Perserverantia,
I applaud you! You said it made you feel a little better! I've been on this forum since 2006 and I believe most who have reported doing something like this never regret it and it makes them feel a little better! I also wrote the whore a letter, plus I told her off when I saw her in Walmart one day, not caring who might hear even though it is a small town and I have a professional career.
If I were to offer any tips to anyone, I would say focus on what a low class immoral homewrecker with no self-respect they are and do not focus on how badly you were hurt. Nobody likes to be insulted and I don't buy the part of them feeling "powerful" when we do that.
Some of them might feel sick satisfaction if they know you were hurt or are still hurting though. But unless the OW have extremely low IQs, and are barely human, of course they know you are hurting so making a big deal of pretending you are not does not really have that much value IMO, but I still would not actually TELL the OW how much her actions affected people in that way.
Some OWs may feel "powerful" when you humiliate them publicly but I don't believe most do. The whore from my case seemed scared and could not get away fast enough any time I ever saw her in Walmart or anywhere else after this time. The new dynamic became obvious: I was the one with the power. I never spoke to her again, but never had the need to, and I loved that she lived in fear that I might humiliate her again publicly. I will never regret that one time.
Of course my H was 50% to blame for the A, but I don't care that the letter I sent to the whore seemed to blame her for more than 50%. My letter to her was about her disgusting actions. I would deal with my H privately in my own way and that was not her business as far as I was concerned.
Has your Husband convinced you that she is 50% at fault? It's a lie. I suspect he has been pulling the wool over your eyes for years.
This is a fair question for Perserverantia, I guess, since we don't know what the H is really like, but I do not buy the big deal about we are supposed to place all the blame on our spouse because they made promises and no blame on homewrecking immoral whores who capitalize on opportunities and points of weakness to pursue someone who is married.
In my case the whore pursued my H in the same year when he had lost both his mother and DD and he was out of his mind with grief. This in no way excuses my H but it is part of our story and does help explain the turn of events and his bad choices. Now if my H was using these things to continually blame or make excuses for himself, I would have had a huge problem with that. My H took 100% responsibility for his A and never once tried to convince me it was partly her fault. But when I learned all the details, I see that she pursued him and I don't have to ignore that or pretend it does not matter what a low class whore she is. Letting her know what I truly think of her made me feel better and I still feel strongly about that all these years later. My H and I are closer than ever and even yesterday, the topic of the whore came up briefly (it does not come up that often) but whenever it does he gets emotional feeling bad about how he almost destroyed our marriage.
[This message edited by Bobbi_sue at 3:13 AM, May 24th (Friday)]
