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You have done so well to get through Christmas and your anniversary. The first 4 months are the worst and I’ve never felt pain like it. I’m 8 months on from DD and I can honestly say it does get easier. No contact is your friend and keep concentrating on yourself and your children and focus on what makes the days better for you and them. Hope you got through today and stay positive as the new decade approaches . Sending support and hugs xx

[This message edited by Bookgirl at 6:56 PM, December 29th (Sunday)]

Thanks Bookgirl, it does feel better- not amazing, but improving!

Chamomiletea- I did treat myself to a gift. I've wanted a lightweight, down sleeping bag for wild camping for years BUT they are not cheap. So my gift to me was a 3 season, ethically made, responsibly sourced, superlight bag for my not yet planned but upcoming trips to the mountains! Way cheaper than the Maldives, which is not being funded by shared assets, so no worries about that either.

He did email me on the day, a kind email, full of apology and regret for the way he behaved. The sentiment was good, but he still did do those things and I will never be the same because of it. I may end up better, wiser and stronger but that will be up to me. It is also my plan, along with happy, content and fulfilled!

If we can divorce and financially separate fairly and cause as little pain as possible from now on, that will have to do. My decree nisi date is set, that did make me wobble today, briefly.

I am off to google wild camping locations and make plans. X

Look at you! You are doing just brilliantly.

Ok - so he sent you an email on the 25th Anniversary day - while he was with her in the Maldives was it? Ho, hum. Sounds like you were quickly able to shift back to those amazing steps forward you are taking!

You know, some of my favorite posts I made here on SI during early days were ones that sounded like the line of your last post. I'd say: "Assclown did blah blah or I'm tired of waiting for the legal battle to be done" or whatever the latest craziness was...

Then I would sort of breezily move on with: "I'm off to buy supplies for the puppy's arrival or heading off to cook for friends coming in town." Isn't it kind of a great confirmation that you really are moving out of this crap to say:

I am off to google wild camping locations and make plans

Ah. Making plans. With a new sleeping woobie in on top of it. Just. Brilliant.

hi heisasadcliche - I just came across your post and wanted to send big hugs from someone who has been in very similar shoes to you and is a few years out. My exH and the OW married this month, had a baby last year, etc (the cliche continues). Just to share with you some perspective, that it really does get better. The pain feels so immense, endless, the sorrow so heavy to bear especially if you've been with him for most of your adult life. I will say this - it was critical to my own self worth that I let go of the man who no longer wanted to be with me (and hid/lied/gaslighted me for years before the D) and chose someone else. Now, my sense is (taken from another SI'er "Not my circus not my monkeys." He was no longer the man I married, and realizing this painful truth was helpful in starting to let him go.

It looks like you've got some wonderful support here. I just wanted to give you a big congrats for getting through the holidays and encourage you to keep your passion for camping and other things you love alive. Doing this is golden and will help you so much in your healing.

Braveyogi I say that LOADS!!!!!!! It is true, it is not our stuff to deal with any more. Thanks for the support and encouragement.

Also Chili, thanks. X Plans are my future, it felt for a while like every thing was finished. Now I am starting to get a sense of a future, it is still not all sorted but I have hope. Not false hope, but a feeling that it will work out well in the end, because I am responsible for me and my happiness now and I intend to do a good job for myself. One day at a time. X

That's right - you are your own best caretaker. You are the decider for what is right for you. You can trust yourself with your own well being. Good stuff right there.

And I'm just sayin' as a shameless plug...

If it feels right - there's some great folks over in the Divorce/Separation forum who have been or are going through similar types of journeys as yours. All sorts of great support around here no matter where you are in navigating the process!