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Tactical Primer

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Skan posted 12/19/2014 17:25 PM

bump

Skan posted 12/24/2014 23:19 PM

bump

Skan posted 1/3/2015 14:57 PM

bump

lordhasaplan? posted 1/7/2015 12:51 PM

Bump

cantaccept posted 1/17/2015 18:25 PM

bump

5454real posted 1/19/2015 14:27 PM

bump

Jrazz posted 1/22/2015 02:27 AM

MangledHeart posted 1/28/2015 14:03 PM

I just realized you guys have been bumping this thread for over five years! I'll save you the trouble.

LAFA posted 1/28/2015 14:39 PM

Thank you, MH! Great idea.

doodle123 posted 2/3/2015 08:41 AM

Thank you

Shattered0917 posted 3/18/2015 17:10 PM

I'm not sure if I'm posting in the right spot I'm so new to this.. I need help ! I have no one to talk to I am too ashamed for anyone to know.. My husband and I r known to everyone I know friends and family as the perfects.. We have been so I sink with each other since day one and I have always felt so loved .. Well by accident I came across a plenty of fish account on his phone .. I had to dig cause I was confused.. I shouldn't have because my life has been destroyed.. My husband has been online cheating sexting sending pics ect for months and since dec had been actually going out and sleeping with other women at least 45!!!! I confronted him he tried to sugar coat it and say I did nothing wrong he just needed a self esteem boost and that he's done and he promises it will never happen again.. I'm trying so hard to believe him since I did say for better or for worse.. Sorry for the ramble help im do alone

woundedby2 posted 3/19/2015 16:15 PM

Shattered,

You should start a new topic in Just Found Out and put your story there.

I'm sorry you've had to join us here, but you have found the best place for advice and healing.

I can't imagine the pain of discovering your spouse has been with scores of other women. I'm so sorry. But please prepare yourself for more as the truth comes out.

I think with this sort of scenario, the first thing you need to do is get to the doctor. Explain the situation (I know it's hard) and get tested for STDs. He should also be tested. No unprotected sex until you have seen his results.

I wish you the best. It's going to be rough, but you will get through this.

Number posted 6/14/2015 04:17 AM

Thanks for putting together this Tactical Primer. On my own I've covered many of the steps... But not all.

I especially appreciated the part which encourages not ignoring the affair because I'm going through different emotions from one day to the next - - and some days I want to forget that I've been betrayed. Part of me wants to act like it never happened so that I can quickly return to the previous state of bliss.

I appreciated the part which talked about being accused of invading the wayward spouses' privacy when looking for objective evidence of the affair or continuing communication with the other person. I did confront her with my findings but was made to feel like I was the one who was doing something wrong... And yes... I've been blocked from phone access and FaceBook and made to feel like I am overly rigid.

I'm not happy that I'm here but am thankful that I have a place to come where I can get some support and get my head & heart centered in the right place.

Denise88 posted 8/16/2015 09:54 AM

thanks so much, if only i have come to place sooner, i made so many mistakes

3eyeblind posted 9/4/2015 20:33 PM

Thank you....wish I had read this when I first found out.

HurtungWife123 posted 9/11/2015 06:56 AM

Great advice! Thank you.

loneliestman posted 9/26/2015 02:36 AM

A fantastic primer. Tactics/strategies are everything. They give you goals. Keep you focused. I like the idea of boundaries. It sets out the framwork of a workable marriage from this point on. If those boundaries can't be met by the cheater - and that the boundaries are perfectly reasonable, then there's no hope for the marriage.

loneliestman posted 9/26/2015 02:38 AM

I especially appreciated the part which encourages not ignoring the affair because I'm going through different emotions from one day to the next - - and some days I want to forget that I've been betrayed. Part of me wants to act like it never happened so that I can quickly return to the previous state of bliss.

I think it's just you giving yourself a break from the trauma. We all need a break from it, particularly when it's all-consuming.

SheRecovers posted 10/6/2015 18:34 PM

This is very helpful. I am 3 weeks out and am still as mesed up as day 1. It is helpful to hear I do not have to make any life altering decisions yet and it is still early and I can grieve a bit longer.

griddeniefr posted 10/9/2015 16:44 PM

Wow,all I can say is Thank you from the bottom of my heart. This is a great breakdown and I have already started copying phone records and took pictures of days worth of texting. I also got copies of the 401K and he would have to provide his retirement info. because it's online. I don't think my WH realizes that because were 56 and 57 that it's too close to retirement for me to start trying to get retirement $$$ together. I have not given him a choice yet because I'm about 3 weeks in since D day, but with some more time and counselling, I know I can get there.

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