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Advice and support please

DottyPotty posted 10/24/2020 14:04 PM


Foolishly, posted on here in June / July and was hoping for reconciliation. Not happening. WH admitted to it being just 2 occasions. Everyone told me thatís the usual line as one time is unbelievable. I can confirm you were all correct. Iíve found more evidence and WH has admitted to a 17 month affair which started 3 months before we got married.

Needless to say Iím done. He wouldíve continued to lie but could not dispute the evidence I had so was forced into a confession.

Iím broken. Iíve spent 13 years of my life with this man and I feel like Iíve not known him at all. We Ďcelebratedí or first wedding anniversary this August. How is this happening.

Huge family and friend support thank goodness. He on the other hand has crept off (to OW I suspect) and not even admitted anything to his family.

He wants to just apply for a divorce online and get it sorted. But my family are telling me to seek legal advice. What are you thoughts from experience? This man has lied to me for over a year so naturally I donít think I can trust him and need to protect myself.


Dotty x

BearlyBreathing posted 10/24/2020 14:36 PM

Hi DP, and sorry you are here, but glad you are seeking a path forward for yourself. You were NOT foolishó. You trusted your H, thatís what us honest spouses do. Itís not foolish, itís what we knew at the time. Now we know better.

Iím sorry that your WH was a run of the mill cheater following the same cheater playbook that most doó mine also lied about his LTA ó saying it was 4 months when it was 16 months.

Yes, legal advise. You need to make sure you get what is fair, and no less.
Heís obviously a liar, a cheater, and not your friend, not in any real sense. He will NOT be looking out for you. So you need to look out for you.

See a few lawyersó all the biggest sharks in town. Not because you want to be aggressive, but if you consult with them, then he cannot use them.

You need to be strategic and do everything to protect your future. Heís had a long term affair- he may have spent marital assets. This sucks, but future you will be grateful that you did.

I found it helpful to picture myself lacing up those bitch boots we recommend BS wear- made me feel strong when I felt weak. .

Itís good you have family to help- -let them. Get in IC if you can to help you piece this altogether and start healing.

Hang in there. Get what is yours. And donít let him take anything else from you.
And later, once the D is final and all financials are settled, tell his family. If he will be vindictive, donít tell them until you have all the legalities completed. But then, do not keep his secret. He chose to be man with no morals and they should know (once you are protected and all).

You are stronger than you believe.

DottyPotty posted 10/24/2020 14:57 PM

Thank you SO much barelybreathing. Canít tell you how much I needed to hear all of that.

I suggested he tell his mum which he has done. Needless to say she is distraught. He hasnít told anyone else that Iím aware of. It seems so unfair! Why canít he own up to his mistakes. Why do I have to be the bearer of such awful news and watch the shock on everyoneís faces! Itís painful enough.

Thanks for advice re: seeking legal help. Although itís more expensive than the application online I feel it is needed. He also gave me an STI. A lovely parting gift hey! Iím UK based. Is there any claim I can get for this? Thankfully it was a treatable STI with no long term physical damage, but lots mentally.

Adlham posted 10/24/2020 15:06 PM

I don't know about UK laws. We do have a lot of people here from the UK, though.

But on the legal front- 100% consult an attorney! Like Bearly said, it's not to screw him over but to 100% protect YOU. A lawyer would also be able to tell you if there's any legal recourse for the STI.

I'm sorry he turned out to be a giant douche.

99problems posted 10/24/2020 17:57 PM

Yes, seek the legal advice.
You will probably regret not doing it of you don't.
I am very, very happy I did.

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