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OwningItNow posted 11/14/2017 16:42 PM

To be clear, Catch--my H worked on himself continually for the 18 months (and more) of our separation. I was out of the M, completely detached, done. It was only watching and seeing his actions change over time that I decided to stop the D. I did not just one day change my mind, so do not hope for that.

Why are you asking your W anything? About her rings or anything? Think only of yourself and what you are doing. Detach totally. You don't have a W. She doesn't live there. You are just worrying about your well being and your kids. She does whatever she does.

It is frustrating for a lot of us because from this end it seems that YOU should be more than done with HER. Your need of her is just not healthy. She is not treating you at all well, so it is hard to watch you still seek her out. Give yourself the love and attention you keep trying to give to her.

Catch44 posted 11/14/2017 17:07 PM

It is frustrating for a lot of us because from this end it seems that YOU should be more than done with HER.

I know. My family is frustrated as well. Thank you for your help and honesty.

Give yourself the love and attention you keep trying to give to her.

I will give it a shot.

Catch44 posted 11/14/2017 19:20 PM

WW went back onto FB.
Just show me the fastest way out.
Best is, she used the pic from the night she went and screwed AP#3 as her profile pic.

[This message edited by Catch44 at 7:26 PM, November 14th (Tuesday)]

OwningItNow posted 11/14/2017 19:38 PM

All I can say is that when I was codependent, I could not stop thinking about my narcissist of the moment--what he was doing, who he was doing it with, how sad and inferior I was. Codependency is a debilitating illness that stole many years of my life, but it is not a permanent condition. You are stuck in that pain and my heart absolutely breaks for you. I wish I could help. All I can say, Catch, is that there are many, many humans and we are all pretty freaking amazing. Find a way to remind yourself how amazing you are. Dwell on your great qualities, not to hurt her but with a sense of pride. Dwell on all that you like and do right.

You are truly the Catch, and you will one day see.

Catch44 posted 11/14/2017 19:51 PM

I was bored at work. And stuff didnít make sense.
Thanks OwningItNow. I am pretty awesome, slightly co-dependant and freakin pissed. I want out of this marriage like my hair is on fire and Iím looking for a bucket of water.

I am ready to prep the house and get the heck out. I will not be attending church together anymore. I am sick of this.

OwningItNow posted 11/14/2017 20:07 PM

I know you are angry, and rightfully so. But is there any way to find peace by thinking of all that awaits you instead of all that you are running from? That sometimes has a calming effect. Focus on where you are going instead of where you have been.

Catch44 posted 11/14/2017 20:56 PM

Thanks OwningItNow

I have hate right now. Star Wars dark side hate for WW.
Soooo.... I am vacuuming and cleaning bathrooms in the area the boys and I habitate. 😐

I am figuring out ways to focus on me. Whining about slow lawyers. I will journal in a bit. I just want out. Soooo badly. I was thinking of trips to go on eventually. I wish my sleeping patterns were better. I am going to make a list of interests and hobbies for the weeks I donít have the kids. Think about meals I can cook (I am actually pretty decent).

I appreciate your guidance. It has been very helpful.
As well as everyoneís input. Great advice from SI as usual.😁

Catch44 posted 11/14/2017 23:36 PM

Wow, I am still just so mad. The hurt. I really thought separation was a path to healing. The Facebook was just the junk punch after the motherfucker and pubnight lie. A trifecta.
How long does a separation agreement take? I have to get out of this cohabitation hell. Is that codependent or normal for that? I hate this woman.

[This message edited by Catch44 at 11:37 PM, November 14th (Tuesday)]

harrybrown posted 11/16/2017 14:55 PM

do you have family close by?

can you spend more time there than around her?

maybe she can watch the kids and be a mother.

Catch44 posted 11/16/2017 15:43 PM

Thanks harrybrown

I have family close by. My schedule is also very busy with kids sports and work. I try to be available for the kids. And I just feel like Iím knocked down and getting back up with my head reeling. So Iíve been lethargic. I have contact with my family and buddies by phone. Iím going to see my family a bit tomorrow after my IC.

WW is ok with me going and parenting. She is a good Mom (besides the obvious).
She just dislikes me enough that there is no empathy for me.

Thanks for checking in on me. I have a lot of big feelings today. I am also confidant that my future is going to be good.
Tough day.

Iím being mindful of co-dependancy

[This message edited by Catch44 at 6:07 PM, November 16th (Thursday)]

OwningItNow posted 11/16/2017 18:46 PM


I want to hug you and shake you: you have the power to heal, and it all sucks--I'm sorry.

My brother's wife was a serial cheater, but still--he did not want divorce. Major depression. Now, several years later? He's great. D was the best thing ever forced on him. You WILL be fine.

Your happiness matters--to you. Make yourself happy. Always. In the ways you can control.

Catch44 posted 11/16/2017 23:49 PM

and it all sucks--I'm sorry.

Thanks OwningItNow. I have a glass of wine in front of the fireplace... Iím going to miss this house. Iím going to miss my family. My wife fucked four guys each multiple times, and is mad at me. I wish her well. I am hoping I can be fully divorced by April.

When I think it, I feel like ďwifeĒ needs emphasis. And ďfourĒ... maybe multiple... If she had any decency, she would let me divorce unrestricted...

Lol, did it again. Focusing on her rather than me. That was a tough one though...

[This message edited by Catch44 at 12:37 AM, November 17th (Friday)]

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