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PricklePatch posted 1/9/2018 12:00 PM

I keep trying to make lemonade out of lemons.

We dissolved one 401k over my DD medical bills.
She was thriving. We paid for a move for college in Nov, so she could acclimate. In 24/hours after leaving she was physically abused and raped. Flew her home. She didn’t want to give up on not living there. Went to get her car weekend before Xmas. The best friend of abuser showed up to harass her. It was a scene. She didn’t cope well and self harmed.

I had given her rent money for Dec. she spent it. I had to pay dec as her things were in the room and she didn’t give notice so I had to pay Jan to. She has to pay me back. These are the natural consequences of her moving into a house versus a door per my wishes.

She is depressed and sucidial. We are driving her back and forth 2 hours each way to her medical team. Because of her depression her health is slipping. So now I am administrator of antidepressants as we were totally transferred to her self medicating.

Her bathroom is a war zone her suitcases unpacked in my living room. I did it sat, I texted her I did as she was at work. She was pissed as she has OCD and it is not perfect. I told her I knew she was stuck and I needed the stuff put up so we could live in our house. We set an agreement that I would assign her tasks and she would spend the amount of time doing them I gave. So I told her put this shoe box full of Bandaids and stuff away. She got ticked as I told her to the next task.

Today I told her with the roof leak that occurred last night and the plumbing issue I had I could not put down the deposit on her new puppy that is from a Harley the service dog breeder, who is well known for breeding service dogs. That between that and her failure the last week to apply for a different job it wasn’t the responsible thing to do.

On top of that I am legal guardian to my BIL. He had a stroke. So I spend the day at the hospital with him. He was subdued he is developmental disabled and schizophrenic. He is smart enough to know he isn’t normal and desperate to be normal on the developmental side. He wants to go to college, he isn’t qualified. Then there is his schizophrenia. He came out full force with both yesterday. When he is like this he is a pill. The group home manager was with me. My BIL refused water. I told him clearly your not getting a different drink. He tried to manipulate everyone coming into getting him Diet Coke.

I had sent my husband home to work once we assessed things. My husband wanted to put on a DNR. He knows his brother will never be happy. I told him no, it isn’t a discussion we are having or need to have right now. My BIL heard him and wanted to know what it meant I got to explain. But I told it that I knew his wishes as a catholic not to worry.

Then the roof leaking. My kid whining about not finding the parmigiana cheese. I am just fed up.

I told my kid to make a blessings list and look at the good in her life, she was pissy I called it Blessings. Out of the blue my sister started saying Blessings instead of thank you. That word annoys her as does the word consequences.

I am for the moment fed up. I feel like there is chaos all the time. I have really tried to make sure with therapy and monitoring by sane relatives I am not creating it.

I know the parts that are natural roof, plumbing etc. but a 43 year old man and a stroke. My kid getting raped. It is just to much. No lemonade today except we are alive.

lieshurt posted 1/9/2018 12:21 PM

Oh my gosh, PricklePatch you have so much on your shoulders. I wish I had some words of wisdom that could help. All I can do is send you big hugs and positive thoughts. Is there not more your husband or other family members could do to help you? Perhaps a church or a non-profit?

(((PricklePatch)))

1Faith posted 1/9/2018 15:04 PM

Oh PricklePatch

(((hugs)))

Yes, you have every right to vent.

You need a break. One of those situations is trying let alone all of them together.

Can you take a few hours just for you? Go to the movies (escape) or just go for a super long walk? Not trying to simplify things at all just recommending you unplugging for a moment.

Sometimes we can't make lemonade. You have been thrown a lot to deal with and some of it isn't lemons.

I agree, what else can you get others to do?

I wish you some peace. I hope your DD stays in therapy and works on her own healing.

Everyone is luck to have you.

(((hugs)))

[This message edited by 1Faith at 3:05 PM, January 9th (Tuesday)]

PricklePatch posted 1/9/2018 15:48 PM

Where we live we have lost our support system. A few we lost due to the events that brought us here. My family is the opposite coast. His family is small and very unhealthy. There is no relationship with cousins on his side.

My daughter lost all her friends during the illness. We have more support but we would need to move to Southern California to have a solid base. Cost is preventing that, along with jobs for husband.