SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Your words stuck with me....I too lost the fight to save my marriage...we signed D yesterday....

WH left me a year ago....and only spoke to me last week...house business...and disappeared again...he has zero respect...or consideration...hes making this as cruel as possible...

That's my point....I was wanting my marriage...and it was a bad marriage...I was wanting to create a new marriage...with a bad partner....there was no hope...

If your WH was going to change, he would have...and would have by now...I don't believe denial is that long...getting away with it is...they know...

I thought Wh would finally get it...expecially after filing for D...many return to try...WH did not...I now thank him for that...HE is still the same wayward...IT was my hopium that keeps hanging on... I lived in depression...and sadness.

NOt to sound cruel, but its very common for them to be nicer, when they see the severity of the situation...WHy were they not nicer, from DDay..not in spurts...not when it necessary to stay...

He could have changed this outcome...and he chose not to. Same as when he chose to cheat...he makes bad choices.

I too have felt confused....should I try harder, should I go after him...should I do something...I have done it all....and zero results...I feel sad...it is sad...that you can give so much...and they just cant.

Cant, wont, doesn't, over, done ...these describe WH..

Acceptance is mine. I too have abandonment issues...I too panic...I would rather have something, anything, then be alone...I just recently got this book....I didn't take the advice seriously at first....when you see so many of us feel exactly the same from rejection...it has to be explored...I will read it several times...its a big thing to accept. it is me.

[This message edited by cancuncrushed at 10:06 AM, May 11th (Saturday)]

Smallwonders, you have abandonment wounds from long ago, and those feelings are triggered when you end the R with your WS; you immediately feel unlovable and alone. The feeling leads to desperation and a strong need to get back with him.

Please read Journey from Abandonment to Healing. It helped me break this pattern. You can free yourself from this painful thinking. He is not going to change because our wounds cause us to find a broken mate to play this cycle out with, so we subconsciously choose a rejector. But you can learn and heal yourself. I did it! You can, too.

Keep reading and learning about how to heal abandonment wounds.

Smallwonders.... your strength in doing what you did is truly amazing. It just doesn't feel that way because you are grieving. Allow yourself to grieve.

My hearts desire was for reconciliation.I do not choose separation or divorce... I choose healing, even it means I will be alone. My heart is broken to lose this fight to save our marriage and family, to let go of a man I have loved for 30 years.

So profound what you wrote above and how most BS's feel as we just don't want to have to make this choice, we keep thinking they will choose a healthy life, healthy choices, reach out to us.... but they don't. They keep choosing their drug of choice.

I know you did not want to make this decision. You took your time, you made sure you felt you did everything you could. I just know that was incredibly painful for you to do. Not easy at all.