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ChanceAtLife35 (original poster member #69527) posted at 6:02 PM on Wednesday, October 30th, 2019
Today is my DD's birthday. I couldn't wait to wake up and shower her with birthday love and positive vibes. I have been joking with her all week that she is turning 9 again, but she came back with a confident "No way, I'm turning 10!!." She is the sweetest kid with an infectious personality. I am truly grateful she is in my life and it's amazing watching her grow and learn so many new things. I did have moments when the last 2 birthday's, I was in the middle of my last PA/post dday. I was not present, lashing out at her, ignoring her, even when she would get after me about always being on my phone. I was too busy talking to AP, making it about me. Neglecting not only her, my DS, and BW. It makes me sad because i was a selfish and cruel person knowing my family needed me and were happy to share birthday's and special occasions with me especially as a family.
I made her bagels with cream cheese, her breakfast of choice and said happy birthday a 100 times. I felt present with her and made sure she got the attention that she needed. I want to remember this birthday and each one after with her and not ever go back to the mentality and person that i was. Moments like this allow me to have self introspection of just how much of denial i was in of who i was to my BW and kids. To say i did care and was there is ridiculous to say. I see why my BW would get so upset with me when i said those things. If i did love and care and was there, i would have never cheated on top of all the other cruel things i did that hurt them so much.
Recovery still in progress..
Happy Birthday my precious little one...
Me: WW (multiple EA’s PA’s)
Her: BW
DDay: 6/9/18
IHS - Divorcing
In IC, 12 Steps program, currently reading "Boundaries in Marriage"
SelfishCheater ( member #61847) posted at 6:20 PM on Wednesday, October 30th, 2019
Beautiful post that is filled with genuineness and presence.
Happy birthday little kiddo!
Lostgirl410 ( member #71112) posted at 6:24 PM on Wednesday, October 30th, 2019
Happy birthday to your little one!
There are so many things we miss when we're lying to ourselves. It's such a bittersweet epiphany when those bells start to ring in our heads.
That lost time can never be recovered, but we can continue to do better, and to cherish every moment with a new sense of gratitude. In those moments, I always find myself in awe of my husband. It's a reminder of both the pain he has forgiven, and the strength he possesses. It's proof that our choices are never without consequence, and it manifests as a solid drive to never be that selfish again.
It sounds like you've given her a wonderful day to remember. Keep it up.
HeartBreaker11 ( member #69904) posted at 6:39 PM on Wednesday, October 30th, 2019
Happy birthday to your DD!
And congratulations on the progress you are making! :)
WalkinOnEggshelz ( member #29447) posted at 12:47 AM on Thursday, October 31st, 2019
Happy Birthday to your sweet DD! 10 is a big deal!
Birthdays are a great way to reflect and grow. I’m so glad that you were able to show her how much you love her and make her feel special. Enjoy that feeling of being present. Making birthdays extra special is a great way to start new traditions and memories. 
If you keep asking people to give you the benefit of the doubt, they will eventually start to doubt your benefit.
ChanceAtLife35 (original poster member #69527) posted at 2:41 PM on Thursday, October 31st, 2019
Thank you for your birthday wishes and heartfelt words! She had an amazing birthday and I will let her know what you said. A great day to you all
Me: WW (multiple EA’s PA’s)
Her: BW
DDay: 6/9/18
IHS - Divorcing
In IC, 12 Steps program, currently reading "Boundaries in Marriage"
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