I'm generally in a good place these days, but I've been noticing more bouts of depression and more rumination on WX's infidelity lately. Sometimes I dream about him, and in some of those dreams, we're behaving in ways from before he cheating (the good old days), and in others, from after. Both are hard to process after I wake up.
Things that might be contributing to my mental state: I haven't been seeing as much of our kid. She prefers her childhood home (my former house) to my temporary apartment (understandably) and finds it easier to study there. She has college applications due soon, so I'm not pressing her to spend more time with me, and the time we have together is good, but I do feel sad about it.
The weather - it's been blazing hot, then cold and rainy, then back to hot - all over the place. My health hasn't been as good (weather changes are hard on chronic illness), and the app I use to track my vitals is showing a decline. When I'm have a flare up, it's harder to regulate my mood.
The time of year: a week until my former wedding anniversary. 9 days to the first DDay anti-versary. These weeks have been hard the past 3 years. I guess I was hoping it wouldn't as bad now that the divorce is all done, that I might forget about what day/week it is, but I guess my mind is still keeping track.
Nearly 4 years since DDay1, and it hasn't lost its power over me. I hate that.
I have a tremendous urge to go back over my journal entries, the timelines, the photos. I don't know if that would help or hurt. I don't know why my subconscious wants to relive it all. How do you get through the tough days years later?
DDay1 Nov 2022: WX admitted to a 3yr LTA with AP1.
DDay4 Sep 2023: WX confessed an EA from 2014 with AP2.
Married 25 years on DDay1.
Tried R for 2.5 years. Divorced Aug 2026.
