SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hardenmyheart, it’s hard to say. Like I said, I have zero interest in being with another man at this point in life, but who knows how I will feel in the future. As of now, it’s not my thing although I have wished it was. Hurting him does not enter my mind to be honest. I truly believe to understand the pain of infidelity, you have to feel it. So sometimes, yes... I wish he could feel it to understand.

My WS says this all the time since I found out. My suspicion is that it’s so I can’t berate him anymore rather than him feeling guilty. It’s his was of giving me permission to do so,butitis tthe same he lied, sneaked around and slept with the Whore of OW. I’m not stopping to his level so he feels better. Oddly enough he knows someone at work has been chasing me for months and so every day he will message me and ask abtthe person. Drives me bonkers that after 15 years he doesn’t trust me. You know the person that stood by him when no one else would, motherlf his children etc etc they make no sense

My WW tells me the same thing. all. the. time.

The funny thing is, she say's "It's okay, I give you permission, and I promise there will be no repercussions".

Affair: Going behind your BS's back and getting intimately, romantically, physically, and/or sexually involved with someone else and lying to your BS the entire time. Your BS did NOT give you "permission". Otherwise it would be called an "open marriage", not an affair.

You can't GIVE permission to someone to have an affair.

By definition, it's not an affair.

Even if "paybacks" worked, the only way to payback would be to do it on the sly and have an actual affair.

I don't think WW gets it yet.

My WH gets jealous and will say he's worried that I'll have a RA but that there's nothing he can say about it. I just tell him he's right but I dont want to be with anyone else. I'm not like him.

I do find myself getting so angry at times though that I'll want some kind of revenge or punishment or something.... something so he can truly feel my pain. I feel like when he holds me while I have my breakdowns... that's a type of punishment for him. He has to sit there and face the pain he's put on me. He has to watch what he's done to me and know that it might never be ok. And the look on his face during those moments tells me it's gut wrenching for him. Good.

But I get it. I've had two guy friends that have texted me often since dday just to check on me. Right. Since I've become "woke" since dday and no longer trust anyone...i realize it wouldn't take but me saying "lets have sex" for either of these men to jump on board if I wanted to. It would be so easy and in some respects, justified. But I can't go through with it because it wouldn't ever make things even. I'd still feel the same about WH infidelity and still hurt.

Plus, I just don't want to. Never have.

But I can imagine a scenario if I was with a male friend, alone, and he was helping me through a difficult moment, things could get out of hand. I'd tell myself in the moment that it was only fair.... but the thing is,I realize that and wouldn't put myself in that situation.

So yeah, my WH stays worried about that. Oh well.

I feel like what’s the point of reconciliation if you’re just going to cheat also. The goal is to create a healthy marriage again.

HMH and the others are right.

They want to drag you down to their level. Cheat! That way, they don't have to deal with the issues. They can claim YOU cheated first! That see! You had it in you all along and that's why they cheated! That you cheating was intentional, which is worse than what they did.

It's that, or the pain is all about them. Pity, pity.

Sigh.