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ItsNotFair (original poster member #70213) posted at 7:09 AM on Monday, July 8th, 2019
My husband dozed off around 8 pm this evening..must be nice. I’m awake trying hard to distract myself with anything so I can fall asleep, but still can’t manage to get rid of the aching pain in my chest and the tears that always come around this time of night. I am so sad, but also feeling a little like F THIS. You (WS) SUCK. Your former AP SUCKS. And I don’t know why I’m wasting all this time and energy over shitty ass people who SUCK. My feelings have been all over the place for awhile, but sadly I feel part of me staying is because I’m a stay at home mom with three kids- two who aren’t even in school yet- and I have no desire to be on welfare or just constantly broke and never seeing my kids because my husband decided to act like a POS. Sometimes I just want to say F it and worry entirely about myself and my kids. Why am I pushing myself so hard here when I’m not the one who cheated?!? He wants to go to an outdoor concert type thing next weekend, which pre affair would have been great, but now I have no desire to do that with him. So I don’t think I will! Truly I’m embarrassed to be out with him and it gives me extreme anxiety, so I don’t know why I need to put myself through that. And I don’t give a shit if it makes him feel bad. I can’t decide if I’m more angry with myself for marrying a man with such low self esteem that he would cheat on me to feel better about himself temporarily OR that him and his druggie whore have caused me this much pain that I now have to work through. Either way, I picked him, so my f*cking bad.
BW (me): 27 WH: 29
Married 9 years, together 11
3 kids
On and off EA/PA 5/18-9/18
DDay: 2/19
pearlamici ( member #67631) posted at 7:20 AM on Monday, July 8th, 2019
Hi Its 
I haven't read all your posts but don't be angry with yourself - and don't do anything you don't feel like doing. Make plans for yourself or you and your kids next weekend and let him cater (or not) to your feelings. Going to read your back story now. (obviously I don't sleep that great either.)
~Bad marriages don’t cause affairs. Affairs cause bad marriages.~
destroyed1 ( member #56901) posted at 11:13 AM on Monday, July 8th, 2019
Melatonin helps .... some.
Your dr might be able to give you something to help you sleep.
but still can’t manage to get rid of the aching pain in my chest
That is possibly anxiety building up. You want to go to the dr before that becomes a bigger problem.
Me - BH 51, 2 kids, married 30 yrs
The things that you want in life are impossible to achieve if your energy is flowing in the opposite direction.
ibonnie ( member #62673) posted at 12:27 PM on Monday, July 8th, 2019
My husband dozed off around 8 pm this evening..must be nice.
Isn't that the worst? How they can sleep so peacefully, with no problems, meanwhile we toss and turn and just... can't.
"I will survive, hey, hey!"
ibonnie ( member #62673) posted at 12:28 PM on Monday, July 8th, 2019
My husband dozed off around 8 pm this evening..must be nice.
Isn't that the worst? How they can sleep so peacefully, with no problems, meanwhile we toss and turn and just... can't.
"I will survive, hey, hey!"
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