@cmarch907 - If you say you were a poor partner/spouse, I'll believe you, because you are laying out a convincing case.
But was your wife a great wife? Maybe in addition to you, she or the relationship was bad. Is it worth salvaging?
Other than that, I ask that you re-examine your wife's story of her cheating, because it is obviously a pack of lies.
A few days later she seemed to come around and I thought things were improving but she actually stopped caring. The marriage was over for her. What I thought was her accepting not moving was her just not caring anymore. She seemed happy but she wasn't. She was making plans with me, bday trip ideas, etc so I thought she was coming around but she actually was so depressed that she was planning suicide and was trying to make me think she was better.
This is bullshit. I'll come back to it later.
A few weeks later she went out for the night with her friends, or I thought. She actually went out by herself and got a hotel room with the intention of killing herself.
Wait, what? She led you to believe that she was going out with friends, but instead she secured a hotel room with the intention of killing herself in it?
Huh? A hotel room? Why?
Just chew on that for a minute. She lied to you about going out with friends, but instead got a hotel room... to kill herself.
Okay, I'll bite. Let's see what happens next:
She reached out to a friend of hers, a guy she knew for 26 years because she wanted somebody to tell her friends and family what happened. He told her not to do it and to wait where she was. He talked her out of it by saying very nice things about her. He said she's beautiful, her life is worth living, she has so much to live for, she's a good person,etc. He treated her the way I wasn't treating her and she was so overcome with emotions that one thing led to another and they slept together.
So she was planning to kill herself for weeks, got a hotel, then instead of trying to kill herself, she alerted some dude she knew for 2.5 decades so that he would tell everybody that she had killed herself.
Huh? What?
And then, he told her not to kill herself, came over to the hotel room while she waited, and instead of dealing with her suicidal intentions, they got freaky and fucked! (Please remove the term "slept together" from your vocabulary, it is a euphemism to soften the reality.)
Does this sound in any way like a true story? If somebody else told you this story would you be like - "makes sense to me!"?
I found out a few weeks later from her text messages. She text her friend what happened and told her friend that as soon as it was over she cried and left because it was such a mistake.
Wait - what happened to suicide? So her well-planned, but aborted-for-fucking-instead suicide attempt seems to have faded rather quickly.
***
Now let's go back and I will tell you a true story:
A few days later she seemed to come around and I thought things were improving but she actually stopped caring. The marriage was over for her. What I thought was her accepting not moving was her just not caring anymore. She seemed happy but she wasn't. She was making plans with me, bday trip ideas, etc so I thought she was coming around but she actually was so depressed that she was planning suicide and was trying to make me think she was better.
1) That calm and optimism you saw in you wife was her stopping caring - about you. Her attention was now focused on her new romance, "Mr. 26 years ago".
2) She did not get a hotel room to commit suicide and then reached out Mr. 26 Years ago to be her messenger from death. She got a hotel room to fuck Mr. 26 Years Ago. And then he came over and fucked her. And then she went home to you.
3) Then when you found out, or perhaps in case you ever found out, she cooked up one of the more ludicrous stories I have heard.
***
Her behavior counters the narrative you have written. If she was so done with you, she would have run off with Mr. 26 Years ago. Instead, she entered into a relationship with him, planned ahead to get a hotel room and fuck him, then wanted to continue in her marriage with you. Or else she would have left you and went off with her old flame.
I still believe you when you said you were a bad partner. But your wife's story isn't true.
Whatever you do from here, work from the truth: Your wife didn't decide her marriage to you was done, planned to commit suicide and then accidentally fell on another man's dick in the hotel room she booked for the suicide, then forgot all about the suicide, and also then decided to keep on with the marriage. That. Did. Not. Happen.
Good luck to you.
[This message edited by faithfulman at 6:57 PM, Saturday, August 21st]
