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Newest Member: YouGoGirl2000

Reconciliation :
When is there too much to forgive?

Topic is Sleeping.

sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 3:24 PM on Wednesday, April 5th, 2023

What is your H doing about his co-dependence/people-pleasing? That's a big issue, and R won't work all that well unless he resolves it. OTOH, if he does become authentic, R can work very very well.

And you can R without forgiveness. Besides, I think we forgive a person, not the acts.

It took me 2 years to become confident that R would succeed for me. Somewhere in the 3.5-4 years period I found myself confident that we had R'ed and I had healed. But that was my timeline; yours will be yours.

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 29054   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8785788

Beachgirl73 ( member #74764) posted at 4:02 PM on Wednesday, April 5th, 2023

I’m sorry you’re going through this, but I totally agree with what First Wife and Abalone wrote. They make excellent suggestions. You need to make yourself independent. If that means moving closer into town with public transportation or getting yourself a driver’s license then I would do that. You need to be able to separate if he doesn’t follow through.

Best of luck. Everyone is rooting for you.

posts: 106   ·   registered: Jul. 3rd, 2020
id 8785797

annb ( member #22386) posted at 4:14 PM on Wednesday, April 5th, 2023

2 months after Dday he’s messaging a much younger woman.


^^^He was at it again, at least an emotional affair.

What's it going to take for him to understand boundaries? Apparently he is enjoying the attention from these other women. Are you certain he hasn't cheated in the past?

posts: 11970   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2009   ·   location: Northeast
id 8785799

antbee ( new member #80981) posted at 5:58 AM on Tuesday, April 11th, 2023

There's a book called Cheating in a Nutshell by Tamara and Wayne Mitchell that I think you'd probably find very helpful in making sense of all your feelings.

I'm so sorry you're here. The depth of pain and grief is something that's just impossible to imagine unless it's happened to you.

posts: 19   ·   registered: Sep. 19th, 2022
id 8786456
Topic is Sleeping.
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