SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Reliving sex with ex

Last year I used my boyfriend's phone to locate mine. When I opened the phone I discovered that he typed in Google that he was dealing with managing his attraction to his ex. I immediately confronted my boyfriend about it and he revealed to me that he went on his ex's Instagram page twice and each time in the moment of looking through her page he was wishing he could f\*\*\* her and was reliving having sex with her. He said the last time he did it he felt guilty and was asking A.I for help so he could stop.

I was very hurt and I cried about it. He begged me not to leave him and promised he will do better. He claimed his ex was emotionally abusive constantly dumping him and their toxic relationship lead to them both cheating on each other.so it makes the whole fact that he was obsessed with her even more traumatizing for me. We had been together for 2 years when he did this!!!! I asked him if it was the sex he had with her or if she did anything particularly special and he told me no, it was the way she looked. Which felt like a knife in my heart. He said he's always had a fetish for Asian women.

(I'm not Asian) He of course said he's very attracted to me and this has nothing to do with me. But I can't help but project it on to myself. I never expected him to never think of her every now and than or never have a sex fantasy. But the obsession to the point of looking her up Is too much for me to deal with. We were doing couples therapy but I cancelled because I came to the realization that how is therapy supposed to make a person not want to fuck their ex?that's all HIM. So now he's in individual therapy. I haven't had any repeated occurrences with his ex a year later but every now and then I remember that at one point he was wishing he could fuck her again and I begin to spiral all over again. I start snapping at him over small things or completely shut down emotionally and want to be left alone.