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You will drop to your knees.....

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HurtnAlone posted 5/7/2015 22:41 PM

EEJJ, great post and inspiring to all of us, especially the ones early in the storm. I'm only a couple of months out but hope to be where you are by end of year. Happy to hear you have mostly made it through and are finding life and happiness again. Wish the same for all of us here, on the best site that nobody wanted to ever join.

mozi posted 5/7/2015 23:00 PM

Thank you so much, EEJJ. SI will continue on with a daily flow of those JFOs who like us all have been blindsided and are in the throes of utmost, seemingly undendurable pain. Your thoughtful words are inspiring to me and will bring encouragement to many here during their struggles. Glad to know you are feeling good and doing well, and it's really great that you shared your experience with us.

EEJJ posted 5/8/2015 15:26 PM

Thanks for the responses everyone, I just hope it can help in some small way to cope with the devastating news we all know so well unfortunately! Paying it forward as one of my brothers here keeps telling me

I actually wanted to add so much more, but kept it to the initial SHOCK stage to try to help through the beginning, which is very very hard. We all know the choices of D and R are one of the first ones to cross our minds, and myself I was willing to do anything to save my family at first but now that I am strong enough, my thoughts are not the same now that I was able to clear my head. Now I am focused. Hoping to help get that understood, that you must get yourself strong enough, for you, and to be able to make that decision with the clear and solid mind! There is plenty of time for everything else!

Just trying to do my part to help others that unfortunately have to deal with this mess.

YOP, 5454, hobbes, OKNOW, and others who know who they are, A nod and huge hug for you all. Words I type do not do justice to how much you all have meant.


SKAN,
Thank you for your words. Means a lot, and honestly never looked at it like that but thank you for pointing that out.

Antlered,

However it seems like neither of us waited around letting the WS dictate how things were going to be. I think that having some measure of control really makes a difference.

^^^^ Agreed, this is where the 180 and NC was big for me in my situation. It set the stage on where I stood and Im sure you know, it wasnt easy. Being NC and doing the 180 didnt mean this crap didnt hurt, but what it did do is help me find me and get strong! This let her know that what she did was unacceptable and that I was not gonna put up with it. In her state of mind it might of not mattered anyway, but still I turned my back on her!

Trying2loveagain

There are no re-do's in this life...it's not a dress rehearsal, and we should live it happy and to the fullest

^^^^ Exactly, no re-do's so trying to regain control of YOU is huge! For me it was especially for my kids. Watching them spiral out of control put the pressure on me to snap out of it and help them. Again, SI was huge here in helping me get there and also the 180.

Kansas,

As you said, control is the key. It takes time and a lot of soul searching, but the control will return. Thanks for your post. My WS and I are four and a half years out and things are going well. The FACT is still there but tolerable.

^^^^ Lots and lots of soulsearching, but once you find it, the stronger you start to become. Not sure how others feel, but for me I knew it was always there, but I could not reach it due to the blow and the shock. It was just getting to it and accepting everything. I guess if I could describe it, it would be a long nightmare that lasts months and months, you play out the scenarios and try to live them out in this nightmare, then one day you just wake up and it just hits you, "I know what I need to do now".

Those just getting hit with the storm, Stay strong and keep posting. Hate that you are here, but glad that you found this place. You are no longer alone in this! Even though we are complete strangers here, we know exactly where you are and what you are going through now and we are now standing with you.

Worry about you then worry about you somemore !! Its all about you, then once you are on your feet, worry about the rest of the decisions that will need to be made. This is not at all an easy road to take, but with so many great people that dont want to be here but are, we have the MAPS for this road and will do our best to help point and guide you through this messed up road of INFIDELITY! All I would recommend is that you listen and do your best to open your mind and eyes to the maps that are being shown to you!

STAY STRONG and keep posting!

jjct posted 5/9/2015 06:50 AM

This is giving my grin muscles a workout!
EE)))

EEJJ posted 5/9/2015 13:31 PM

Those very few words mean a lot coming from you jjct

Western posted 5/9/2015 16:04 PM

EEJJ,

I wish you the best and I am respectful that you handles the situation better than most.
I was in your shoes and di the same.

Keep your head up. You have your life ahead of you.

I hope you never face the situation again as I hope I never have to.

EEJJ posted 5/10/2015 10:41 AM

western, back at you brother!

I posted this hoping I could help at least one person entering the storm. My SI family, feel free to add to this. This one is not all about me, its for all of us in the storm.

unluckykentucky posted 5/10/2015 21:16 PM

I am so sorry you are going through this! Good luck, and stay strong!

EEJJ posted 5/21/2015 10:15 AM

We must stay strong unlucky!

Wanted to get this back up for someone!

EEJJ posted 7/8/2015 22:27 PM

Bumping..

happyman64 posted 7/9/2015 08:15 AM

EEJJ

Good to see you standing tall, loving your kids and especially loving yourself again.

Keep feeling "alive".

HM

EEJJ posted 7/9/2015 08:44 AM

HM,

thanks brother. Really appreciate that.

Tuesday was my 11 months out. Approaching my year since dday. Posted something in General about it. This post I posted to try to help others here as many here have helped me!

mimi2015 posted 7/9/2015 18:39 PM

Thanks for your post. It's good to see someone tell everyone new that we will be ok. I feel pretty lost, sad and confused and keep replaying my marriage over and over and what could I have done? I know it isn't my fault, it's his own issues, but why couldn't he stay in the marriage and figure them out? Why did he have to leave us (me and my DD) and start a new life with someone else, never looking back? It hurts so much I can't breathe. And I think i'm going to curl into a ball and not get through this. So to read your post, and know you felt that kind of pain, but you are standing tall and fighting for yourself is really welcome news. I am hating how I feel and that I'm letting this scumbag take my cheerful, hopeful self and make me a sad, miserable victim. It's only been 2 weeks, so I know I have a long road. Your post is very assuring that I can also stand tall and let my H live his new life as the garbage he is and has tried to make me.

