SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hi

Foolishly, posted on here in June / July and was hoping for reconciliation. Not happening. WH admitted to it being just 2 occasions. Everyone told me that’s the usual line as one time is unbelievable. I can confirm you were all correct. I’ve found more evidence and WH has admitted to a 17 month affair which started 3 months before we got married.

Needless to say I’m done. He would’ve continued to lie but could not dispute the evidence I had so was forced into a confession.

I’m broken. I’ve spent 13 years of my life with this man and I feel like I’ve not known him at all. We ‘celebrated’ or first wedding anniversary this August. How is this happening.

Huge family and friend support thank goodness. He on the other hand has crept off (to OW I suspect) and not even admitted anything to his family.

He wants to just apply for a divorce online and get it sorted. But my family are telling me to seek legal advice. What are you thoughts from experience? This man has lied to me for over a year so naturally I don’t think I can trust him and need to protect myself.

TIA

Dotty x

Hi DP, and sorry you are here, but glad you are seeking a path forward for yourself. You were NOT foolish—. You trusted your H, that’s what us honest spouses do. It’s not foolish, it’s what we knew at the time. Now we know better.

I’m sorry that your WH was a run of the mill cheater following the same cheater playbook that most do— mine also lied about his LTA — saying it was 4 months when it was 16 months.

Yes, legal advise. You need to make sure you get what is fair, and no less.

He’s obviously a liar, a cheater, and not your friend, not in any real sense. He will NOT be looking out for you. So you need to look out for you.

See a few lawyers— all the biggest sharks in town. Not because you want to be aggressive, but if you consult with them, then he cannot use them.

You need to be strategic and do everything to protect your future. He’s had a long term affair- he may have spent marital assets. This sucks, but future you will be grateful that you did.

I found it helpful to picture myself lacing up those bitch boots we recommend BS wear- made me feel strong when I felt weak. .

It’s good you have family to help- -let them. Get in IC if you can to help you piece this altogether and start healing.

Hang in there. Get what is yours. And don’t let him take anything else from you.

And later, once the D is final and all financials are settled, tell his family. If he will be vindictive, don’t tell them until you have all the legalities completed. But then, do not keep his secret. He chose to be man with no morals and they should know (once you are protected and all).

You are stronger than you believe.

Thank you SO much barelybreathing. Can’t tell you how much I needed to hear all of that.

I suggested he tell his mum which he has done. Needless to say she is distraught. He hasn’t told anyone else that I’m aware of. It seems so unfair! Why can’t he own up to his mistakes. Why do I have to be the bearer of such awful news and watch the shock on everyone’s faces! It’s painful enough.

Thanks for advice re: seeking legal help. Although it’s more expensive than the application online I feel it is needed. He also gave me an STI. A lovely parting gift hey! I’m UK based. Is there any claim I can get for this? Thankfully it was a treatable STI with no long term physical damage, but lots mentally.

I don't know about UK laws. We do have a lot of people here from the UK, though.

But on the legal front- 100% consult an attorney! Like Bearly said, it's not to screw him over but to 100% protect YOU. A lawyer would also be able to tell you if there's any legal recourse for the STI.

I'm sorry he turned out to be a giant douche.

Yes, seek the legal advice.

You will probably regret not doing it of you don't.

I am very, very happy I did.