Long time lurker do you know the drill... it’s just so hard to see straight bc you’re in the fishbowl.
You did the right thing coming forth with that memory and honestly, the fact that you willingly told her and if it’s been hidden for all these years she may have never known. I think you did the most selfless, hard, courageous, genuine, loving thing for her by doing that. I really do.
Selfless because affairs are so selfish and you coukd have continued to carry the lie but you know that your BS deserves truth so you put her needs above your own and risked losing your M. You know that for it to be the healthiest marriage, it has to be about her choice to stay, knowing the truth. Her needs were rightfully so put above your own.
Hard bc 1,000 reasons but like double hard bc you knew you were bringing her ANOTHER d-day.
Courageous because once you go through this once and in your reconciliation case have a memory of decades before and you don’t run like a coward and hide or fall back in old wayward ways. No, not you. Not in this new marriage... you’re facing it head in with loyalty in your heart, and courage in your action.
Genuine because you’re doing this for Your spouse and her healing and growth and future BUT also yours bc to live a healthy life, you must be honest.
Loving because you’re doing the right thing even though you know it will bring anguish. You’re smart to realize though how much more love your marriage can feel as you continue to recover. Remember, 18 years ago was the old marriage... the old wayward partner kept that secret all those years. This new ‘eagle’ is not wayward and loves his spouse so much that he recognizes the value in honesty within commitment. You’re working so Hard to become safe again.
All these things reaffirm you’re right to come forward with the infidelity you’ve recovered through IC... keep doing the work. Sending all the good vibes.