Needtofocus posted 7/9/2015 21:28 PM

Man, man, man! I have to say that you and your words are definitely hitting home a lot right now. I am doing exactly what you said and taking control. My wife wanted to separate around six months ago so that she could "figure things out". At that point I was weak and desperate to try to save my marriage. Fast forward six months and I now realize that I gave her the rope to hang herself.

Found out five days ago through her admission after I confronted her that she has been having an affair for at least the past three months. Do I believe that? Hell no! Made the decision to take back control of my life, saw an attorney two days later, and now moving forward with a divorce.

It sucks because we have two boys together, but she has become a complete stranger to me. It is crazy how empowering taking back control of the situation feels. I am looking forward to my future and my future with my boys even though it will not be the future that I envisioned nor wanted.

I am brand-new here, but I felt so inspired by many of you who have gone and walked this life already. I refuse to lay down and I will show her that she cannot defeat me. Believe that the future is bright for you, and then go down and chase it.

mozi posted 7/9/2015 23:33 PM

Good one to bump. I read your post in its entirety weeks ago and I just read the whole thing again and because we are all a couple more months down the road and I have the good fortune to be feeling so much better myself, your post (even though I've read it before) COMPLETELY MADE MY DAY!!!

Please take it to heart, JFOs. At the beginning you think, no, it's not possible, this sucks so bad I will NEVER feel better, and I am doomed. But EEJJ provides a great example of how we can get past this!

gggg posted 7/9/2015 23:46 PM

Thank you for this post. It gives me hope and some strength. I'm still in shock, and my emotions are all over the place. I seem to not even be able to stay in one emotion long enough to take control. But I really think I have a good hand to play, and I need to stop sitting back and just hoping this all goes away. Thanks again.

reddawn212 posted 7/9/2015 23:54 PM

standing tall and strong... i love that. your story demonstrates the power of resilience .. thank u for sharing!!!

bufffalo posted 7/10/2015 01:52 AM

EEJJ

thanks for the update, Bro. Ya took a couple of 2x4's for sure....but ya did good man ....shit sandwich and all...

again .....thanks for the update...


bufffalo

EEJJ posted 7/17/2015 12:15 PM

Buffalo, man brother. You were one of many that helped out brother. Thank you again! As I approach my 1 year since dday, its starting to enter my mind again but not in a way of hurt, more of just wondering and not being able to believe how far I have come from that day! I remember it like it was today, the thoughts of I WILL NEVER GET OVER THIS!! now i can sit here and type IM GOOD! It is not easy at all, the pain is huge, but there is a light as I was told in the beginning and did not see or believe. There is definitely a light.

I get many messages from some members that just read and dont post! I would recommend posting, and posting often! Do not hold it in. Its amazing what one word a total stranger can type and just open your eyes to so much you did not see! Especially in this moment of pain, you are just blind to everything! Please post and post often!!

MIMI2015,
I am very sorry you are here but glad you found this place. Please keep posting and accept the advice you get that you feel will help you. Yes, you have a long road but we are here to travel it with you when needed. I will check for your post and join you on this road MIMI. All you need to worry about now is YOU and your DD, thats it. Dont worry about the whys or what ifs, not now. Theres plenty of time for that. Worry about you and your dd!! Thats #1 at this time.

Needtofocus
Exactly brother, exactly!!

It sucks because we have two boys together, but she has become a complete stranger to me. It is crazy how empowering taking back control of the situation feels. I am looking forward to my future and my future with my boys even though it will not be the future that I envisioned nor wanted.

^^^^ I hear you here, and this was one of the painful parts to it all. Just be you and be the rock you already are for everyone! You will see how everyone will see and understand the real, without having to say a word brother!!!

Mozi,
Thank you. Hope it continues to get better for you. Keep staying strong.

GGGG,
this is the rollercoaster. Let your emotions run through and regain control. Thats when you will be ready to move forward. No need to rush!! We are here to help on this road.

Reddawn,

Thank you.

Stay strong everyone!!! Yes your body is weak, your eyes will be teary and you may cry but you must keep your Head up!!!

Take care of yourselves. Eat, sleep, listen to music, talk to someone close, post here, cry and do it all over again!!!

Western posted 7/17/2015 12:33 PM

EEJJ,

Glad you are doing well. I am also glad you keep coming back to help others.

I found that the solution to recovery is early, decisive action. But one can still recover and come out on top if they stumble early but more damage can be done that way.

You finished strong, bro, and now are in a much better place and I am glad to see it. Your EXW turned evil fast and even falsely accused you when filing bullshit restraining orders if I remember correctly. So you had to overcome more than just an affair.

One last thing. I know many people who are victims of what we went through and often times, we reflect back on what happened just to make sure we learned things and to prevent it from happening again. I know many who ask "I wonder if the EXW or EXH realize what they did". In some cases, they do and in some they don't. It really hurts when the betrayed also loses big in divorce because they become shattered and understandably so.

I am better off than ever and it sounds like you are doing great and that's what matters my man.

Thanks for helping others here. SI is a good place for people facing trouble

[This message edited by Western at 12:39 PM, July 17th (Friday)]

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