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Anotheron3 (original poster member #72565) posted at 4:08 PM on Wednesday, March 25th, 2020
Your (state), is no fault and community property. Not too bad if you both are relatively equal wage earners. However, if she is living with the affair guy, that might be considered her being supported by him by your (state)'s divorce laws. Sadly adultery doesn't really impact the process in your (state), but if she spent a lot of money on her side piece, that might be something you could cite.
It doesn't appear so, she's having a hard enough time paying for her own apartment and other misc. expenses. Things I used to do before she started her work. Luckily in our short marriage, we didn't acquire anything large during the marriage, so it's pretty cut and dry.
beenthereinco ( member #56409) posted at 4:11 PM on Wednesday, March 25th, 2020
She had asked me the other night if I'd take her back if she chose to work on the marriage.
Your response to this was perfect. If she really wanted to "work on the marriage" she'd drop the OM without any promise from you and try to win you back. Asking you this is insulting.
Besides she needs to work on herself. The marriage didn't cheat. She did.
Tigersrule77 ( member #47339) posted at 5:22 PM on Wednesday, March 25th, 2020
Your WW is showing you that you are DEFINITELY making the right decision.
I really can't imagine the gall of someone asking if YOU would be willing to work on the M, while in the midst of the A. More evidence that WS = a special kind of crazy.
Marz ( member #60895) posted at 6:04 PM on Wednesday, March 25th, 2020
She had asked me the other night if I'd take her back if she chose to work on the marriage. I said no as she has shown no signs of wanting to work on the marriage. I asked her if the affair was still going on. She admitted that it was.
This was a classic breadcrumb. Nothing more.
Stinger ( member #74090) posted at 10:55 PM on Wednesday, March 25th, 2020
In addition to losing respect for your wife due to the affair, I would really question her intelligence asking such a question. The idiotic behavior would and sheer stupidity would make it embarrassing to be connected to such a person.
Serious question: Is she just not terribly bright?
Anotheron3 (original poster member #72565) posted at 11:04 PM on Wednesday, March 25th, 2020
In addition to losing respect for your wife due to the affair, I would really question her intelligence asking such a question. The idiotic behavior would and sheer stupidity would make it embarrassing to be connected to such a person.
Serious question: Is she just not terribly bright?
She's actually very smart. Which is why everyone is so dumbfounded as to why she's doing this. I'd even say she's smarter than me...just not regarding marriage.
She's a medical professional.
Marz ( member #60895) posted at 12:10 AM on Thursday, March 26th, 2020
Intelligence doesn’t equal common sense.
RubixCubed ( member #51615) posted at 12:25 AM on Thursday, March 26th, 2020
"But I'm trying, Ringo. I'm trying real hard to be the shepherd."
Stinger ( member #74090) posted at 1:19 AM on Thursday, March 26th, 2020
Just amazing. What nerve.
MickeyBill2016 ( member #56459) posted at 2:06 AM on Thursday, March 26th, 2020
She had asked me the other night if I'd take her back if she chose to work on the marriage. I said no as she has shown no signs of wanting to work on the marriage. I asked her if the affair was still going on. She admitted that it was.
Is she prideful? Does she always think she is the smartest person in the room? My XWW was like that, and in a room full of 10th graders she was. Outside of school she has a shocking lack of common sense.
This sounds like some ham handed attempt for her to save face and shift the blame to you...she can tell her friends that you still said no when she offered to "work on the marriage".
You could call her bluff and say you thought about it and you will "try" and suggest you both make a list of 5 things that will help the marriage, and you will talk about it together in 15 minutes.
Her list be all the sh!t she thinks you do and your list will be "stop your affair" 5 times.
She thinks she is out smarting you with that stupid offer.
Keep on the path you are on, stay strong. I think she is seeing what the future might be.
9 years married.
13 years divorced.
Anotheron3 (original poster member #72565) posted at 8:11 AM on Thursday, March 26th, 2020
This sounds like some ham handed attempt for her to save face and shift the blame to you...she can tell her friends that you still said no when she offered to "work on the marriage".
Don’t worry all of her friends know the truth. Nobody but the OM has her back.
redwing6 ( member #72593) posted at 12:51 PM on Thursday, March 26th, 2020
Make sure you've told ALL of her family and all of your mutual friends WHY the marriage is ending. The cold clear light of day usually ends relationships with AP's...that and a hard dose of reality. Most AP's want nothing more than a side piece and when it can become full time relationship, they usually pump & dump...so, tell EVERYONE why you're leaving the marriage.
BH 62, WW #2 D'd after 6month EA who scammed her out of our life savings WW #1 56F since remairred twice continues to cheat even today WW #2 Refuses to admit she wrecked our marriage DD adult 33 DSD adult 34 DSS adult 31
redwing6 ( member #72593) posted at 12:51 PM on Thursday, March 26th, 2020
double post.
