SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

it gets frustrating to see people ignore good advice and wonder why they're getting the same results over and over again.

I agree. That's when I have to just step away.

Btw, isn't that the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results? (Or, something like that.)

I suppose there’s one more thing to take into consideration when you read these posts: we’re all shocked that WS don’t take what they read at face value and they believe their affair was different.

I remember after dday 2 (when WH told me he kept in contact as friends but didn’t know how to get rid of her anymore, he felt responsible for the pain he caused her and he thought he can support her as well through her heat break) asking him why he dismissed the books he read (Not Just Friends and How to help your spouse heal, plus threads here) and the answer was straight forward: he thought his affair was different. He thought that what he read didn’t apply to him. Lo and behold months later realising that his affair was after all the usual cliche.

The BS comes here and has the same belief. How can you, a stranger of the big and mighty internet know their spouse?

In the immediate shock it is impossible to suddenly ignore years of history with a spouse you thought you knew. You still believe you know them. I remember opening my first thread here and telling my story. The replies I got were the usual “you only know the partial truth, cheaters lie”. All I could think was “you don’t know my husband. He’s a good man who fucked up. He admitted to sex and falling in love. Why would he lie?”

Of course everyone was right. Because just like the WSes believing their affair was different, the BSes believes their spouse is different.

Unfortunately it’s the same old story with different protagonists each time. Small details change. But the TT, broken NC etc it’s a cliche.

I don’t get frustrated with people not listening to the advice given. It’s impossible to believe people on the internet over your spouse of many years who promises you have the whole truth and they are NC. I don’t even give much advice. I can see how it will pan out almost from the first post. I just look back and remember the shock. After all we all thought we knew who we married and were shocked to find they do have a different side to them.

[This message edited by Luna10 at 5:18 PM, June 28th (Friday)]

I must admit NC did not come across my mind straight away after DD. It took 5 days for me to realise to ask. But I had this gut feeling he was lost and didn't know what to do so I said let's D. I told him if you want to be friends you need to get rid of her as she knows you are married with kids and has actively tried to stop your involvement with our kids (she wanted him to miss his kids so he would play daddy to hers). He just looked like a lost boy with no idea what to do. We messaged once he landed where he lives then just text for 24 hours. Then he rang me hysterical saying it was me he wanted. It took 2 days to go NC but that's because she kept turning up at his lunch spot or house.

Going NC either way is hard when you dont know its important to R or D.

As for being a newbie and posts that all you vets see as oh here we go. Its daunting to read what people say. Nothing said on my first post was bad but I must admit reading what others said to BS that were in their own FOG turned me off this site. There are people on here when they post a comment I completely ignore as it just constantly comes across as mean.

2 x 4s are good and all but when you are just weeks out you are not ready for them. We still need them but maybe with added padding so we pay attention and not shut it down.