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wantstorepair (original poster member #32598) posted at 12:36 AM on Wednesday, January 22nd, 2020
DaddyDom thank you for your help and encouragement.
wantstorepair (original poster member #32598) posted at 12:24 PM on Thursday, January 30th, 2020
In IC yesterday I had frank dissuasions about me being evaluated for NPD, ADHD, and we discussed the notion of arrested development. I showed him everything written here in this thread and all of the insights all of you have given to me, and we are coming up with a plan for the way forward to really address my many issues. I have a shitty personality and character and am a real asshole reinforced over a very long time and really do want to make whatever changes can be made to live a better life and give better to my BW and kids.
MrCleanSlate ( member #71893) posted at 2:35 PM on Thursday, January 30th, 2020
Sometimes the hardest thing is recognizing our own faults and really coming to terms with them.
Good to see you are starting to work through things with IC.
WH 53,my BW is 52. 1 year PA, D-Day Oct 2015. Admitted all, but there is no 'clean slate'. In R and working it everyday"
To build may have to be the slow and laborious task of years. To destroy can be the thoughtless act of a single day
Thissucks5678 ( member #54019) posted at 2:41 PM on Thursday, January 30th, 2020
I haven’t read the whole thread - but my WH used to be defensive, he felt everything was an attack. He was like that his whole life. After dday, we had awful fights because I couldn’t handle that. Our marriage counselor somehow got it into his head that he had to feel empathy for me and what I was going through. All of this was his fault. There was no defense. Nothing he could say would fix it - nothing he could say was appropriate besides he was sorry. He was the one who had brought this all on and by being defensive he was only furthering my trauma and slowing the healing process and making things worse. I don’t know if that will help you or not, but just know your BW is traumatized by your actions and when you get angry and fight back you are just making things worse. It doesn’t help.
Good luck, I hope you get a diagnosis.
DDay: 6/2016
“Every test in our life makes us Bitter or Better. Every problem comes to Break Us or Make Us. The choice is ours whether to be Victim or Victor.” - unknown
3greatkids ( member #69847) posted at 3:24 PM on Sunday, February 2nd, 2020
Perhaps after ten years in therapy it’s time to stop lying and actually bring up sex since you’ve been a serial cheater for 26 years? And it’s certainly time you check your ego and stop insisting I have to be nicer to you and use “I feel” statements before you will give up being a defensive minimizing justifying jerk.
And since you’re always looking for what to do, here’s a hint, if I ask you to drop off the tax documents, do it. Don’t message me a laundry list of what’s more important that you want to do first.
This isn’t an ADHD problem. This is a raging entitled lying jerk problem.
You can’t get blood from a turnip...or remorse from a narcissist.
A lifetime of betrayals, not “just” 5.
I know my worth.
wantstorepair (original poster member #32598) posted at 4:47 PM on Sunday, February 2nd, 2020
3greatkids you are right and my actions are awful. This isn't about me, it's about you and what you need, and you aren't getting it, which is not your fault.
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