Whatahell have no idea if your H is an SA or not but doesn't matter if you can find a good SANON group within traveling distance you might find such a support group to be of enormous help--both in terms of regaining peace of mind and in deciding for the future.
SANON is for relatives and friends who have been hurt by the sexual behaviors of a relative, friend, whomever. There is no need to prove anything about that person. Some groups are better than others but a good one can be a life savor.
I've been attending a group for over four years now and am continuously grateful for its existence; it's actually much like SI in some ways. It's a place to share, speak, find advice, information, support . . .even humor. It uses a 12-step program but a good group does not impose any requirements and even though I haven't applied myself rigorously to the 12-step regimen I have found the group to be an amazing source of strength and wisdom and calm.
SANON is an international organization and there are groups in England. "CSAT" refers to a counselor who has received a certificate of training from a particular institute here in the states. Don't think there is any such certificate program in the UK but there are therapists who have experience with and are knowledgeable about compulsive sexual behavior such as your H's and finding such a person would be very helpful. Some of those therapists also conduct group sessions where you can meet people who are dealing with situations like your own and with whom you can feel free to share.
So common a feeling, despite all the differences in detail, is our feeling so alone. So of course it's very helpful to have a good therapist with whom we can speak openly and honestly but in addition, it's very therapeutic to have a group of people actually dealing with the same things we are.
The larger our support team the better-so, a good IC who is experienced dealing with issues such as yours (and mine), a good support group, and SI.
There are also 12 step programs for men who want to stop their habit; who want to change into decent, honest people of integrity. Some men join such a program because their partners have such attendance as a boundary for their willingness to consider staying in the relationship. I heard such men speak about how grateful they are for having doing it notwithstanding how dead set against it they were in the beginning; some have been going for 10 or 15 years and will continue for the rest of their lives. They are no longer acting out sexually but they are still dealing with other behaviors--anger, selfishness, empathy deficit.
But that's about him. Unless you think that your H's participation in such a group would make you feel safer, better, then no need to give any thought to that-that's his business-and such a program doesn't work for everyone--but main thing is, as so many here have already told you, is that you do all that's possible to help yourself-discovery is traumatizing and each of us must do all we can to regain our strength, our power, our joy in life again. Do all we can do to process the trauma and get on with life.
You seem like a strong and smart person-with a kind of funny SI moniker-one that I guess many of us could have taken-so sorry that you had to find us but good that you're doing all the you're doing that's good for yourself.
