SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

They had sex. They are adults, had desire, opportunity, and no morality...sex.

Sorry man but you only know the tip of this iceberg.

She’s a grown woman there is no excuse for cheating.

It takes two to tango. Your x friend was only a part of the equation. Your wife is the main culprit here.

WhatDidIDo222r,

You should not feel bad, for showing what you feel, you are the victim and they are your victimizers,

A and the most important thing, really, DO NOT JUSTIFY YOUR GIRLFRIEND, OR DO NOT TAKE PILLS AND DO NOT EAT, OR THAT ACTED TO YES,

No, she cheated on you because she is a cheater, and in some way, your ex friend helped you see the tremendous mistake you are making by marrying her.

You are a 30-year-old man, relatively young, I will tell you something, there are many loyal or faithful women, who would love and respect you as a husband or partner, because you are suffering, instead of rejoicing, that you discovered yourself, that this woman is not worth grief, as a wife, I send him a nude photo, and he doesn't regret it, I betrayed you with your best friend, maybe you've already had adventures without your knowing, apart from the ones you've discovered,

If you have a little bit of self-esteem, get away from her, and from your friend, you are young, I know it costs, out of habit, but you stand for something much better.

Cheaters lie

They lie alot

And i think its just the tip of the iceberg.

Her tears and 'shame' were/are not for you. That was her reaction to being caught and loosing her lover. She hesitated to say she loved you because she didn't want to give up the OM.

BTW: a deep kiss is really a big deal. In our culture it's an intimate act/boundary reserved for someone that you have strong feelings for. In addition, studies show that the 'kiss' was the last barrier/boundary/restraint that once crossed leads to sex.

The kiss is evidence that she had lost control of the relationship or concern for you - and headed for sex.

The roller coaster of emotions (love, hate, anger, disgust, depression) you feel are typical when cheated on.

You need to take at least 90 days (extend as necessary) to give yourself time to stabilize so you can make a decision you're comfortable with.

See your doctor asap. Your doctor can help with sleep loss and the roller coaster of emotions.

Inform her that your immediate reaction is to break up with her - but you will postpone a final decision for 90 days so you can calm down.

Inform her that because of her behavior she is no longer trustworthy (her words, excuses,promises mean nothing).

In the 90 day interim she should prove to you through her actions that she may deserve a second chance.

1 - Postpone the wedding for at least a year.

2 - No sex. Human beings are hotwired to have sex in these circumstances. It's called hysterical bonding. Don't do it. It confuses your long term rational thought process.

3- Move to another bedroom.

4 - Act like a roommate - not a life partner. Distance yourself physically and emotionally. Be civil but stop being her intimate friend, fixing her car, giving her emotional support, ...

5- If distancing yourself pushes her away, then you already lost her. She should be pursuing you, taking the initiative and doing back flips to prove she deserves another chance.

[This message edited by Robert22205https at 6:28 AM, June 4th (Friday)]

I get the impression that she (as well as the OM) are financially dependent on you. If that's the case she stands to loose a nice/comfortable standard of living.

Therefore, she will be desperate and will lie and promise you anything in order to save herself.

If she threatens self harm, don't judge whether she's serious or manipulating you - respond by calling the police or suicide hotline immediately.

Do not allow her self destructive choices (including cheating) to prevent you from leading the best version of your life.

My ex-husband was cheating with his best friend's wife. He had been best friends with this man since 8th grade. As such, this couple spent a lot of time at our house. Our kids played together every weekend.

I can tell you from experience that if they were willing to take the risk of making out on the couch while you were in the house, they were doing far more when you weren't around.

Don't buy into the PTSD stuff. The OW in my case was the damsel in distress. She talked about being so abused and ignored by her husband, in spite of zero evidence of it. She perfected her act. My marriage was the third marriage she broke up.

Think about the fact that these two people were engaging in this while you were in another room cooking them dinner. That is not an insignificant thing. You were being kind to them, and taking care of them, and instead of saying "Gee, what a great guy" they were embracing in complete betrayal of you in your own home. That's a special kind of disregard on both their parts.

It's a lack of respect, and decency that isn't going to go away. There is no adjustment to meds that brings back basic values. Neither of them have those.

He’s done I parted ways with him that night. As far as my spouse goes I’d feel different about it if she had done it before, this kiss didn’t bother me as much as the texts I read.

OK, most likely they acted closer to the texts than to middle schoolers kissing in a closet.

She’s never been like that and knows she fucked up.

This is called denial.

We’re looking at getting past this.

You don't get past it, you get through it. No rugsweeping.

If she and him were sexual it’s an automatic deal breaker.

So she is extremely motivated to continue lying to you.

I’m only defending her to a certain point because of her mental state at the time. I appreciate your advice though.

She failed the test drive. Wait until you run into REAL problems in your life. What about her mental state then?

Adults don't sneak around to kiss. They sneak around to fuck.

You don't have the truth.

They probably had sex but if they haven't yet, it's not out of love or respect for you, it's because they haven't had the opportunity yet. Considering that they use the opportunity to kiss even if you leave them for a minute, half an hour mall trip would be enough for this.

Hey, how are you doing?

Your ex-bestfriend is a snake! You housed him, put money in his pockets, give him work and he took your fiancée. Also, I strongly believe that they did more than kissing. They had all the time to do more than that.
Don't marry a girl like that! I can't imagine a girl with her fiancé in the kitchen making out with the 'bestfriend'... so gross!