SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I’ve posted a few times in the past week or so , sorry if it’s too much. The point of this post is to say I feel so so lonely with carrying this burden of trauma / betrayal. I did start seeing a therapist weekly. My family doesn’t know .. they have had a lot of other things going on and I didn’t want to stress them out more / have them worry about me. As for friends.. I only told one , because I felt like one day when I first found out I was struggling to even exist so I needed someone to literally take care of me. She is a good friend but not someone I talk to every day. I have an online friend that I have told that I do talk to every day, they have been very very helpful. But other than that I feel like I am carrying this burden mostly alone. Why don’t I tell more friends / family ? Well , I’ve kind of always been a more private person about very personal things … I hate having people worrying about me or treating me differently if they know I am going through something (especially since I am a teacher and the school year just started , a lot of my friends work with me. I would hate to be asked how I’m doing or even brought to think about things at work- work is a distraction for me ). As for my family I would rather tell them after when it’s "dealt with" ie we break up or we go through a reconciliation. I can’t stand the thought of being judged by friends and family for perhaps telling them what happened, then Having them say "leave him!" (Because of course most people would tell you to do that before having been in that situation themselves. )And then being judged if I did decide to stay , etc.
anyways sorry for the rant , but if anyone on here feels the same way I would love to connect with someone here, that we can talk to about this stuff specifically and how we are getting through it. If you think that would be helpful to you please message me. I’m 35 but I don’t care how old you are. Women only for messages … Sorry men, I am currently repulsed at the thought of talking with men and it’s not your fault . But open to advice from all genders about how to just deal with the trauma and grief.

Hi, Leeleelu, so sorry you are feeling isolated and lonely, unfortunately IMO most BS here felt the same way. I leaned on one friend, but not that often, it was somewhat helpful.

As for members messaging you, the site rules are I believe you have to have 50 legitimate posts before you can exchange private messages.

Post as often as you need to, just a thought, perhaps you could meet with your therapist twice a week just for a few weeks then taper back to once a week.

Try to get out of your environment as much as possible, exercise, do whatever it takes to give yourself respite from the trauma. I used to take my laptop to coffee shops just to get out of the house or go for a drive and scream blood curdling screams to release some of the anger.....whatever it takes.

Try seeking out BAN (Beyond Affairs Network) that is a support group for Betrayed Spouses, there might be a chapter in your area.

[This message edited by annb at 11:03 AM, Saturday, August 29th]

I am a male, and want to offer my heartfelt sorrow for what you are going through. You are not alone here on this forum. We have felt what you have and can sympathize. KNOW THAT.

I do have two pieces of practical advice.

First, what helped me survive exactly what you speak of is seeking God like never before. It says in his word "He is aquatinted with our grief". He knows and hurts with you in a way we cannot. I would read the Psalms slowly daily, learning about God heart and praying. He will show up for you. Pour out your heart freely to him.

Next, go to YouTube and search "Dr. Jake Porter Disenfranchised Grief" and watch video. There is also another that will show up that is about an hour long "Grief after Betrayal".

These will help you immensely.

Yes, the guideline is: do not solicit PMs.

Post and read. If you post, someone might resonate with you and PM you. Also, I believe you can't initiate a PM until you've posted 51 times (and the posts must be substantive). Once you get to 51 posts, you'll be able to initiate PMs with people you want to connect with.

As for my family I would rather tell them after when it’s "dealt with" ie we break up or we go through a reconciliation.

You can decide to D at any time, but if you R, note that the SI rule of thumb is 2-5 years to recover from your pain; R often takes longer. So if you don't split, you're keeping family out for a long time.

VERY IMPORTANT: recovery is incremental. You won't feel as bad as you do now for the whole period. Once you start healing, you'll feel better and better as time goes on.