Any comments, feedback, advice, kind words, really anything the community here can provide would be greatly appreciated. I lost tons of sleep and almost 20 pounds over this. I have frequent panic attacks and find myself crying at home and in public. I try to keep busy, try new things, new hobbies and meet new people. I have been making better food choices and go to the gym often. I just figured I could post here for some support. Thank you in advance.
(((Mynamedontfi)))
I'm so sorry for what your gf did to you, the disrespect and the discarding of your seven-relationship. She DID cheat, but may never admit to that because what would that say about her character if she did? How could she live with herself?
My 26-year-old niece just ended an eight-year relationship in much the same way that your gf did. I am so disappointed in her, and she did break her bf's heart. They had their issues, and she wanted to get married but felt that he was dragging his feet. She ended up going on dating websites, before officially ending things with him. And in their final 'blowout' argument, they both pushed and shoved each other - and she now uses that as ammo against him, as justification for her betrayals.
Now, as to my relationship. I met a man in 1990, when I was a little younger than you. I fell in love and was in a long-distance relationship with him for two years until one day he asked me to meet him at a lake, to spend time on his buddy's boat. He left me that day. He made vague comments about hating the (temporary) long distance between us, and then he got in his buddy's car and drove away, not even looking back. In retrospect, I think he very well could have been cheating. I didn't hear from him again for nearly 20 years.
I was devastated after that break-up and jumped into a rebound relationship almost immediately. I married the man and was with him for 19 years, and then found out HE was cheating on me. My marriage ended in divorce.
One September day after my divorce was finally over and done with - my phone rang and it was the man who'd left me decades earlier. He said he'd been divorced for a few months, from a woman he married very soon after he left me back in the day. Interesting timing. But still, all the old feelings came back and we ended up in a whirlwind. We got married.
Immediately there were red flags. His temper, that he would blame me for. His addiction to porn. His criticism of my appearance, of a 20-pound weight gain due to my being prescribed prednisone to combat a lung disease. His lack of concern over my illness, his IRRITATION at me whenever I was in pain from my illness. His disappearing for two months in 2015, when I later found him to be pursuing another woman, who ended up not being interested.
Our final end finally came in April 2018, over the phone, when I was busting my ass working out of town to earn money for US, when he told me he'd just "hit a wall" and wanted out of our marriage. I knew there was someone else and of course he denied it. Claimed he'd never cheated on me or on anyone else. Turned out to be a lie. He cheated on his first wife with prostitutes, he tried to physically cheat on me in 2015, and when he finally ended our marriage it was to pursue another woman who dumped him after three months. Days after she left him, months before our divorce was even final, he was dating the woman he's still with now.
I was with someone who had never NOT been in a relationship, who cannot get by without the security blanket of a female by his side. If he's not necessarily attracted to you, or doesn't love you, he will still hang on to you until someone he perceives as "better" comes along.
I'm telling you this long sob story because I don't want you to waste YOUR life idealizing and missing a person who is not worthy. My first husband mistreated me emotionally and physically. Every single time it happened, I would tell myself that my long lost love would never have hurt me that way. I was wrong. I had him on a pedestal, and when he finally came back to me, I found out the hard way how little he had ever really loved me.
As of today, he has had me blocked on social media for more than a year. He abandoned me for a second time without looking back. He has friends and cohorts (including his 'buddy' from the day at the lake decades ago) who aid and abet him and tell him he was right to dump me - based, of course, on whatever he's told them. He is livid that I exposed his betrayals to a lot of people, and that is part of the reason why he blocked me. I probably will never hear from him again. All of my belongings are still at the home we shared - where I've been told his second AP now lives with him and her little girl.
You are still young and (presumably) healthy. You have a good career and a stable life. Stay NC with your ex and after some healing, you will easily find another woman - one who will respect you and love you properly.
Don't waste your whole life the way I did, loving a farce of a person, only to find yourself alone at 52.
Hugs.
[This message edited by NorCalLost at 2:43 PM, October 20th (Sunday)]
