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honey, they always affair down...

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jamie2015 posted 7/14/2015 11:29 AM

I really never laugh anymore but I did post a while ago about some of the photos of my sex-addict husband's prostitutes he hired (especially the ones off of Craigslist)...they are absolutely hideous...I really do not ever want to be the person who makes fun of someone's looks - but good grief...my WH is NOT a bad-looking guy - that's his problem...if he pays $100 they tell him (at age 54) he's a god...Pleeeez...let's leave it at not bad looking but no movie star. Anyway, then I see these women he chose - truly digusting fat, huge soggy/sagging boobs, wrinkles, nasty faces and bizarre teeth (I made him take me to one and I rang the doorbell - dear gosh - what a shock)...I am in shock from the entire nightmare but to add to my shock, I now have this to deal with...I know, I know, I know I have to leave this idiot...I'm working on it slowly during my few lucid moments of the day.

I know it's mean but I so wish there was a website where one could post Craigslist/Backpage freely advertising 'masseuses' and write OUR reviews of them. These are people who publicly choose to invite guys in their homes for sex. Yep, I know - I got it out of my system but I know it matters not to anyone...It's just the shock of some of these people...

Frosty123 posted 7/14/2015 11:40 AM

It's weird for me to read that because while I don't think the OW is prettier than me and we are the same age, she seems to be all the things he complained that I'm not


And since she was also married that means that if she affaired down , my H is the sad desperate loser? Really makes me wonder about this topic .

RideorDie posted 7/14/2015 12:15 PM

THANKS!!! I so needed to read this. I am feeling beyond rejected. I have spent my days wondering why her? What does she have that I don't. I am trying so hard to get out of this funk. I am going to re-read this everyday!

FormerOW posted 7/17/2015 13:40 PM

BS responses only.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 5:30 PM, July 20th (Monday)]

mimi2015 posted 7/17/2015 14:07 PM

I like the idea of this post, but it's not always true. They don't always affair down, externally at least. My WS likes to make it clear how sexy, attractive, in shape, thin and adventurous his AP is. I've seen her, she is cute and younger. I guess she teaches yoga, and all men want that. "I love her with all my heart, I've never felt that way about you. I just went through the motions for 14 years." That's what I get. He's still with her and so far up her a$$ it's hard to tell who's speaking. She has him taking herbs and remedies to help his ailments and I think is totally influencing him in every aspect of his life. She is not educated, so that's a plus for me. And he's admitted he's totally needy and jealous with her. That doesn't really make me feel better. Just lets me see what a sad sack he is that she's now taken him. She seems to want to "save" an "heal" him. So I guess there's comfort to me there - she got my very sick H and will nurse him back to health for herself. He has no remorse, he walked away and has not looked back. Left me and our 7 y/o with a house to take care of 4 pets and a huge mess. He has no responsibilities and is just living his fantasy life with his fantasy partner. I'll re-read this and try to find the parts that help me. Anyone who starts a relationship with a cheater is a loser. But she may end up with my life partner as hers.
Me:47
WS: 44
AP: 35
DD: 6/23/15
Married 13 years.

[This message edited by mimi2015 at 2:09 PM, July 17th (Friday)]

Edie posted 7/18/2015 15:48 PM

So what about when they DO affair up?
I can't help but think this thread is just a reassurance thread and not a reality thread.

Waywards will always play down the OW/OM once caught... Is that what BS's grasp at as comfort?

False comfort I think.

Your nomenclature says it all...

shell389 posted 7/18/2015 17:29 PM

This post is so awesome. Makes me see things more clearly. But my fear is that WH is actually serious about a relationship with OW and is not going to snap out of it and come back. I am going to file for divorce. Meeting with the lawyer Monday but I don't even think this will snap him out of it. He seems too far gone. 6 weeks since he moved out and I haven't called him since July 1st and he makes no contact with me whatsoever. When I did text him to ask for a good time to meet a divorce mediator he never responded. It's like he buried our 23 years together somewhere down deep.

h8rtbrkn posted 7/18/2015 23:10 PM

Thank you for this...never thought about that! In my eyes she was prettier, more educated, just the perfect package!

