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In denial

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Kamstel posted 4/27/2018 21:34 PM

How do you think she will react to finding out you saw a lawyer?

Kamstel posted 4/27/2018 21:35 PM

Do you mind if I ask what country you live in?

Kamstel posted 4/27/2018 21:36 PM

Donít let her distract you! Stay focused on your goal! Keep moving forward.

Limbo79 posted 4/28/2018 02:13 AM

Kamstel
I live in England

Limbo79 posted 4/28/2018 13:17 PM

WW moved back out the bedroom into the spare room. That is because she wasnít sleeping well she said. But she also wasnít sleeping well in the spare room she said? Hmmm let me think? Smells like BS.
Anyway Iím tired working hard 15 hour days Friday and Saturday on my feet all day. Working 6 days a week.
Nothing changed going to keep to the schedule, she can organise the The counselling. Letter from lawyer will be written.
She has to give me details on affairs whether EA or PA.

Kamstel posted 4/28/2018 13:24 PM

Iím sorry that you are in this situation, but Iím happy for you as you are finally getting yourself out of it.

When she gets the letter from the lawyer, and when she ďadmitsĒ to just an emotional affair that she swears never became physical, tell her right then and there that you will be scheduling a polygraph for her and her refusal to take it will result in the divorce

Keep the pressure on and keep moving toward your goal

TheGuy123 posted 4/28/2018 17:05 PM

Your old lady just crawled out of the marital bed again, she has not owned her shyt by being transparent.....it's time to let this one go!

Divorce is tough, but you have a new beginning with a ton of options to look forward to.
Plus you won't have to ask anyone what color towels you want to buy or what to have for dinner....so you have that to look forward too.

Good luck brother.

And BTW go dark and make a plan and work the plan.
As you well know it sucks to make choices and do things with out your spouses knowledge, but this seems to be the state of your marriage....by your WW doing!

[This message edited by TheGuy123 at 5:10 PM, April 28th (Saturday)]

Kamstel posted 4/30/2018 07:49 AM

Just wanted to check in with you to see how you were doing today.

Limbo79 posted 4/30/2018 08:29 AM

Kamstel
Waiting for a feply from my lawyer as ww threw a curve ball by agreeing to counselling before receiving letter from lawyer. I think it was the house valuation. WW birthday so letting off for today but on it tomorrow. I know Iím to soft hearted.
I think the lawyer is going to have to changer the letter. I am going to talk to the ww tomorrow she is going to have to give full explanation of events. Either before counselling or during. Also she will need to book and organise and it must be done now.
Sheís moved back in the bedroom again, again. Thatís the third time back from the spare room? Not sure whatís up with that. Doesnít bother me now.
I need answers.
Going ahead with setting up for D. But letter was going to be issued first for counselling. I have to prove that I tried to reconcile.
She will have to come clean. There is no soft explanation.
So all ok, but I think ww is hoping that agreeing to counselling will placate things.

MrMagnolia posted 4/30/2018 09:09 AM

Thanks for the update, Limbo.

That back and forth is a bit strange for sure but you've got the right attitude now. It shouldn't matter to you because you know what you need to do and you're not going to be deterred or placated.

I know it's hard to believe now but yours has actually been one of the more inspiring threads thus far based on how well you have progressed from where you started. So many people can't seem to get off the fence (with good reason it's not easy). You have a long road ahead no doubt but I think you are doing about as well as for yourself and your family as you could hope for.

Stevesn posted 4/30/2018 09:32 AM

Limbo

Good job. Stay strong.

Many different things can happen. There have been instances where a WW like yours finally breaks down and admits what they have done, become remorseful and change their attitude for the better toward their BS.

Of course there are many instances where they will try to rig sweep and ask to move on doing almost no work, pretending nothing ever happened in the past.

Continue to work with the lawyer on the D.