[This message edited by redwing6 at 12:16 PM, March 29th (Sunday)]
BH 62, WW #2 D'd after 6month EA who scammed her out of our life savings WW #1 56F since remairred twice continues to cheat even today WW #2 Refuses to admit she wrecked our marriage DD adult 33 DSD adult 34 DSS adult 31
Ichthus ( member #52779) posted at 2:11 PM on Thursday, March 26th, 2020
She had asked me the other night if I'd take her back if she chose to work on the marriage. I said no as she has shown no signs of wanting to work on the marriage. I asked her if the affair was still going on. She admitted that it was.
If you can get in touch with the OM, you could totally screw with their relationship if you wanted some revenge. Just tell him that she came back to you wanting to try and make the marriage work. That will blow up his fantasy land. 
Me: Divorced, moved on, and happy
Anotheron3 (original poster member #72565) posted at 3:15 PM on Thursday, March 26th, 2020
If you can get in touch with the OM, you could totally screw with their relationship if you wanted some revenge. Just tell him that she came back to you wanting to try and make the marriage work. That will blow up his fantasy land.
I did that night. I told him that I knew what was going on, that I hope he didn’t give me anything, and that he can have her.
I don't think it did much, she went straight to him after our conversation and he took her out.
[This message edited by Anotheron3 at 10:06 AM, March 26th (Thursday)]
Newlifeisgreat ( member #71308) posted at 4:45 PM on Thursday, March 26th, 2020
You missed Itchthus’ point.
Tell him that she has begged you to take her back and she will do anything for you to do it, AND that the OM meant nothing and continues to mean nothing to her. Tell him that she is only keeping contact with him as an insurance policy if you dump her!
Tell him that you are dumping her and she is all his.
Betrayed Spouse. She cheated and I filed immediately upon discovering. She never even suspected that I knew until the moment she was served with reason being Adultery. Divorced: Sept, 2018. VERY happy with new life, 0 regrets
beenthereinco ( member #56409) posted at 5:17 PM on Thursday, March 26th, 2020
I don't know about this advice. If you want to divorce you are better off with her happy and content with the POSOM. She will want to get free as fast as you do so she can be with her tue love. 
If you have any text messages or voice mails where she says this then I'd send them after the divorce. Let him see what prize he just won.
KingofNothing ( member #71775) posted at 6:19 PM on Thursday, March 26th, 2020
I did that night. I told him that I knew what was going on, that I hope he didn’t give me anything, and that he can have her.
Okay, so... Now he knows-- you want him to know what you know. you want him to know that you want him to know. Did he respond to you in any meaningful way, or did he bluster, or apologize? Surely one of the things he knows is his new girlfriend is married to someone else, at least legally, for now. That makes him.. a certain something distasteful. No response from him?
I don't think it did much, she went straight to him after our conversation and he took her out.
I could have predicted that. Keep in mind that in HIS mind he owes you nothing. He took what was offered, he has no obligations or vows to you. That was your wife. I don't think you matter to him much. Though it might be nice to send them both the bill for STI/STD testing. Just to fuck with them.
As a crowning point, now that you are working on the divorce papers, be sure to name him as a correspondent and have her served at work. During her shift.
[This message edited by KingofNothing at 12:32 PM, March 26th (Thursday)]
Rex Nihilo, the King of Nothing
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“If you’re going through hell, keep going. Just please stop screaming, it’s not good for morale.”
— Winston Churchill
BS 3 DDays/Attempted R, it failed. In a better place
Bigger ( Attaché #8354) posted at 6:29 PM on Thursday, March 26th, 2020
Anotheron3
If both you and your WW are committed to divorce, then do everything you can to facilitate that process in as fair a way for you as possible.
People don’t “win” in divorce. It doesn’t matter if she goes to OM or if her friends know the truth or if they accept her actions or whatever. There really isn’t any way you can get revenge on her and getting her back because the OM dumped her would be a shallow victory.
If you want to reconcile do it for the right reasons. If you want to divorce do so for the right reasons. I wouldn’t bother with child-like revenge plots because they have no long-term benefit for you.
"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus
Anotheron3 (original poster member #72565) posted at 7:46 PM on Thursday, March 26th, 2020
I could have predicted that. Keep in mind that in HIS mind he owes you nothing. He took what was offered, he has no obligations or vows to you. That was your wife. I don't think you matter to him much. Though it might be nice to send them both the bill for STI/STD testing. Just to fuck with them.
Already on it. I still have her FSA card so she's funding it.
People don’t “win” in divorce. It doesn’t matter if she goes to OM or if her friends know the truth or if they accept her actions or whatever. There really isn’t any way you can get revenge on her and getting her back because the OM dumped her would be a shallow victory.
If you want to reconcile do it for the right reasons. If you want to divorce do so for the right reasons. I wouldn’t bother with child-like revenge plots because they have no long-term benefit for you.
Bigger, you are true to form with your username. I am trying to be bigger than this, and for the most part I have been. My thoughts I portray on this board have been me "letting loose" and have much remained thoughts. A lot of my "revenge" fantasies will remain that...a fantasy. Because I know what you say is true.
[This message edited by Anotheron3 at 1:46 PM, March 26th (Thursday)]
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