SurvivingInfidelity.com® > Reconciliation

Maclou posted 1/28/2018 07:05 AM

Oh, this rollercoaster of emotions is draining. I am finding it hard to live with my two personalities so I don’t know how my WS is doing it.

Recently spent almost 2 weeks down-that was my longest ever. Only 3 days up and I’m sliding again, I was hoping for longer. Up is a much better place to be.

Overall, I’ve been managing about half and half, up and down. There’s not a huge amount of in between. It’s mostly all or nothing.

When I’m up, I’m almost euphoric. I’m hopeful and I love my WH so much. I can see how he’s working to right his wrong, I can see the pain in his face because he feels so bad about hurting me. I can see our future and it’s happy. We laugh together. We talk lots. We make plans. It’s so good.

When I’m down, I can’t make eye contact with him. I feel anger and disgust. I question everything, right back to the start of our relationship over 20 years ago.

He’s hanging in there in good times and bad and he trying so hard to help me to heal. He’s getting better at it- he’s had plenty of practice.

The awful thing is that we’re BOTH devastated by this. I know absolutely that if he could undo this, he would. He would never choose this if he had the time over. He can’t believe his own stupidity and selfishness. He loves me and wants me.

Just needed to vent.

hurtingheart90 posted 1/28/2018 07:19 AM

It’s so hard isn’t it. It’s so difficult to explain it to someone who has never experienced it before too, that’s why I love that I can come here and vent.

Whenever I’m at a low (and they suck so bad) I try and think about when the next high will be...like you, for me the highs can feel euphoric! Like I’ve figured out the purpose of life and am about to embark upon an incredible journey of healing.....yeah well, that lasts a day or two max before I’m back to feeling worthless.

I do hope the highs outweigh the lows eventually. For us all x

destroyed1 posted 1/28/2018 08:52 AM

He loves me and wants me.

That is a real good start.

Here's to both of you reaching the top of the coaster very soon. Hope it stays there for a few days. I know you both need it.

Cheers

Jimmy1962 posted 1/28/2018 09:08 AM

My highs are not very high. I can take the trash out, and maybe return a few business calls that I would not answer when I was down. My downs can't get any lower, if they do I will be in a urn.

Chaos posted 1/28/2018 10:58 AM

The rollercoaster sucks. I've been stuck in a down recently. The only thing that keeps me going quite frankly is sheer grit.

I have no words or wisdom or comfort. I come here often. I vent. I read. I comment. SI has been my saving grace so to speak.

I'm so sorry you are here.

Angelvictorious posted 1/28/2018 16:23 PM

I am so sick of the rollercoaster! I'm down again after a few days of being really good. You almost wrote word for word how I've been feeling, right down to the two week low mine was recently and really bad. The whole time in in the down I keep telling myself it's going to pass just like before but it's such a struggle and it's getting me down. I just want to be me again and I know that's never going to happen, I'm no longer that person anymore and that in itself makes me angry and sad all rolled into one on top of thinking about every fine detail ofthe A and questioning everything I believed in. It just sucks.

Maclou posted 1/28/2018 22:23 PM

HH1 and Angelvictorious, it’s good to know that someone else is feeling the same way. The euphoria is amazing when it’s here but it’s so hard when it leaves because I almost feel like we’re “fixed”. I feel that I’ve survived. I feel that everything is going to be fine and when that low starts to creep in, it brings with it the realisation that this is nowhere near over.
I am a very even tempered person (or at least the pre infidelity me was) so I don’t recognise myself in this person with extreme mood swings.
Destroyed 1, thanks for the good wishes.
Chaos, sorry that you’re here too. It really does suck. But we’ve made it this far! One positive that I’m trying to take from this is that I’ve realised that I am a very strong person. I always thought that my WH was the backbone of the family but it’s definitely me. I keep telling him how amazing I am 😁 That definitely helps me feel better!
Jimmy, you are obviously feeling so much pain. I am so sorry to hear that. . It must be hard for you to begin healing from this when it’s an effort to do the day to day things. I hope that things get easier for you soon.