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Polygraphs

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 Impacted (original poster member #57532) posted at 1:09 AM on Tuesday, November 5th, 2019

It has been a very long time since I have posted here.

Lurked on and off........but find sometime things here set me off.

Unfortunately I can’t say all is well in my world.

I am tired of my gut saying something still has not been

disclosed. So after a couple years I need to do only thing left and that is get him to take polygraph. I am in Canada.

How do we know who we should use? How long are they?

Do you think worth it? Thanks.

posts: 150   ·   registered: Feb. 20th, 2017
id 8462779
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Hallmack ( member #71114) posted at 1:25 AM on Tuesday, November 5th, 2019

Do it. They will lie until they can’t anymore.

posts: 248   ·   registered: Jul. 27th, 2019
id 8462786
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Marie2792 ( member #44958) posted at 3:30 AM on Tuesday, November 5th, 2019

There is a registry here in the states that lists examiners by region. I selected a few from that list and emailed them some questions. I went with the one I felt answered me appropriately. He came to my home and it took about 90 minutes. The cost was around $490 and it was worth it to me. Our MC advised against it but it’s my marriage and I decide what happens in it. Gave me peace of mind and I’d do it again if I had to do it over.

Me: BS,48 (41 at dday)Him: WS, 56 (49 at dday)Married 27 years, together 30 Dday : 9/9/14 3 week PA

posts: 4857   ·   registered: Sep. 22nd, 2014   ·   location: NYC
id 8462819
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 Impacted (original poster member #57532) posted at 3:19 PM on Tuesday, November 5th, 2019

Thanks Marie and Hallmark. Marie2792 did you learn anything from it? Did you believe what it said?

posts: 150   ·   registered: Feb. 20th, 2017
id 8463026
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Mr. Kite ( member #28840) posted at 5:25 PM on Tuesday, November 5th, 2019

I'm going through the process of setting up a polygraph for WW. Do a Google search and find out everything you can about the process. Read articles, watch videos, etc. Find examiners in your area. Read reviews about them. Then for the final step, interview them.

You will find that some believe a polygraph will help you find out the truth, while others claim they are too flawed. Go with your gut. Hope you find out what you need to know.

I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you what not to do.

posts: 1173   ·   registered: Jun. 18th, 2010   ·   location: Mid-Atlantic
id 8463129
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TX1995 ( member #58175) posted at 5:32 PM on Tuesday, November 5th, 2019

We got the name of the polygrapher from our MC. It took a couple of hours. He talked to me, talked to WH, did the test, then came and talked to me again. I felt like it was helpful to my peace of mind.

If you have a MC or IC, I'd start there. If not, I actually just listened to a podcast on polygraphs. The polygrapher solely concentrates on sex addicts. He's actually in Canada. (Not that I know where you are.) I don't think I can share specific links, but it was an APSATS podcast (which I can't stand usually bc the sound is terrible) and you might be able to find info online.

I'm sorry you are having a difficult time right now. I hope you can find a little peace.

I'm the BS. WH had an EA/PA with a cOW. DDay was 4/17. Working on R. Married 15 years and together 20 at DDay.
DDay #2 and #3 6/19. Grew a conscience and admitted a full blown physical affair.
Current and forever status is reconciling. I don't

posts: 1026   ·   registered: Apr. 6th, 2017   ·   location: Texas
id 8463135
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steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 6:55 PM on Tuesday, November 5th, 2019

Impacted, I had my WW do a polygraph. I believe they are a useful tool but definitely not the only one. I believe they can be useful to gather information with which to use in making decisions along with other info.

I live a couple of hours north of Edmonton. I found out about this polygraph examiner through a referral from a lady that I attended a BAN (Beyond Affairs Network) group with. I looked him up on the internet and did a little investigation.

I was able to ask 3 or 4 questions. I took 10 or 12 questions in with me which we boiled down to 4 through discussions with him. My WW was in the meeting room all the time. It's very important for the WS to understand all of the definitions. Things like a blowjob is physical adultery as is a kiss.

The examiner would leave the meeting room to re write the questions and come back and discuss them again. His assistant stayed in the room with us. She would lead a discussion and said some things that irritated my WW. I think that was her intention. There was a large mirror in the end wall to the left of my WW and I. I think the examiner could have been watching reactions through a two way mirror. I didn't think of that until much later.

After the questions were finalized I was asked to leave the building entirely, not just the office, for an hour and a half. My WW was lead to the examination room which was devoid of sound or visual stimulus. The electrodes (or whatever they are) were hooked up to her to record the reactions.

The questions were asked in a very low key, slow monotone by the examiner. Everything was done for the environment to be stimulus free. I know there are some (above, for one) where the examiner came to the house. I'm not sure that environment would be conducive to the examination based on my experience.

I came back to the office at the appointed time and had to wait a while for my WW to come out into the waiting room. I got a verbal report a day later and a written hardcopy report in the mail later.

I believe it was very worth it. My cost was $575 plus GST. I think the total time was probably close to 2 1/2 hours at the office. I found the examiner I used by referral. He had a lot of experience and his website showed the kinds of examinations he had done and for how long. There was a BBB, too.

Good luck and I'm sorry things aren't going well for you.

BH(me)72(now); XWW 64; M 42 yrsDDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW 4 years; "dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, liesSeparated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020

posts: 4720   ·   registered: Feb. 27th, 2014   ·   location: Canada
id 8463191
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 3:16 AM on Wednesday, November 6th, 2019

I just googled polygraphers in my area. I got a full confession the night before after 6 months of absolute denials. He passed the poly.

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6900   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8463561
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