I have been married to my husband for 10 years. We have been together for 11. I’m not his first marriage. My husband and I have had what I thought was a beautiful solid marriage. All of our friends and family looked up to us as a couple. We’ve always been able to talk to one another and have always been supportive.
Fast forward to 2 weeks ago, I had a feeling something was going on with my husband. He seemed distant. So I asked him what was going on. He struggled to tell me but finally told me he was no longer happy. I will admit that intimacy in our marriage was pretty much non-existent. He never really planned date nights and our life was pretty boring. However, it hurt me to hear that he was unhappy. So I promised that we would work on things. He agreed.
3 days later, I still have a gut feeling something was off. I ask again what’s the problem. This time he tells me he’s no longer attracted to me. That crushed me. It hurt me in the worst way. I asked how long he had been feeling this way. He said for a long time. I asked him why he never came to me and told me before it got so far. He said because he didn’t want to hurt me. I had picked up weight and let myself go a little. However so had he.
So I started to get up everyday and make myself pretty. I went out and bought sexy panties and a few new outfits. We started to have sex like hot cakes. I planned a romantic evening away for us to a hotel. Our kids that live at home are 17 and 14. So I was going to have my 20 year old come and stay with them while we were away. This was me trying to put fire back in our marriage.
The day that we were supposed to go to the hotel, something in my guy told me to check our phone records. Sure enough I noticed that he had been texting and receiving text messages from a certain number. A lot of them were during work hours so I figured it could be a co-worker. But when I saw that they were texting at almost midnight, I knew something was wrong.
I sent him a message and told him I needed to talk with him when he got off work. I searched the internet and found out who the number belonged to. I already knew this females name because he had discussed her, they were coming-workers.
I confronted him and he admitted that they were talking and getting to know one another. He said it was because he wasn’t attracted to me anymore. He denied sleeping with her. He apologized and said he would never do it again. I demanded that he end it. He sent her a text message saying I knew and that it had to end. What I didn’t know was after that text, he sent her another one telling her he would explain later.
Turns out he had been having an affair with this young lady (he’s 44 and she is 29) . He told me that he loves me but is no longer in love with me. He finally confessed to sleeping with her. He told me he was trying to get caught and he was doing things to try to make me put him out. He decided he wanted to get an apartment and see what can happen with this young lady. He says he had deep feelings for her and that he limbed her. I’m shocked!!!! Like you love her after 4 weeks (the current length of the affair). Like you want to throw your marriage away for 4 weeks.
He said she’s willing to do anything for him and loves him. He said he still wears his wedding ring when he’s with her because he’s still married and she doesn’t have a problem with that. He said she told him she would wait for him.
So then we decide we want to try to work things out. Yes even after all of that. He tells her and she completely falls apart. She thought he loved her. Why. Why would he do this to her. He begins to feel bad for her because remember he loves her. They have connected and she reminds him of me in the beginning of our relationship-those are his words. So I tell him he can no longer stay in contact with her if he wants to stay and make it work. He says ok.
Well he’s been communicating with her on his work cell phone. Which now is a problem. She keeps calling and texting him from different numbers. He claims he’s ignoring her calls and messages. So yesterday I told him that I wanted the passcode to that phone. I used to have it but he changed it so he could cheat with her. I told him if he was telling the truth that he isn’t communicating with her and that he wants to build the trust back up with me...he wouldn’t have a problem giving it to me. I told him if you don’t have anything to hide, you won’t have a problem giving it to me.
He blew up and refused to give me the passcode. At that moment I knew he was lying to me and is sill communicating with her. It’s like he’s trying to protect her. I already have her contact info. If I wanted to call her, I could. But I have way too much self control for that. Well he told me it was his work phone and he doesn’t have to give me the code and that I should just trust his word.
I told him I was done. There was no need to fight for someone who doesn’t want to fight as well. We had an appointment to start marriage counseling Monday. I told him, I’m still going for myself. However, I told him at some point I have to have some self-respect. I don’t deserve this. I told him it’s obvious he wants to be with her.
All he could say was he loves me, never meant to hurt me, and is sorry. I told him he needs to prepare to move out. She can have him and he can have her. But I told him he was kidding himself if he thought that a relationship built on lies would be successful. I told him she will have trust issues with you.
He never said he’s moving out, but I want him to. He hit me with some BS that he’s hurt too because he’s about to loose his best friend. Like what dude? He said he would run the numbers and see about moving out. I told him that should make him happy, now he can go be with her. He didn’t say anything but...stop.
He left this morning with his wedding ring on. Like what???? Dude you have checked out of this marriage and you’re still wearing your wedding ring. We just went a day ago and bought you a watch that would specifically coridnate witn your wedding band.
Like what is wrong with this guy? I have no clue who he is. It’s like aliens came and abducted my husband. This is not the person I married. It’s loke he’s done a complete 360.
I’m so confused as to why he wants to still wear his wedding ring. It could be so his co-workers don’t question him. I sent him a text and told him I have no clue why he put that ring back on. That I gave him what he had been wanting me to give him...an out. His response was he still wears his ring because he is still my husband. ???? Like am I crazy to think that’s crazy? At this point you’re planning to move out to be with your lover. We are only married on paper. I swear I am so confused.
Help!!!!!