If you were to ask for my advice, I'd say run to your nearest AlAnon meeting. Listen to meetings on Podcasts and on their websites. Read the material - it's available in bookstores, online, at the meetings, etc.
Do 90 Days of AlAnon and then revisit the things you're asking about. In the process of doing AlAnon, you will detach from his problems which is very similar to doing the 180 which is explained in the Healing Library on this website, left hand side of the page. I personally believe, IOW it's just my opinion, that would be your smartest move right now to sort all this out in your head so that you can make a decision about what you want to do.
And if you asked me what you should tell him, it would go something like this: I can't talk to you about any of this when you're like this. Go to 90 AA meetings in 90 days and then we'll talk.
And let everything else go. You're pleasant to him in a roommate type of way, civil. But nothing else. No discussions of your hopes and dreams, no discussions about anything other than the fewest possible about bills and finances that need to be taken care of right then and about the kids. And about the kids, stick to their school work, need for new clothes, etc. Nothing about whatever cute thing they did that day, etc. Start a journal for those things.
All the best to you. I was married to alcoholic for 45 yrs. It's becoming clear to me now that had I stayed in AlAnon way back in 1983 and worked the program, I'd have peace and serenity in my life. But I didn't and I don't. Don't be like me.
ETA: Thare are scads of audios you can listen to on YouTube and TED talks as well. Plus there are Facebook groups for AlAnon.
[This message edited by josiep at 6:46 AM, May 27th (Monday)]
BW, was 67; now 74; M 45 yrs., T 49 yrs.DDay#1, 1982; DDay#2, May, 2017. D July, 2017