TBH, on page 7 of your thread I gave you over 25+ items of requirements for trying R. Not just MC (which is basically useless without IC first). Use this list with your lawyer to come up with with your own requirements for reconciliation. Seriously just saying she has to go to MC is letting her off the hook too easily.

Take care.

Limbo79 posted 5/1/2018 17:44 PM

Donít worry just saying she has to go to MC. She must tell all and make big changes. She keeps saying she wants some independence. Iíll give her a lot of independence if she wants itís called divorce. She says to her friends how she was so independent while I was away working. Having to make decisions etc. Hang on? I was sending all my salary home how has she been independent. Sorry.
Been busy with work last few days. Trying to implement the 180.

MrMagnolia posted 5/1/2018 18:00 PM

She keeps saying she wants some independence. Iíll give her a lot of independence if she wants itís called divorce.

FUCK, yes. You've got this shit.

She says to her friends how she was so independent while I was away working. Having to make decisions etc. Hang on? I was sending all my salary home how has she been independent. Sorry.

I read the first sentence here and was gearing up to tell you exactly what you said about it. She was "cake eating" and she's telling her friends she loves your "money" but not you. I'm pissed off for you from reading that.

Trying to implement the 180.

This post is a reflection that you are on your way. This is one of the most inspiring posts I've read all day.

Stay strong brother,

[This message edited by MrMagnolia at 6:00 PM, May 1st (Tuesday)]

Wool94 posted 5/1/2018 18:21 PM

I'm so proud of you!

fareast posted 5/1/2018 18:34 PM

Well done Limbo79 youíve come a long way. And if your WW gets with the program she will realize she is in a better marriage.👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Limbo79 posted 5/2/2018 04:07 AM

Thanks everyone for the encouragement
Hard to stay focused when the probable outcome is something Iíve never wanted, Divorce.
But I know the results will bring me a better life ultimately.

MickeyBill2016 posted 5/2/2018 16:34 PM

Hey Limbo

It has been a while since your first post. Did you get any solid evidence to back up the suspicious activity like the dog walks, the swim coach and the missing condoms?

Did you two go to counseling, alone or together? She still claims nothing going on? Will you go thru with the D while things are still up in the air?

Limbo79 posted 5/3/2018 00:56 AM

Hi Micky
No solid evidence meaning I havenít actually caught her in the act. But so many lies and a lot of gaslighting. Lots of Iím controlling and always suspicious. No physical contact in 3 years. She refused counselling with me twice and has just agreed when I had the house valued. Still not gone yet.
Sheís told all her friends how awful I am and omitted all the things sheís done. Discussed divorce with them but wonít talk with me. I know this as there is a camera with sound. Sheís moved in and out of our bedroom 3 times in the last 4 months corresponding with my attempts to talk with her. I say talk as I have not yelled or raised my voice but tried to calmly discuss our problems.
My gut instincts are screaming out affair, she angers and blame shifts every time I try to talk to her about it.
Thatís it in a nut shell.
D is in motion but Iím playing by the book.

Kamstel posted 5/3/2018 04:24 AM

You are doing great!

Has she received the letter from the lawyer yet?

MickeyBill2016 posted 5/3/2018 11:57 AM

Hi Limbo-

It's like you have almost all the pieces leading to an A but not the last ones that would confirm. Sort of like you have the jigsaw puzzle almost done but not sure if the final picture is a horse or a cow in front of a barn, could be either one...
Other than the missing condoms (shouldn't the OM bring his own?) many of the red flags you listed would be reasonable on their own but adding them all up leaves you almost there.
Obviously you don't need any more clues/evidence as this is not "Law and Order" it's a relationship in trouble.

The fact that she gets angry and blame shifts when you try to talk is not something a person with nothing to hide does.
In the US a D can be started and then stopped anytime until it is finally signed off by the judge, is it similar in the UK?

[This message edited by MickeyBill2016 at 12:00 PM, May 3rd (Thursday)]

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