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Well, the subpoena hit the fan yesterday. STBXW called me complaining that "MY" lawyer had subpoenaed her workplace. Yeah, that's right, when you don't answer court action in a timely manner you get subpoenaed to do it.

After listening to her bring up every single argument she has had to me filing for divorce -- she won't be able to get a new car, I promised I wouldn't take her money (she makes way more than I do), why do I need the paper to show we aren't together, postpone the divorce until after the year, you shouldn't be talking to my parents (our children's grandparents, geez) -- I finally had enough, told her it is what it is, do whatever you want, I don't care, just deal with it, and hung up on her.

A second call a few hours later also ended with me hanging up on her after telling her the divorce was not being postponed, that she should get her GD financials filed, and THEN we would talk. NOT BEFORE. Bye Felicia!

Good for you for giving her a big reality check!!!!!

Audacity is right. She is continuing you to show you that SHE is the only one who matters in the M AND in the D.

Good for you in standing up for yourself. You are taking the right approach. You are protecting yourself. Her needs are no longer your responsibility. You are correct that she needs to deal with it. And you shouldn't lose any sleep over it.

Katman, don't take her calls dude!!!

Let that shit go to voicemail. If you have a need to respond, than do so, but her calls to complain about shit should go to voicemail where she gets no response.

Learn to not take her calls anymore. Even with kids, she can just send you an email or text. If she complains about shit in text or email, you just share that with the judge. Its a win win for you. Especially if you are passive. No live confrontation.

I want to reiterate that you absolutely need to go after all of the spousal and child support you can get your hands on. Its legal and you are entitled. IF you are passive and don't want to deal with that back and forth, that is what your attorney is there to do. Let him/her know your position, that you want the support, and that they are to go after it for you. Let them know that you don't like confrontation, so would prefer that they handle. They will take it on for you.

If this somehow does get back to mediation, you can request that you and the WW are in different rooms, that also alleviates your stress regarding in the room and confrontation with the WW. There are ways around your passiveness and still getting what you want. For your kids, get the support.

Oh, I'm SO over the passiveness. Hence the hang-ups. Time was that I was the "junior" partner in the marriage. Even though I'm the "older" partner (by 16 years).

We did what she wanted, went where she wanted, bought what she wanted, ate what she wanted, were friends with who she wanted, took vacations she wanted, etc. etc. etc. I got benefits, so I didn't mind.

I BEGAN to mind after the affairs began and then went unstoppable. One, two, three, four, five, six. THAT I KNEW about. Talk about feeling worthless, unlovable and emasculated.

No, this is going to go my way, all the way to the end. There's no incentive for me to backpedal or go limp, I need to protect myself, my future, and my kids.

She can threaten and bluster and posture and stamp her feet all she wants. I meant what I said, I'm Not The Guy She Married. No sir, this man has turned into chromium steel. I. DO. Not Bend.

Nice Katman. And the crazy thing is she'll probably be falling back in love with you now that you're standing up to her shit.

I am farther along in the process but wanted to share that I lived to regret every single thing I conceded to or gave the can't be ex soon enough cheating husband.

The best advice I initially did not understand is that the minute he lied to me and risked my life and sexual and emotional health and I found out, I needed to consider him a dangerous adversary. I did not heed that advice, had a heart 💜 and am paying for it now.

[This message edited by Shehawk at 10:45 PM, January 11th (Monday)]

And do consider going for the spousal support. You can always use it for something good. I will always regret not filing hard. We have a conscious and empathy. That is good but not always best in legal situations like this.

My advice in the rearview mirror:Go for everything you can including no contact and spousal support.

[This message edited by Shehawk at 9:02 AM, January 13th (Wednesday)]

Falling BACK in love with me?

She tried that one, about two years ago she begged to come back. I said a big NOPE! Fool me once, shame on you, fool me five more times, duh!!!!

What do you mean, before you shuffle off this planet?

You control yourself and your phone. She doesn’t unless you let her.

"What do you mean, before you shuffle off this planet?"

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I'm 66. Pretty much on the downward slope of life.

Wasn't alluding to self-harm, just nature.

You know, it is entitled a**hole females like your WW who are slowly but surely causing the court systems to gradually swing the yardarm back towards equanimity when it comes to husbands vs. wives in divorces.

Motion for trial has been requested! But, with the backlog in this state (think OJ and sunshine), likely a few months off yet.

So she ignored the court order, then was subpoenaed and now requests a trial? Hopefully the judge denies (doubtful) due to her failure to respond. I feel that judges are too lenient with the slackers who take advantage of the system.

No, the trial request is from MY attorney. We are READY to go.