SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Great question:

Before A:

More joyful, effusive, less prone to lows. More guarded about who I was or what I was thinking with my wife, afraid of what she would think. More prone to hiding or repressing emotions or thoughts.

After:

More open and honest in general. I curse more. More accepting of who I am, the good and bad. Less certain about the future. Less restrained and more emotional.

Before…I was codependent...I wasn't aware of it...Im old school...I took care of everything family wise...I was a perfectionist...I made sure WH was happy...in all ways...I wasn't very happy..I suspected WH travel A's...I stayed very busy...I came last..Not only for myself, but WH put me last. I never spoke up for myself.

After.......getting D. I was right all along..I feel smarter...I feel stronger...yet facing lots of stress..I see Wh as a stranger..a monster...I m not sure what the future looks like...I do know what ever it is, I will matter...Im finding myself again...I am taking care of me...and life for me will be much better. alone might be a struggle...but better then living in infidelity...I never wanted to D....but I also never wanted to be cheated on repeatedly..I had to make a choice. Wh says he doesn't recognize me anymore...that's a good thing. I hope Im changing...toward all things that needed improvement...I know I have changed toward WH..

[This message edited by cancuncrushed at 8:47 AM, March 4th (Monday)]

Before the A...I smiled a lot.

Now I don't smile. She stole my smile and I want it back.

Before the affair I projected self-confidence. I was able to camouflage myself into conversations. I was a people person... Inside I felt like I as a phony, fearful, perfectionist, feared being abandoned, I was a liar. I inflated my self to make my self look better. I guess outside I was an egomaniac and inside I had a huge inferiority complex. I treated my family as an afterthought. I also was a practicing alcoholic, tho I like to say that I had pretty much perfected it.

After the affair, in recovery, in reconciliation, I have anxiety issues, but those are better now with newer meds. I don't try to make myself the center of attention anymore in public. I enjoy friends, but I am at ease being alone with myself. I no longer think I am a phony. I live most days without fear, I don't believe that my family will abandon me. I don't lie anymore. I tend to put others before myself. I am more able to stand up for myself and not feel hurt if someone points out that I have done something wrong.

I no longer tell myself on a daily basis that I hate myself... It may slip out on a bi-monthly basis... but no longer daily.

I am much less of a perfectionist, except when it comes to word working... I don't know what the hell is wrong with me but I will agonize over making a cut cause I am so afraid I am going to screw it up. But I do find woodworking to be therapeutic and a new creative outlet. But you can't recut a piece of wood to make it longer.