So as you can see in my signature, my WH had an affair, stopped it himself, and we tried to reconcile. Last week I checked his phone and found a sent email (was not there before) from 11/17 of an answered Craigslist ad for m2m. After lying about it all day, he confessed that since we were having all these problems and a hard time reconciling, he thought he could possibly be gay. He answered an ad just to talk, and realized it was stupid and he’s not gay.
I told him I was done and needed a divorce. At the same time he got severe sciatica. Like out of work for a week, can’t walk or do much of anything. I haven’t helped him and have probably been a B and heartless. He has researched divorce and got information. I told him I needed to make sure I was secure in all ways before pulling the trigger. I am not financially independent and I’m a planner so I’m ok with this taking a while so I can figure it all out. The kids will be devastated and just hitting puberty. Part of me wants to wait until they are older. It breaks my heart to do this right before puberty. His parents agree. Call me a wuss, it is how I feel. My feelings come second to my kids as they are reaching puberty-what a whirlwind time for them. They have their own problems and now We are going to exacerbate them. I am a slow processor and have a hard time doing this amidst feeling like my world is shattered. We’ve also had conversations through the week and no I don’t want to divorce because I want a cohesive family but I want him to fight for his family...if not for me then for his girls. I offered solutions like how about we could be amicable until they are older. We just keep very busy with our separate lives and wait. I know what some of you are thinking, and I may be wrong.
He needs to check meds, be in counseling. He’s got mild bipolar and ADHD. He stopped going to counseling for cheating, and he refused all affection towards me. He says he doesn’t know why, and he doesn’t want to. I must admit, I am not a lovey dovey wife. I have had some horrible reactions to the cheating and I have said mean things. My flaws are these: strong willed, introvert, some anger issues. I don’t connect easily with people. I tend to have a strong opinion and he is passive and has always allowed me to lead but with resistance...but has grown resentful over the years. I think he’s done. I am mad at myself that I can’t be like a lot of the men on here in my shoes who are just moving forward with D and so relentless about it. I’m the one who was cheated on (twice?) and I feel like he’s going to take the lead on the pace of this D. I don’t want D now, I want him to fight or tell me we can make this work enough until the girls are older and I am financially in a better place. Chances are we will have an amicable divorce. We are like that most of the time.
He knows he has a mental instability and says he probably won’t change, and will make these stupid ass mistakes. Like he knows that he’s been an ass, but will not do the work.
I know what he’s saying “he’s just not that into me” haha...
It’s hurtful, especially since he cheated. Hello? Fight for your wife and family!!! Then I feel like I’m this extreme God person because I have a strong commitment to my family and obviously to a fault. I get angry when things aren’t going as I think. I guess I just need some validation? Thoughts? I don’t know..comfort too maybe. I’m so scared and it’s making me freeze or behave erratically. I am in counseling but those free sessions run out soon. We are now wracking up medical bills with his stuff too. I’m so money conscious that’s giving me anxiety too.
Maybe you can give me some insight I haven’t thought of before. Thanks.