Edie posted 7/22/2015 06:48 AM

Husburned posted 7/22/2015 12:42 PM

Yes, excellent post Edie!

I managed to keep my self-esteem intact upon discovery, thanks in no small part to the bald, short, little dicked, pain pill addicted, bankrupt (morally and financially), unintellectual, courthouse frequent visiting, phony Christian, scared-when-confronted, lying, estranged from his children, puddle of paramecium diarrhea that was my WW's AP (aka "The Junkie").

Still amazes me to this day how low she sunk. Half of the litany above was discovered by me after D-Day. I admit to some delight when I would say to her "Oh, look, I found his court records! Wanna see?" I enjoy the revenge of rubbing her nose in his complete loserness.

TS68 posted 7/23/2015 08:54 AM

Well if I were to ever have an affair anyone would be up.

cookiegrl posted 7/23/2015 10:43 AM

When I saw pics of the latest OW I almost gagged... it just solidified the fact that it's just all a big fantasy/emotional for him and I guess he didn't really care about looks. Because ewww!!

Rain1177 posted 7/23/2015 10:56 AM

U said it all, very well said :):(

Sybo posted 7/23/2015 12:05 PM

I always considered a 23 year old who does nails and lives w/ his mom was a step down. But when I finally heard them talking on VAR it looks a hell of a lot further DOWN than I could have even thought. He's a fucking moron, dullard, weak, whipped, CHILD.

Good luck w/ that honey...maybe you can ride the unicorn to the welfare office.

UKgirl posted 7/23/2015 13:23 PM

MOW was WH's ex-fiancee. She's intelligent, attractive, got a lovely home, is reasonably weathy, has a great job and career that she loves, a decent man as her husband, three university educated children - one married with a little girl, has plenty of friends, has great holidays.

But. Something inside of her was and still is unhappy. Something inside of her said it was just fine to have an affair with her ex-fiancee when they were both married and had been for over 20yrs. And the same goes for fWH. And THAT is why I say they affaired down. They lost their personal values, their self respect, the respect of others, their integrity, their credibility and their sense of decency, of right and wrong.

The AP may have been all that and more, but anyone who has an affair, affairs down.

[This message edited by UKgirl at 1:24 PM, July 23rd (Thursday)]

Edie posted 8/6/2015 15:25 PM

Edie posted 8/21/2015 09:42 AM

Bump

wantthistostop posted 8/21/2015 13:16 PM

OMG, I am so happy to have found this thread and post. Thanks Edie for putting it back up there!

We B's have a need to try and pinpoint who, what, where, when, how and WHY! Part of processing

So many of us (if not all of us) are so hurt by the betrayal we question ourselves, what we did, didn't do, should have done, could have done. THAT MUST STOP!

Who gives flying "f#@$" who, why, when or how, if the W can't see the value in US, leave them to their AP, because as we all know from hanging in for the long haul, the honeymoon phase ends and the complacency and mundane begins...the fog lifts!

We are not villains, we are fucking saints! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise!

Whatever happens in a M (or relationship) that should be dealt with in the M, not outside of it!

If they can't see our inherent value and the beauty that we exude, its NOT OUR PROBLEM!! Its theirs, and unfortunately, our self esteem, respect and worth becomes a casualty.

I am not sure I want to fight to keep the relationship or R. That is doing the "pick me" dance and while I agree that the BP (taking up the suggestion to make it gender neutral) should fight, if the W has already left (like in my case)....let them go as they will most assuredly learn not too far down the road, their horrible mistake (and those consequences are KARMA being a retributive BEATCH!)

For all the B's out there suffering, keep coming back and keep your self respect, esteem and worth even if you can't keep your W. They are worth way more in the long term!

May all of you find peace, happiness and the nearest exit from Hell.

(((((()))))))
Want this to stop!

Michelle79 posted 8/21/2015 16:19 PM

I love this thread.

Edie posted 8/25/2015 10:09 AM

bump

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