brokensavage,
Your posts are heart-breaking to me. You are letting yourself be abused, and you keep telling us you deserve to be abused.
You don't. You are loving, lovable, and capable. You're as good as everybody else. You deserve to be treated with love and respect by your 'fiance.'
You deserve to treat yourself a whole lot better than you're treating yourself now.
*****
Gently, you came here to vent, but your vent raised a lot of red flags about you, and people here care about you.
I've had 4 therapists so far and I can't say they were particularly helpful to my fiance.
No, they wouldn't be. Their duty is to help you, not your 'fiance.'
To R, you have to heal you. No one else can do that work.
To R, your 'fiance' has to heal himself. No one can do that work for him.
To R, you have to work together to define the relationship you want.
It sounds like you were raped. You put yourself on a slippery slope; you're responsible for that. That doesn't justify the rape. You are not responsible for being raped.
You can heal. You deserve to heal. I urge you to find a good IC with a goal of learning to love yourself.
(((brokensavage))) - a hug, if you'll take one from someone ho sees you so differently from the way you see yourself
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
