Lotus6065 (original poster new member #86399) posted at 1:52 PM on Thursday, January 29th, 2026
I’m having such a hard time accepting that my kids (ages 22 & 19) continue the same relationship with my WH/their dad after he has hurt me so badly. I feel like it’s a stab in the heart. He is manipulating and I don’t trust him. (After 27 yrs of marriage he has been having two yr affair with woman and has cheated with others). I am holding such contempt and trying to move past this but it’s so tough. I have been following my counselors advice to not bad mouth their dad and they don’t know all the details of his infidelity/the whole truth. I know I need to move past this but I am so mad at my WH. He is a liar and scum. How have you coped with these feelings? I’m looking for advice please
BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 4:41 PM on Thursday, January 29th, 2026
How much do they know? You don’t have to spill all the dirt or badmouth your WS for them to know enough.
Also, unless someone has been through infidelity they have NO IDEA how damaging it is. Pop culture makes it seem like no big deal. I admit it hit me way harder than I had imagined when friends’ experienced it. This means your kids, too. They will see the truth about him over time as they mature and grow.
I am sure it is really hard. But you can only control you — they will have to determine their own boundaries. I am so sorry that you are going through all this. One of the horrible effects of cheating….
Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)
**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **
Charity411 ( member #41033) posted at 5:23 PM on Thursday, January 29th, 2026
It's really hard to deal with the unjustness of it all. You were the loyal one, the one there for your kids while he was out doing whatever he wanted. It feels like it's being done to you all over again when it seems like your kids put no blame on him, because it feels like they put no value on the kind of parent and wife you were.
The best way to get past it is to ask yourself what being so angry about this is accomplishing for you. You can't change what he did to you, and you can't control how your children deal with it. Your marriage is over so now the important thing is keeping the rest of your family intact, because you still have a family as long as your children are alive. Not hating him doesn't mean they don't love or need you. The way your children see this is that they are being expected to choose a side in a fight they never wanted and had nothing to do with. Harboring this resentment will not strengthen the relationship you have with them.
I had to reframe my thinking about this issue. I switched to focusing on wanting the best for my daughter, and fair or not, that was having a good relationship with both of her parents. Once I did that it was much easier to lose the anger. I didn't have to convince her he was bad, just that I was the best mom I could be. It was very freeing, because it's so much easier to build up my relationship with my daughter than it was to try and destroy her relationship with him, because you will never succeed at that. In reality our kids aren't required to make a choice. When we gave birth to them we knew we were creating a separate, unique human being with the freedom to choose their own path. We can give them wisdom in a positive way, but it's up to them what they choose to do with it.
And yes, you will be surprised as time goes on. They figure out a lot more than you think they do. And they share a lot more of how they feel when they no longer sense resentment.
