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In denial

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fareast posted 8/19/2018 20:38 PM

Limbo79:

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👨‍👧‍👦

Limbo79 posted 8/22/2018 01:12 AM

A question for you all or there, if you go on to someoneís google account to get their google locations history does it give them a notification?
I read on here that you can search and get Location history to track a partner but I know most apps send you a notification to to ask you if you logged on with a new devise.

TurnedTurtle posted 8/22/2018 03:15 AM

(1) depends on the the security settings on the account, but a notification of a access to the account by a new device is probably the default setting these days.

(2) Do you have access to one of her devices that you could use to gain initial access to her account? You could then maybe adjust the security settings on the account, or "train" google to recognize your own device as an authorized user of the account...

Limbo79 posted 8/22/2018 03:50 AM

Thanks turned turtle
WwĎs phone guarded like Fort Knox these days. Have access to her iPad which means itís not used for much.
It probably isnít worth the hassle as we are heading into the next step, divorce. Nothing admitted by her and gaslighting the rest.
It would be just for my own knowledge just in case she tried an about face and tried to reconcile.
Itís a fine line as to what is legal and I definitely donít want to go the wrong side of the law or give her the ability to say that Iím trying to hack her private info.
I should probably leave it alone but hard not to know some of the truth.

DarkHoleHeart posted 8/22/2018 03:57 AM

If you have never logged on to her account from your device, then she will get notification.
Since you have access to her iPad, then it should be "familiar" device to her google account and it should be OK to look at her timeline.
I would suggest that you use this opportunity. If you find evidence, then it will be good for your own sanity - less questions "maybe I made a mistake by D her" later. And if not, then nothing changed.

mantorok posted 8/22/2018 04:57 AM

It probably isnít worth the hassle as we are heading into the next step, divorce. Nothing admitted by her and gaslighting the rest.
It would be just for my own knowledge just in case she tried an about face and tried to reconcile.

Yep, in the same boat, still gaslighting and lies, then has the nerve to ask about reconcile.


I should probably leave it alone but hard not to know some of the truth.

Again, exactly the same for me, but I've given up now, she can keep the lies, we are divorcing and I'm detaching even further.

As frustrating as this may be for the BS you do reach the point where you no longer give a fuck, you just take what's happening for what it is, lies and deceit, and then move on without it.

TurnedTurtle posted 8/22/2018 05:37 AM

As DHH says, just because she doesn't use the iPad much these days doesn't mean that it might not provide a route into her google account.

TurnedTurtle posted 8/22/2018 06:38 AM

Limbo, I learned a new term reading a thread in another of the forums here at SI -- "Pain shopping" Before trying to dig further, I guess I would want to make sure I really needed to know, or needed validation or more evidence to support a D choice, rather than merely "pain shopping"....

Hope this helps. Power to you.

Robert22205https posted 8/22/2018 07:19 AM

I'm sorry for your loss. Don't beat yourself up over collecting more evidence. If she was innocent,she'd prove it whether she wanted to stay in the marriage or not.

Limbo79 posted 8/22/2018 10:03 AM

Thanks
Iím going to leave it.
Iíll just be stressing trying to find info. Itís not healthy for me. I need to stay focussed keep healthy I have a big check for my cancer next month. PSA test 6 months after finishing the hormone treatment. Itís a big one and it will show how my PSA compared to the rise in my testosterone.
Funny thing is even with the stress of my marriage my blood pressure has dropped considerably.
Iíve lost lots of weight started going to the gym and I think the hormones were raising it over the last few years.

I read that people with nothing to hide, hide nothing.
I like that. May not be entirely true but close.
Thanks for the reassurance that need to move on.

Limbo79 posted 9/13/2019 13:17 PM

This should be In denial part 2 The Final Chapter hopefully
I came so close to finishing this ages ago but I guess my ww new I didnít want to end the marriage and said enough but not to much.
Well I guess Iíve finally (hopefully) had enough said I want a divorce. I will organise for mediation.
If mediation doesnít work I will file for divorce.
Iíve hung on for so long hoping that we could work something out but nothing has changed. She has not shown any remorse and I think Iíve shown her she could get away with it. I could see her slipping back into her old ways so it was time to pull the plug. Actually that was years ago but I had to deal with my prostate cancer in between.
Iíve been going to the gym regularly now for the last year and back down to the weight I was 20 years ago.
If mediation doesnít work I will file for divorce. She started saying we should stay together for the kids. Youngest is 13 oldest 17 and that the counsellor said it was better for the kids if we were together.
She was trying it again.twisting words. Actually I pointed out the counsellor said it was better if we could work things out but donít stay together for the kids. They would be better off out of a bad marriage. Basically completely the opposite.
Sorry for taking up everyoneís time. But wish me luck and letís hope I stay strong.
I do feel that this is it now.
Iíve contacted local mediators and have found one who seems good. Not sure if they use mediation in the US but here in the UK it seems to be more common. It is cheaper for working out details as long as both parties try. You still need a lawyer in the end but not for as many hours.
We have a lot to work out as we have a business, house and kids together. And her parents living with us.

Buster123 posted 9/13/2019 15:41 PM

I remember your story, I'm glad you finally decided to get out of "limbo", you gave it your best but again, without true remorse you have nothing to work with, move on, you deserve so much better.

Newlifeisgreat posted 9/13/2019 16:51 PM

Congratulations on finally deciding to get out of limbo!

Newlifeisgreat posted 9/13/2019 16:55 PM

Did she ever admit to the affairs? Not that it really matters

NoOptTo posted 9/13/2019 18:28 PM

Everyone finds their breaking point. You finally reached yours. So glad you are finally getting out of infidelity.

If you need to vent or anything, we are here for you still. Wish you luck on finding your freedom.

Marz posted 9/13/2019 18:46 PM

Cake eaters love their cake. At your expense of course.

Limbo79 posted 9/13/2019 19:11 PM

No she never admitted her affair. She sort of admitted the EA but tried to make it look like she stopped it because he wanted more. When it was obvious he wanted more and she must have been flirting. A friend warned me about the guy and my ww but that was after I found out.
She denied and denied in counselling saying I was paranoid etc but then changed her tune recently when I started to talk about divorce to try to prove she was so innocent and stopped meeting him because she realised he was after more. Total lie gaslighting and smoke screen.
Iím sure she had an affair after found evidence, condom lies etc but she wonít admit it.
I hung on because I love my family, didnít want to give up, used to love her , and I wanted to hear the truth from her. But I realised that didnít matter. I still love my family (my 3 kids and the dog) that is and I realise from her actions and inactions she had stopped loving me and was using my love.
I could go on and on with all the little shit sheís done and said but it doesnít matter anymore.
Just need to be strong and keep moving forward.
Itís a very subtle cruelty she uses. Not a loud yelling or anything like that. Mostly disrespectful in a quiet way.
Thatís for the support guys.

Endy posted 9/17/2019 01:58 AM

Limbo! Your story is quite touching, you should blame yourself less and come to realize that the marriage is over.. Let it go and find happiness in something you love doing..

Limbo79 posted 9/17/2019 06:14 AM

Thanks Endy
Iím working towards that. What makes it all so hard for me is that Iím having to do all the work. I know my ww isnít happy in the marriage either but I guess shes not helping to work it out. Either to end it in a adult and honest way or to have tried to work things out together.
She is obviously ok with sneaking around and living speperate lives together while Iím not.
Having been on here a bit lots of people going through the same and worse.

Robert22205https posted 9/17/2019 09:41 AM

Would she be willing to take a polygraph test?
That often triggers the truth.

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