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In denial

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Tigersrule77 posted 8/16/2018 08:06 AM

Sorry you are going through this. It is never easy. Learn from your experiences, that is all you can do.

You don't have to see your WW as your enemy, but do protect yourself. Hopefully you have already talked to an attorney. Ask them what is the best way to protect your interests.

If you WW is reasonable and you can mediate without your attorneys, you will both be better off, but make sure that you review everything with your attorney to protect your interests.

RLinX posted 8/16/2018 08:29 AM

Iím sorry

I know you and your family are hurting.
I was not trying to invalidate the pain, I was try to lift you up.

Hang in there

Limbo79 posted 8/16/2018 11:19 AM

No itís ok I can take it. I think itís good to feel the pain. It shows at least for me the marriage was real. Itís funny now that weíve reached this point Iím discovering quite a bit more about it. The lack of emotional connection. Had I started reading about years ago... there I go back in the past. Seriously itís good to understand what was happening. Iím not letting my ww off the hook just getting to grips with it all.
Remembering I need to stay strong emotionally and physically (back to the gym just rejoined after letting the my membership lapse. Joined for the year so no excuses.
Back to the hard 180. Got to look out for me and my kids. She can look out for herself.
Not going to be nasty. Hard but fair. I donít want more Iím not greedy just my fair share.

NoOptTo posted 8/16/2018 14:10 PM

Limbo, ask for more then you want. Divorce is more like a transaction. Ask for more then you want, then negotiate to what you really want. You WW hasnt cared about you outright for a long time. I'm sure she thinks she is enti6to more then she is. Stand firm. Keep your interest and your kids at heart. What do you think is going to happen with the family business? Stay as is, but out, or out right sell it? Start prioritizing what will make you happy. If you have to sell it, do huh ou fell comfortable to start a new one with her? You have time til D is over. Start planning your future. Set your goals n keep yourself busy to obtain them.

Dismayed2012 posted 8/17/2018 09:37 AM

Don't take living arrangement advice from a counselor. See a good men's divorce lawyer and ask him/her if moving out of the farmhouse is wise for you; I suspect they'll say no, don't do it.

Limbo79 posted 8/17/2018 12:40 PM

Thanks seen lawyer ďdefinitely donít move out whatever you doĒ was the advice.
I was just surprised that the C was suggesting that I move out of our 4 bedroom farmhouse in to a studio apartment with no kitchen! Haha no chance. Although i think I would be happier there then in the farmhouse with the ww!
The only problem is no room for the kids.
I donít need a lot of space to be happy.

Marz posted 8/17/2018 16:05 PM

Cut the C out. Nothing for you there.

NoOptTo posted 8/17/2018 16:32 PM

I forget Limbo, you have your I laws living on the property yes? Have them move out. They are your STBXW problem, not yours. Take residents in their place on the property of that's an option. She has to are for them not you.

RLinX posted 8/17/2018 18:11 PM

Limbo, how are you doing emotionally?

Limbo79 posted 8/17/2018 18:33 PM

Ok really,
Good to have the D card on the table. Still going to be lots of blame shifting, actually scratch that , my ww has already blamed it all on me so she has no more to shift on me. 😂 I guess any future problems will be my fault as well.
Itís a roller coaster ride and Iíve never liked roller coasters.
Canít just kick the outlaws out, theyíve paid money to their extension. Except we own it. Going to have to buy them out.
Got a lot of ducks to get in a row before the house can be sold.

The ww is playing the donít want to fight and letís work things out amicably card. Except she didnít admit to seeing a lawyer the other day. Well she did but said it was to talk about her will. Who goes to talk about a will when they are going to get divorced. However I know that the lawyer she saw is a family law and divorce specialist.

The only thing is I know she really really doesnít want to sell the house.
Iím not sure if I should 180, as there is no real hope of reconciliation really. Need to work out the seperation and for that we need to talk.

Marz posted 8/17/2018 20:02 PM

The 180 is for you. It's the only good path you have unless you like staying in limbo.

You can be civil but you really need to cut the contact

RLinX posted 8/18/2018 00:42 AM

How are the kids?

Smillie posted 8/18/2018 01:10 AM

You should be pushing to get as much as you can. You can always be generous to her later AFTER things have gone in your favour.

Limbo79 posted 8/18/2018 13:07 PM

My kids are good, Iím sure they know somethingís up. The oldest came into my room(the master bedroom, I didnít move out) looking for his mother thought she might be in my room as she wasnít in the spare room. He seemed disappointed when he found out she was still downstairs and just hadnít gone to the spare room. Heís 16 and definitely can tell something is up.
First priority is the kids. I would like 50:50 custody and would except full custody if she wanted. I doubt she would.
For me we have to sell the house so we can both have somewhere to live. We can barely afford the main house no way that and another.

RLinX posted 8/18/2018 13:22 PM

I know that this is a difficult time, just stay focused on taking one step at a time.

Good luck informing the kids.

Stay strong.

Limbo79 posted 8/18/2018 18:00 PM

Thanks all,
Difficult times ahead but with luck there is light at the end of the tunnel. I know things will improve eventually after the D.
Iíll keep you all posted when something happens. Might stop in on a bad day.

RLinX posted 8/18/2018 21:25 PM

Limbo, you are NOT alone

You will not only survive, but you will flourish!!!
And the light at the end of tunnel is getting bigger and brighter every day!!

bobdobalina posted 8/19/2018 06:17 AM

limbo did you find out who the the guy coming out of the bushes was

Limbo79 posted 8/19/2018 17:00 PM

Yes found out. That was a few years ago when that happened.
It only came back up as something else happened more recently.
At the end of the day I canít prove anything just lots of coincidences. Gut feeling.
The woods thing is the only thing I could prove but no proof of physical, just lied and hid it from me.
To much secrecy and wanting space and independents.
What it all proved is that my marriage has been buggered for ages.
I canít live with someone anymore who doesnít want to live with me. I need a physical and emotional relationship.
If she wanted to make it work she needed to come clean and be open. Not keep trying to be secretive and needed to want to spend time together.
I say needed because Iím not going to waste my time on a marriage only I wanted to fix.
Iíll worry about my kids and myself.

Stevesn posted 8/19/2018 20:33 PM

^^^ No truer words have been said here.

[This message edited by Stevesn at 8:34 PM, August 19th (Sunday)]

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