Gender isn't important when choosing an attorney. I was in a CIR (Committed Intimate relationship) for 23 years. We had a house, business, and 3 children together. I had been a SAHM for 18 years and only worked part time for our business which was started in HIS name only while we were together.
First attorney I spoke to was female, and advised me to take what I could get, since we weren't married I wouldn't get much of anything. She told me I would lose in court, and that if he offered me anything for a settlement to take it and consider myself lucky. She was adamant that I could not get 50/50 or a fair and equitable division of assets based off not being married. I left in tears.
I felt she was incorrect, as I had read my state is indeed a 50/50 state and they DO recognize a CIR.
I took a consultation with a male attorney that I picked off the internet based on his reasonable demeanor, and positive client reviews. He had been doing divorce/family law for over 37 years and was highly praised.
If you aren't comfortable with the attorney, their personality or how they present themselves, pick a new one. Nothing says you can't get several consultations, until you are confident you've made a good choice. This attorney was calm, not overly aggressive, but well versed in the law. He told me exactly what I was entitled to. He also hears cases as a temp judge in addition to his normal cases. He knew what the law would do, and how they would address it. He didn't sell me sunshine. My Ex thought my attorney was the devil himself, and absolutely hated him, and his level of knowledge, and attention to detail. Nothing slipped past him, and he gave my ex no rocks to hide under.
It boiled down to three basic questions.
1. What do you have
2. What is it worth
3. Who is going to get it.
The rest is a formula based off a tally sheet. Everything you have is allotted a "value", whether it's the house, business, cars or a pension account. Things go into your column or his column based off what you want to keep. It will need to balance out when you finish. "Fair and equitable" does NOT mean it HAS to be 50/50. If you agree it can be 60/40, 70/30, or any combination that works.
In my instance the male attorney was correct, one year later we reached settlement, after a ton of documents, subpoenas for my ex's records, and approximately $20,000-$25,000 dollars spent on my attorneys services. He was worth the money. He never lost his temper, filed paperwork and always told me where I stood, the potential problems, and when to calm down.
Our "divorce" was contentious. I ended up owning the house with no payments, he got the business. He has to pay me $225,000 for a buyout over 3.5 years. He has to pay off all debts we had. He has to pay medical, dental for our kids and myself until I'm paid in full. I have a lien on our two pieces of property that he was awarded until I'm paid in full. He pays the cell phone bills for all of us. He has to carry life insurance for the $225,000 until I'm paid off. He pays car insurance for two of our kids. I got $1000 child support until our daughter graduates in two years. I get $725 for our collage age son for the next 4 years until he gets his bachelors degree.
It pays to do your research when selecting an attorney. Don't believe any attorney that claims that you will "win" or not encounter any push back or issues. Nothing is guaranteed except you will have a bill to pay at the end. Just because you are right or honest does not mean it counts in court for a hill of beans.
