isn't just a coincidence. FB is known for bringing Xs together.

Check out her FB page and see if the OM 'like's her posts and photos .... and if he's a friend then check out his FB page to see how often she 'likes' his posts. The types of photos they share may also be revealing. Just more proof of an ongoing relationship prior to her visit with 'mom'.

There's also a separate Facebook texting app called 'messenger' - look for a icon with a blue dot with a white lightening bolt.

Be on the lookout for fake facebook/messenger accounts as well. Found that my ex had created a fake name (Robert S.), but used his real cell phone number. He was receiving periodic notices from FB to his cell, something like "Robert, update your facebook today". I thought it must have been for some previous phone owner whose name was Robert. Then I find a Robert S. in my own cell phone contacts. I kept wondering who the heck Robert was in my contacts. I have a ton of business connections in my phone so really it took awhile for me to conclude I had no colleague by the name of Robert S. Then all of a sudden the two things clicked. Punched the number in Messenger search, and sure enough, there was Robert S. with my ex's phone number. He created a fake account so they could stay in contact. Apparently there is some way on facebook to send a message they get as a text, and that's how she was reaching out to him, I guess to let him know she messaged him in messenger (since he would install and deinstall it apparently) and they would messenger and video in that app. Every time I thought there couldn't possible be another way they'd connect, I would find more... Messenger, LINE app, Second Phone app, name changes, her changing her number.... just look EVERYWHERE. Oh, and to add, he was using it with at least one other person too, so yea, AP (now girlfriend since he moved in with her), isn't getting a prize. I'm sure she thinks though that he only lied to me.

[This message edited by Starzen at 6:14 PM, February 24th (Sunday)]

You'll do fine, you are ahead of most and seem to realize your wife is a want not a need.

Be careful with the digging. This can and will consume you. Try talking to her and sorting it out this way. For me after 20 plus years same deal as you. No hard evidence though. Almost 2 years out and there are things that look still today suspect.

Some of my "findings" were just paranoia. The mind will create scenarios that are worse than the reality.

Keep digging but don't create scenarios in your head. If you dig too deep and find nothing (like me) you will likely develop PTSD. This is no joke.

Understand that this way of living is not living at all.

If she's actually cheating let's hope it's a one and done deal.

For me, what killed me was finding out a 2 time after Dday that she was still following and possibly talking to guys. That wound hasn't healed yet.

I warn you about that because cheating spouses will say anything to deflect the suspicision and attention away from the problem. They will only stop their behavior after the fog clears. When does the fog clear? Months to years!

Sorry you are here with the rest of us. Keep working on YOU and keep busy and positive.

Wishing you the best.

Hoping for the best for you today.

Obviously a lot of red flags unfortunately. But good that you're taking a level headed approach to this.

If possible, before confronting perhaps come back here and get advice from some of the pros on how to do that if the texts come back as expected.

Sorry to hear about your situation Wiley.

I support not taking a cheater back. If she chose to have an affair then she's obviously not committed to you. I hope the best for you.

[This message edited by survrus at 7:06 PM, February 25th (Monday)]

Well, I was able to read the deleted text messages on my wife's phone. The texts themselves were innocuous on my wife's part, but kind of harassing on the part of the other guy. I'll have to break this post up in several posts because when it gets too long, the "Submit Message" button disappears. Probably caused by Google chrome.

Before I get into the texts, I should probably say that my wife seems to have returned to normal. Joking, laughing, initiating sex, wanting to go out together.

The communication with the other guy started the 2nd day of her trip. The first was from him to her, identifying himself, saying he heard she was in town, asking to meet for a drink to catch up. More in next post.

My wife's response was (paraphrasing) "How did you get my number? I don't think it would be a good idea for us to meet. I'm happily married and my husband wouldn't approve."

More later. Work must intrude.