SurvivingInfidelity.com® > Reconciliation

itsmeagain posted 11/12/2017 12:09 PM

Dday 2 was 2 years ago. Things are going fine although I still struggle. Probably more so with the thought that he did this TWICE and I stuck around. But I quickly tell myself that the first time through I allowed the A to be rugswept. Nothing was done really. No work on his part. He said he wouldn't do it again and I believed him...not really sure why...probably because I was desperate to believe him.

I have not worn my wedding ring in almost two years. I took it off a few months after dday2. Honestly it no longer means anything to me. For over a year I wore no ring at all. Then this past summer I put a simple band back on. It was merely to be a sign that I am married and not available (not like I was getting hit up by guys all the time because I wasn't).

I don't know that I will ever want to wear my diamond again. I thought about having it reset in another setting but really when I think about my husband giving me another ring, it just doesn't mean anything to me. So, I have been considering buying MYSELF a new ring. Nothing elaborate...maybe just a nicer band. Kind of like a promise ring to MYSELF. A sign to me that no matter what, I promise to take care of ME!

Iwantmyglasses posted 11/12/2017 12:12 PM

If your ring is nice? Don’t get rid of it. It’s yours. A gift before marriage. Can’t be divided as an asset . Have it appraised. Wear it and think...if he screws up again. Here is my tummy tuck/ and or boob job.

allusions posted 11/12/2017 12:18 PM

I like that idea, itsmeagain. Rings (and other jewelry) have powerful symbolism associated with them. As a reminder of a promise to yourself, it will always be there.

I turned 60 this year. My birthstone is sapphire. When I was 30 I bought myself a blue star sapphire and put it in a ring. For my 60th I bought a black star sapphire pendant, representing my older self and to symbolise going to see the solar eclipse (the star in the blackness of the stone). Plus I knew my husband wouldn't get me anything special so I might as well give something special to myself.

So yes, find a ring that has a special meaning for who you are now, and how you promise to always be there for yourself. Look up the meanings of different gems and see if one speaks to you. And post a picture of your ring when you get it!

itsmeagain posted 11/12/2017 12:37 PM

Iwantmyglasses
My wedding ring is nice but nothing "over the top" nice. Nothing like some of the ones you see today as I could never justify spending that kind of money on a ring. I am too practical

My diamond is very good quality..around 3/4 carat... but honestly not sure it would even get me ONE boob, let alone two

Someday I might take it and put it into a solitaire pendant. But I won't get rid of it. I wouldn't get much for it even if I wanted to.

Skan posted 11/12/2017 13:03 PM

If buying yourself a new ring would make you feel better than do so. I also took off my "wedding" ring and didn't wear a band for about 3 years. In year 5 we renewed our vows and I picked out a new wedding band for that renewal and it was jointly paid for. I took the time that I needed, and did what made ME feel better. You should whatever feels right to you as well!

Simplicity posted 11/12/2017 13:28 PM

This could be a very good idea if it brings you to a better place. I would encourage giving yourself a gift of significance!

destroyed1 posted 11/12/2017 17:58 PM

I think it's a great idea

Lowlow posted 11/12/2017 20:12 PM

Didn't wear a ring for three years post DD. Then for my birthday, I bought myself a sapphire and diamond ring. Looks like a wedding band from afar.

It helped me for nearly two years, but now I'm back to not wearing anything. I know for certain that I won't wear my wedding ring again. Maybe I would accept a new one from him

Beauty4Ashes posted 11/16/2017 13:19 PM

This is a great idea. Once I️ found out about the A gave my wedding set back to my h. Didn’t want anything he gave me D day was only 3 months ago but I️ have been looking at getting myself a band. Love the idea “always taking care of myself” during this process my thoughts have changed to and it holds true depend on yourself for happiness no one else.

need2bfree posted 11/16/2017 13:29 PM

I actually had mine reset. Took away the band, moved 2 stones to the main ring and turned it into a past, present, future ring. The symbolism means something to me and I like that. But you do whatever you like. There is no right or wrong.

OneTimeisEnough posted 11/16/2017 16:42 PM

I think it's a great idea if you think that it is something that will help you in your struggles.

After Dday, I continued to wear it for a few weeks, then couldn't stand the site of it. I would wear it only occasionally to certain events. Then when my pregnant belly finally started showing I wore a ring. I bought my son's birthstone.

Now, more days than not, I wear a band I bought from Target. My H hates the idea of getting rid of it, so my thought is to trade in the diamond for a nice band, put my daughters birthstone in my setting and remove the wedding bands.....

I would however, like for him to do this on his own because he wants to. Its one of those things where if I Tell him and he does it, it really won't mean as much.

DidntdeserveIt posted 11/17/2017 08:56 AM

For those of you that removed your rings did your SO get to remove or replace their ring?

I also took mine off then lately WS is saying he looks at his ring as a broken promise to me and he doesn't like it so he wants something else.......told him something from Walmart just a step above a coin machine ring!

thatbpguy posted 11/17/2017 09:16 AM

I love the idea of getting yourself a ring replacing the soiled wedding ring.

strugglebus posted 11/17/2017 09:33 AM

Just wanted to pop onto this thread to enable any and all purchases of new jewelry as you see fit. Pick up a new band and some nice earrings to match.

There are tons of ways that people deal with the symbolism of wedding rings post dday and I don't think there is a thing wrong with your way. I hope it brings you peace!